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Behaviour/development

Talk to others about child development and behaviour stages here. You can find more information on our development calendar.

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Original poster

"toilet trained" 2 and half year old still has daily accidents. Help

37 replies

Gmac2009 · 10/05/2009 19:33

Our boy has been out of nappies for 6months but continues to have accidents.
It's more unusual for him to have a dry/clean day than not. What can we do?
He understands the concept and asks to go to the loo but seems to forget everything one day and be brilliant the next. It's driving me mad!
All advice, tips very welcome.

OP posts:

Are your children’s vaccines up to date?

Set a reminder

PM73 · 10/05/2009 19:50

What about going back to basics for a few days,i.e strip him off from the waist down & leave the potty in his play room.

What about introducing a reward chart?

Original poster

Gmac2009 · 10/05/2009 19:53

Hi PM73
We tried the reward chart and it worked for half a day then no joy.
I could try the potty thing again ... I've just had a baby and can't bear the thought of going back to that!!
I should probably bite the bullet and give it a go.

OP posts:

SoupDragon · 10/05/2009 19:55

Personally I'd say that, if he's having daily accidents, he's not toilet trained and you need to start again.

Original poster

Gmac2009 · 10/05/2009 19:58

I think we started him far too early.
I really don't want to go back to nappies so need to sort this out. What age did you toilet train your children?

OP posts:

Sidge · 10/05/2009 20:00

I agree with SoupDragon. Daily wetting would imply that he's not actually toilet trained.

Does he ask for the loo every time? If not then he may not be always aware of having a full bladder. Make sure he is drinking plenty so that his bladder is getting filled, then encourage/remind him to go if he needs to, probably every 2-3 hours.

Reward charts for being dry can be a bit discouraging for little ones (ie under about 4) because they often have no or little control over their bowels or bladder, so you are actually trying to reward them for something they may developmentally not be able to do.

PM73 · 10/05/2009 20:00

I would go back to basics with him,i made me ds a reward chart with his fave tv characters on it & i bought a load of stickers but we never needed them as he picked it up quite quickly.

Leave his potty next to him & leave him with no bottom clothes on & that way he can put himself on it if you are busy.

Good luck.

Hassled · 10/05/2009 20:01

He is very young - I know some boys can manage it at 2.5 but none of mine were able until they were 3. I think you throw in the towel completely you'll undo any progress you have made, but agree a back to basics approach might work. Boys just don't develop the ability to read the signals/muscle control until a lot later than girls.

PM73 · 10/05/2009 20:02

My ds was 2.7 & he got it in a day,i had tried earlier when he was 2.3 but it was a disaster.

vajdajuli · 10/05/2009 20:04

I agree with SoupDragon, it seems that he is, or was not completely ready to loose the nappies. I have a friend, who tried to train their daughter because they were expecting a baby, and didn't want to deal with so much nappy...they had the same problem. They turned to professional help and were told that the baby was pushed into it when she wasn't ready and that causes problems in their development. I am not saying of course that you pushed your son to be toilet trained, but having daily accidents definitely show that he is not ready for it.

Original poster

Gmac2009 · 10/05/2009 20:04

He doesn't ask to go every time but we take him regularly. I was wondering if this was counter productive as we're 'doing it for him' if you know what I mean.
When he's at nursery he does ask to go and if he has an accident he's usually dirty rather than wet.

OP posts:

rubyslippers · 10/05/2009 20:05

i would be inclined to stpo and start again

he just doesn't sound ready

DS had 2 terrible attempts before we cracked it third time around at 2.6 months

i know of 2 boys who are just getting trained at 3

Original poster

Gmac2009 · 10/05/2009 20:06

Do you think I should put him back into nappies?

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notnowbernard · 10/05/2009 20:07

Have been where you're at (regression because of new baby)

If I had to go through it again, would go back to nappies in an instant rather than persist with 'toiletting' and frequent accidents

Agree with the others, sounds like he's not 'got it' properly yet

Save yourself the hassle - nappies less of a PITA than loads of wet/dirty pants

PM73 · 10/05/2009 20:09

Does he have accidents every day? Is it wee & poo?

