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Behaviour/development

Talk to others about child development and behaviour stages here. You can find more information on our development calendar.

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Original poster

Bedtime tantrums, now both of us are crying, vomit everywhere, screaming child, help me please....?

100 replies

BlueBumedFly · 27/04/2009 20:25

I really hope that someone can help me, I am having a really bad time of it at the moment.

Life is in a nutshell pretty darn rubbish although I know I have a shed load to be grateful for. So, top line, FIL is sadly passing away very slowly, SDD has had a year of peanut desensitisation which is marvelous but has its own set of challenges. Other SDD has had spine surgery, again, lots of challenges most of which are upsetting although the light at the end of the tunnel is that she is getting so much better and will be better within the next 9 months.

Little DD (2 this week) has struggled with all of these changes and comings and goings. DH away most weekends at his parents which means DD is with me all of the time at weekends. She goes to Nursery for 3 days in the week, which she loves and is with my Mum for one day. I work 4 days.

So, enough babbling. Bedtime has become a total and utter nightmare. She was always excellent at going to bed, has slept through the night since 16 weeks. It has been getting worse and worse over the last few weeks, one more book, one more story, one more song. Tonight was the end of the road.

We went up as normal but she started crying straight away. Did not want to sleep in her bag so I got her duvet out. Nice. Did milk, did stories, then the crying started. Screaming, shouting. I went back in and comforted as best I could, tried not to get angry but must sadly admit I did in the end.

Picked her up again, did one more rendition of Twinkle Twinkle Little Star, put her down, she would not lie down so I left her standing. She cried, I left her for 5 minutes, then she vomited. Went back in almost in tears myself, changed her, did another cup of milk, no stories this time. Put her down, more tears, tried to comfort, left her for 2 mins and she went to sleep finally.

PLEASE someone give me some advice, where am I going wrong. Is there too much choice in her room (toys and books) - should I take these out and just offer 1 or 2 books then be firm it is bedtime.

Please help, I don't want a child that you see on Super Nanny!!!

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Original poster

BlueBumedFly · 28/04/2009 21:13

Biccy - thanks hun, that really did help. No, have not read that, is it good? I can have a look on Amazon?

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Biccy · 28/04/2009 21:17

I think it's a wonderful book, good review here and on amazon here.

Original poster

BlueBumedFly · 28/04/2009 21:20

Brilliant, I am gonna get myself one of those! Thanks Biccy

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Original poster

BlueBumedFly · 28/04/2009 21:43

Thanks stinky, am actually having that glass of wine.... Monday and Tuesday wine, bad BBF.

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Original poster

BlueBumedFly · 29/04/2009 19:39

T875 - you there? How goes it? Upstairs? Downstairs?

Tonight we had lots of tears when Pepper Pig got turned off, cried through the bath so I did not push it, just slooshed and took her into her bedroom. Lots of tears through ezcema cream application (suncream at nursery not good with her). So, i just kept telling her I was there, I was there, I was there as she kept crying Mummy Cuddle whilst I rubbed in the cream, put on the vest and PJs.

Onto the sofa, milk with no books, just singing again. DH was there tonight and I think her anger was at him as he turned off Pepper Pig! So, we had 2 books then put them away, went to say good night to Daddy and she did not want to hug or kiss him but still broke her heart when he left. He came back and same reaction again. I went through the process of saying goodnight to all the bears, put her in her cot and miracle of miracles she let me lie her down and cover her up. Put in the nite light and put on a singing cow lullerby (sp?) toy promising to be back in 1 minute. I went back said goodnight again and wound up the cow and said I would be back in 10 mins. I went back in, she was playing with the nightlight but still lying down and not crying so I said night night again and she was asleep by 7.15pm. Granted, she is exhausted after a few nights of disrupted sleep.

So, lots of tears at the start but a better success in putting her down. I just feel I am treading on eggshells whereby I should be enjoying our time together, albeit during the bedtime routine. She does seem to be truly upset as opposed to attention tears, or maybe I am just a soft touch! Anyway, once she was under the covers with her singing cow and nite light she calmed right down. I know Rome was not built in a day but
I sooooo hope that this is short lived.

We are due to go away next Friday and I really want to go but I know it is going to disrupt her again, but you cannot live your life staying at home eh?

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t875 · 29/04/2009 19:55

hiya bbf

Good luck for tonight, has she settled down?

hubbies turn tonight...

but ill keep you posted.

Hope your little one settles ok!!

t875 · 29/04/2009 19:57

hoping he sticks with what were meant to do..i bet any money he will stay up there!

if he does he is soo signing a contract to put her to bed everynight!

Original poster

BlueBumedFly · 29/04/2009 20:00

Good for you!! I wish DH was home more often, then again it was almost too much for her having both of us I think!

Good luck hope you have a good trashy mag to read whilst your DH does the hard work tonight. Tell him he has to stick to the plan!!!!

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t875 · 29/04/2009 20:46

she's asleep!!! Woohoo!

is your little one settled bbf?

Original poster

BlueBumedFly · 29/04/2009 21:01

Yes thanks, we had a 7.15pm. She was totally exhausted though! We had all the tears at the start and once she was under the covers I think she realised just how tired she was.

Did your DH stick to the plan?

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t875 · 29/04/2009 21:41

yeah he did shockingly bbf!

Well done you sounds like you are doing great with getting her settled!!

Glad she went down well for you again!

Original poster

BlueBumedFly · 29/04/2009 22:07

Horray for us!

