6 year old very unhappy

[FrankieS]

This is the first time I have done this. My 6 year old is very unhappy - she is stroppy, grumpy, unhelpful, rude, un-cooperative. She is only content when she is in her bedroom on her own. She does not comply with simple requests - eg tea in 5 minutes - that kinda thing. It is awful to see & be part of. I have tried coaxing, bribing, ignoring, rewarding other stuff,pleading. i don't know what to do. she hasn't always been like this =- but I'm not sure when it started. Does anyone have a similar experience or have any tips? I don't know how to handle her ot how to be when I'm with her anymore. I'm hoping it will just go away!

Thanks

Frances

my dd not that age yet, but friends little boy was withdrawn at that age, the cause was daddy working away a lot and he was also having trouble at school. What could be causing her behaviour? Can you take her out, just the two of you to do something she really likes and try and ask her if anything is worrying her?

friend got her ds a dog - he would sit with the dog after school and tell it all his troubles, sis listening in, it helped him feel he had a pal.

It does sound like there is some underlying problem. Could you try asking her in a relatively relaxed moment (in the bath is a good time to catch my DS with his guard down) - perhaps ask who she would talk to if there was something worrying her (gets past the immediate 'nothing' reponse when asked what's wrong)?

Alternatively, does she have a grandparent or other relation she is close to who could take her out and make a fuss of her and see if they can get to the bottom of it?

What's she like at school?

My ds has just turned 7 and during the course of this past year, he has exhibited the same sort of behaviour as your daughter.The only thing that kept us sane was the knowledge that most of his classmates were behaving the same way! His moods were particularly bad (stropping at the drop of a hat, rude, sullen etc) around February time. We discovered that he had been abruptly dropped by a friend at school and he was feeling isolated in the playground. He was so focused on keeping it together at school that when he was at home we got the full force of his hurt, anger and frustration. I think at this age that friendships start shifting and they become much more self-conscious. Have you tried gently probing your daughter as to what is going on in the playground? In the meantime, take some comfort from the fact that she feels secure enough with you to rage and rant at home. Good luck!

Playground politics would be high on my list of things to probe for IIWY - DS(6.5) has been a a stonking bad mood quite a few times this year, and every time it turns out to have it's roots in some playground conflict (even if it does take days to drag gently ease it out of him )

Frankie I'm sorry to read this as my dd (7) has been exactly the same recently.

Have you talked to school at all? It might seem like everything is fine at school but often there are things going on socially that impact on them enormously.

It has turned out with dd that there was an underlying issue, socially, at school, which I was vaguely aware of but to be honest had put it down to one of life's long tough lessons to learn. Her teacher also knew it was going on and had started to become more concerned, approached dd and she let it all come out.

Happily, since then, she is like a different child.

Fwiw I asked and asked her if she was happy at school and she kept saying yes. I think the fact that two teachers talked to her encouraged her to pour her heart out. I agree with Stealth, you could ask a close friend/grandparent/teacher just to ask her if she is happy and if not why not.

Thanks everyone - since being on half term holls she has been sooo much happier - maybe it is something going on at school - I shall watch out for it when she goes back next week. I like the advice from stealthsquiggle - and thanks to everyone for support xxd