I personally would try again like you would at the beginning of training,give him a few days & see how that goes.If he still doesnt get it then reconsider then.

He is still very young too.

notnowbernard · 10/05/2009 20:10

Wait for him to tell you he wants to do it (toilet train)

I know of several people who have done this, their dc have been about 3ish and have 'got it' immediately, with minimal accidents

I also speak as the parent of a dc who did this and has had one accident since ditching nappies

Original poster

Gmac2009 · 10/05/2009 20:11

do you think going back to nappies would just confuse him?
and if I put him back on the potty should I put him back in nappies if we're going out or at nursery?
We've been pants only for 6months plus.

OP posts:

Original poster

Gmac2009 · 10/05/2009 20:13

Deeply jealous of those of you with trained children!!
Oh how I wish I hadn't listened to all those smug mums at toddler group telling me their children were trained at 2....

OP posts:

rubyslippers · 10/05/2009 20:14

some of those mums may have been lying ...

just put him back in nappies full time and try again in a month or two

Sidge · 10/05/2009 20:14

It is a bit counterproductive Gmac - by taking him you aren't letting him learn how it feels to have a full bladder/need a poo and so he can't respond to those feelings.

Reminding a child to go because they are engrossed in playing, or if you are about to go out somewhere is ok as you are just prompting them to check their need to go. But if it's the case that he always goes to the loo because you have told him to then it's really just toilet timing, not toilet training.

There is absolutely no harm in putting a child back in nappies if they aren't ready, and if the child is happy to be in nappies. It takes the pressure off them, and you. The best time to try and get out of nappies is when the child tells you they need a wee, not that they are doing it or have already done it. If you wait until they are at that developmental stage it won't take too long at all usually!

Hassled · 10/05/2009 20:15

Going back into nappies would confuse him for about a day, and then he'll just get on with it.

With my DSs, I told them that nappies weren't allowed once you had your 3rd birthday - they got presents and cake, but nappies stayed off. And it was pretty well accident-free after that.

firststeps · 10/05/2009 20:15

I think if he is having daily accidents he isn't trained and personally would put him back into pull ups/nappies and save yourself the hassle. DS1 was just under 3 when he was toilet trained - just wasn't interested before this, we had 2 attempts but put him back into pull ups within the day each time, but the third time he cracked it immediately, bypassed the potty and went straight on the toilet. He has had maybe 5 accidents in total since he was trained (6 months) and each time was that he realised he needed to have a wee but couldn't get his trousers down in time! HTH

screamingabdab · 10/05/2009 20:16

I would echo what others have said. Both my DSs were over 3, and were clean and dry within 2 weeks (at night too). DS1 did have to be persuaded in the end, as he was showing NO signs of interest, but I felt confident doing that because he was so old lol!

Alarm bells are ringing from your story, because one of my friend's son appeared to be potty trained at around 2 and a quarter, but he continued to have regular accidents until he was nearly 5 ! It was so frustrating for her, and she really regrets going for it so early (he seemed to be ready but looking back she just wished she'd given up and left it for a while).

I know how hard it is to consider throwing in the towel though.

Hopefully someone will be on soon who has had the same experience and advise you whether to go back to nappies or not.

PM73 · 10/05/2009 20:17

Half were probably lying,take no notice of anyone else,like my mum says does it matter when they are 18 what age they were toilet trained/walked etc...

Give him another try for a couple of days,i would stay in if you can,then if it still isnt happening put him back in nappies then try again in a mth or so,

screamingabdab · 10/05/2009 20:17

X posts with everyone !

Original poster

Gmac2009 · 10/05/2009 20:19

Just had a chat with my DH and think we will put him back in nappies.
I breaks my heart to see the wee look of confusion on his face when we do the 'toilet talk' post accident.
Thanks so much for all your help.
I'm a new MNer and can't believe I've got to number 2 without it!

OP posts:

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