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Dysgu · 29/04/2009 22:36

Well done for getting everyone settled! I wish my DD1 would let DP put her to bed in her room - she gets him to let her come down to our room instead.

I really want to get to the stage of being able to leave her to put herself to sleep again - she was so easy before DD2 arrived at Xmas. I know we have made this problem last longer as could not cope with sorting it out when DD2 was tiny and still in NICU.

Hmm - we only have 3 more nights before we go away and then I really will do something about it. I don't mind sitting with her until she goes to sleep if that is what she needs but it is taking ages - 30 minutes is a good night! It just seems to take the whole evening to get her to bed and then DP is already asleep after long day at work - and he gets up at 5.30am with DD2.

And here is DD1 bringing herself downstairs! Off I go!

t875 · 29/04/2009 22:51

hope you have a nice time away Dysgu!!

maybe you need to go out a few times in the eveing even if its to the gym, or nip round a friends then hubby will have to put her to bed..although its different for you guys as your hubby is up early.

Good luck and keep us posted!!

Original poster

BlueBumedFly · 30/04/2009 08:42

Genius drop off at Nursery today. DD obviously is not keen on the room leader that does earlys on mon/tue/wed as today it was her key carer doing the early shift and apart from a little winge she was fine. She does not usually go on a Thur but my Mum is poorly so she could not have her. Well that is it then, nothing I can do, I can hardly ask that the beloved key carer changes her shifts to suit my daughter and she is always in within 30 mins of me dropping off so DD is just gonna have to get used to it I guess! Poor pickle, I will be really pleased when she can compute that people are 'coming soon'. I will just gt this sorted and they change rooms again in September! They never seem to do more than 6-9 months in any one room, I just get her settled and it is off again!!!

DD slept totally fine under her duvet, no nightmares or crying out. I guess the bag was restricting her too much which shows what I know!! I thought it was a security thing!!!!

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Dysgu · 30/04/2009 08:53

Took a while to settle her and then awake on and off through the night.

I don't know why she is waking up. There was no noise when she woke up and had been asleep for a couple of hours.

She is very verbal but when i asked her if she knew what had made her wake up she just shakes her head.

She is happy enough and doesn't seem to have nightmares. I think the crying only started last night when she got to our room and found i wasn't there!

AitchTwoOh · 30/04/2009 09:56

i'm actually frightened of sleeping bags, and so is dd1. she used to go crazy when i put her in the grobag, so she had a duvet from 9 mos (prior to that she was swaddled and in a hammock). we like to sleep with our feet outside the covers in my family, it drives dh mad cos he's a right snuggler.

AitchTwoOh · 30/04/2009 10:01

lol at frightened of sleeping bags. i'm a bit phobic of being In Them, i mean. i don't actually curl into a ball if i'm in the same room.

Original poster

BlueBumedFly · 30/04/2009 12:52

Aitch - that is so funny! I am pretty darn stupid not to have worked this out actually as I am scared of sleeping bags!! I have what my DH calls my 'thermostatic foot' that has to be out of the duvet to regulate my heat!!

I spent a week climbing a few years back and had to sleep in a bag the whole time I was on the mountain - it was sooooo dreadful.

I am officially a crap mother!

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mistlethrush · 30/04/2009 14:46

Just a thought - we found it better if ds turned the program off himself (and you need to time this so that they turn it off just at the end of a program before they know what is coming on next - and you need to give them plenty of warning - ie we're going up to bed after this has finished...)

AitchTwoOh · 30/04/2009 18:00

yes, me too, i thought 'oh she'll LOVE this, all babies do etc etc etc' and she had a fit of the conniptions. much as i would do faced with a night of my legs being tied together in a sleeping bag. dur.

Original poster

BlueBumedFly · 30/04/2009 19:59

Mistlethrush - thanks for that! I tried it tonight and it did actually work. After the DVD was done and I had treated her to 'one more episode' (Pepper Pig, nice and short) I suggested that it was all done and she might like to turn the TV off then I left the room and told her I was in the kitchen. She started to cry, moan, whine for more PP which I ignored then 2 mins later came out very pleased with herself for turning off the TV. I of course heaped on loads of praise and frantic clapping then ushered her upstairs. I am sure it will not always be quite so easy but will go down that route from here on in.

Aitch - she has gone down again very happily in her duvet with her night light tucked under her arm. Quite a bit of sobbing and protestation before actually getting into bed but once in I think the soft cosyness took over!

T875 - where are you at tonight?

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mistlethrush · 01/05/2009 09:28

Glad it helped!

t875 · 01/05/2009 23:51

Hello BBF and everyone else.

Well touch wood were ok, she is going to sleep relatively on time the last couple of nights.

Hows things there with your little one?

Original poster

BlueBumedFly · 02/05/2009 19:29

Hello t875

All good here, well, getting better at any rate. The days sleeps are still a bit of a challenge as I guess she is tired but not as shattered as at night hence she has a better fighting spirit!

We have adopted the one minute rule which I am sure will not go on and on for the foreseeable future and beyond. At night I can put her into the cot and lie her down with the toys and the singing cow as long as I return within a minute, my loo break so to speak! Then I say I will be back in a 'while' and she said the other day 'Mummy downstairs' which is brilliant as she is obviously developing a minds eye and can imagine I am not too far away.

So, progress at night, Nursery drop off terrible! Hey ho, Rome was not built in a day. She is also now scared of Pepper Pig's friend Elly the Elephant and George's 'dinesaw...rarrrrr'. She is a funny pickle!

Hope everyone else is well xxx

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