nursery not supporting potty training, should I complain?

[Gemzooks]

DS is 2.8 and goes to nursery 3 days per week. Since Friday he's suddenly decided to use the potty and has done all his poos and most wees in it, and has worn pants the whole time, on his request. BUT of course he has to be reminded quite a lot for wees, as he gets absorbed in something and can't get there in time. It's almost overnight that he's clicked and wants to do it.

So today he went to nursery and I asked the staff to remind him, and said I'd put a nappy on him because I didn't think he was quite at the stage to go in pants as I didn't want him to lose confidence through having a lot of accidents. And they acted very indifferent and kind of said 'oh, we can't keep reminding him all the time!'

Well I understand they have a lot of kids to look after, but I expect them to give him a bit of extra attention for this, just as when a kid first starts at nursery and cries more or whatever.

As he is my PFB (have 10 week old DD) I'm quite angry with them, any tips on how I should approach it? He did a poo in the potty before going to nursery and again in the evening, and one in his nappy while there, and I don't think they encouraged him to go on the loo (they have little loos which he can get to on his own)

any tips much appreciated!

Yes tell them you want support - they are paid to support, i told my nursery all my ds's little ishoos he developed durign toilet trg and even now 3 weeks on they still keep on his case and record when he pood, seemed as though he wanted to poo, took a book to the loo etc.. If you get no joy from the room leader i would go to the nursery manager. I would also tell them hes coming in pants so they either support him and encourage or end up wiping mess of the floor all day. Good luck x

Yes, that sounds absolutely useless. Staff in a toddler room should be absolutely prepared to keep track of all the children's toilet needs/stages and should be unfazed by children who need encouragement/monitoring.

Try talking to another staff member next week?

I owuldnt wait till next week as if hes ready you need to keep up the momentum - get in there and get em told !!! tell em i said!

thanks, will try talking to the third one of the three who look after him, as she is on tomorrow. The prob is also that we live in Holland, all my interaction with them is in my (quite bad) Dutch, and they seem to me somewhat dour with a bit of a 'oh let the kids just get on with it all' attitude, and slightly uncaring, though kind and caring with DS, just not with the parents! we've had minor clashes before over this kind of issue, I get the feeling there's some other way I should be asking stuff.. in general they are much more laissez-faire with kids here so maybe don't 'believe' in reminding them if they need a wee etc.. oh dear!

Send him in pants.

oh heck sounds like fun now you have said that! perhaps a bribe for the staff? i told my nursery room leader if he got through his 3 days without an accident theere was a bottle of wine in it for em - luckily for my tight arse hubby he pood his pants on the last afternoon. We changed the incentive to the following week to biccys and he managed it.... though embarrisingly i have just remembered i still have not took any in!

I agree send him in cloth pants....

i expect they will watch encourage him much more if they have to clear up puddles from the floor

make sure you enclose lots and lots of spare pants / trousers / socks!

the only thing is, I don't mind sending him in pants from the point of view of them clearing up accidents, it's more that I don't want him to feel he's failed or damage his confidence if he has a lot of accidents through not being reminded.. as he gets a bit upset if he does wee in his trousers or whatever, not really upset but upset enough...

My DD is 18 months and also in a Dutch nursery (a Humanitas one) and even though they only usually start potty training at 2 they have been happy to put my DD on the little loos at nappy changes. TBH I've found them really supportive and not at all laissez-faire

I agree about just sending him in pants with plenty of spare trousers etc.

Just one thing, are you being direct enough in your request? You know how the Dutch are - I'd go for something like "Xxxxx heeft in eens besloten dat hij zindelijk wil worden! Tof heh? Het erg goed en sinds afgelopen vrijdag draagt hij thuis al de hele tijd een onderbroek. Vandaag wou hij ook een onderbroek hier dragen. Met een kleine herinnering af en toe gaat het uitstekend, ik denk dat hij binnen kort het helemaal zelfstandig zal kunnen handelen. Ik zou het op prijs stellen als je hem zou willen helpen door regelmatig gebruik van de WC aan te beiden. Gaat dat?"

norktasticninja, je hebt gelijk! I'm probably not direct enough.. will try being a bit more blunt! thanks!

It'll probably really help! The blunter the better, especially if you're in Amsterdam (or Rotterdam)

Good luck!

thanks so much! I'll learn it off by heart tonight, then it will REALLY freak them out as I recite your phrase to them in the morning!

we're in Amsterdam btw..

lol!

Did you know you can get heavily subsidised Dutch lessons at the ROC?

will check it out..

I work and have 2 kids, so bit short on time, know I should learn more. I can communicate fine, speak various other languages and am a languages person, but it's not pretty! In fact it's really one of my aims to get fluent, because I could be fluent with not that much effort, just a case of remembering the irregular verbs, funny word order and then building up more vocab without lapsing into German and hence alienating people!

I don't know why they can't remind him! What do they expect in a nursery! DS' preschool remind new potty trainers every 20 minutes.

phew! Just spoke to the better, more experienced one and she said she would remind him; he has gone in pants today as he wanted to... so fingers crossed (or rather legs )

I presume it's in their interest as well as they won't have to change his nappy any more!

That's great! Good luck to the little fellow