Please come and talk me through what you would do if your 3.3 year old.....

[ButtercupWafflehead]

..... was deliberately and in full view simply shoving other children?

This happened to us at the adventure playground today, I immediately stepped in, made DS apologise, and marched him off straight home to play indoors (as he wanted to go into the garden).

However, he couldn't care less that the other child was bawling, or that we left as we'd been there a while anyway.

I consider myself to be reasonably strict and consistent and have a mediumly behaved child who now and again will just do something SO naughty that he knows is wrong.

So, what would you have done? How to make him care more about his behaviour? expecting too much???? help!

Oh gosh, please come and answer me!!!! I am downstairs seething/worrying about future delinguency, and he is upstairs singing

I don't think it is anything unusual. I think your expectation that he would be remorseful several hours after the event is very unrealistic. Why shoudln't he be singing? Did you point him in the direction of the hair shirt and the whip?

All you can do is talk to him about why he shouldn't do certain things and promote empathy. He will get it in the end.

I think you did the right thing

I think you habdled it correctly by leaving but being upset that he is singing hours after the event is a little daft. {sorry]

He is 3. No doubt he has pretty much forgotten all about it but you can use it next time "do you remember when we had to leave because you did xyz? Do abc again and we will...."

thanks for your response TPL, I totally agree, I just hoped he'd feel a little abashed on the spot but absolutely didn't.

So it's just hang in there and persist, and he won't end up as violent as he is now?

I know, I know!

It's not that I mind the singing, it's just a bit of a contrast to me sitting downstairs re-evaluating my parenting skills in despair!!!!

re evaluating what? you did good!

Well we have just come through a violent phase with DS1 who is now 2.8. It was awful while it lasted - I used to feel so embarrassed about his behaviour and I tried so many different things to stop him. The only thing that made a difference was removing him from the situation, and that was more about stopping him from hurting other children than anything else.

Then one day he just stopped doing it. No idea why From that I learned that sometimes you can't control when your child has or gets through a certain developmental phase. All you can do is what you did, and talk about feelings, other people etc.

It was a hot day - he was probably just feeling grumpy and is glad to be in the shade now

Thank you, thank you!

Just wondering how he has turned out such a violent physical child.

Possibly slightly pregnancy-related irrationality going on there, too

I think you handled it really well.

TBH 3.3 yr olds aren't really known for their empathy. It is a phase and it will pass.

my 3.2 yr old does this and I would also handle it in the same way-warning and then going home if done again.

We are also in the grips of a violent phase and ds2 gets the brunt of it

I think you handled it really well by marching him home. Ds does this from time to time (used to do it A LOT) but I think occasional horridness is pretty normal

Your job is damage limitation: that is, keep an eye on him to prevent it if you can, apologise profusely if he does it, show your disapproval, take him away. But don't expect him to have an adult sense of guilt or empathy; these things will come in good time. Really, they will. Dd was a little horror at 3, she is quite civilised at 12.

Thanks for responses, they are really really appreciated. I'm glad to hear that he sounds pretty normal and "this too will pass".

I think I would be more worried if a child was always perfectly behaved.

He is a kid. Just experimenting, testing boundaries.
You handled it really well (in my view).

I know how you feel. When ds has done things like this on the odd occassion, I want him to see it the way I see it and I get irrationally annoyed that he does not. I think there is something lacking in his moral fibre when he does not feel remorse as an adult would. I have to mentally give myself a shake and realise that in the world of young children, shoving someone is not good, but it is quickly forgotten about. Dh now has to warn me not to prject my view of things on to ds.