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Original poster

Bedtime tantrums, now both of us are crying, vomit everywhere, screaming child, help me please....?

100 replies

BlueBumedFly · 27/04/2009 20:25

I really hope that someone can help me, I am having a really bad time of it at the moment.

Life is in a nutshell pretty darn rubbish although I know I have a shed load to be grateful for. So, top line, FIL is sadly passing away very slowly, SDD has had a year of peanut desensitisation which is marvelous but has its own set of challenges. Other SDD has had spine surgery, again, lots of challenges most of which are upsetting although the light at the end of the tunnel is that she is getting so much better and will be better within the next 9 months.

Little DD (2 this week) has struggled with all of these changes and comings and goings. DH away most weekends at his parents which means DD is with me all of the time at weekends. She goes to Nursery for 3 days in the week, which she loves and is with my Mum for one day. I work 4 days.

So, enough babbling. Bedtime has become a total and utter nightmare. She was always excellent at going to bed, has slept through the night since 16 weeks. It has been getting worse and worse over the last few weeks, one more book, one more story, one more song. Tonight was the end of the road.

We went up as normal but she started crying straight away. Did not want to sleep in her bag so I got her duvet out. Nice. Did milk, did stories, then the crying started. Screaming, shouting. I went back in and comforted as best I could, tried not to get angry but must sadly admit I did in the end.

Picked her up again, did one more rendition of Twinkle Twinkle Little Star, put her down, she would not lie down so I left her standing. She cried, I left her for 5 minutes, then she vomited. Went back in almost in tears myself, changed her, did another cup of milk, no stories this time. Put her down, more tears, tried to comfort, left her for 2 mins and she went to sleep finally.

PLEASE someone give me some advice, where am I going wrong. Is there too much choice in her room (toys and books) - should I take these out and just offer 1 or 2 books then be firm it is bedtime.

Please help, I don't want a child that you see on Super Nanny!!!

OP posts:
Original poster
BlueBumedFly · 27/04/2009 21:25

I think as I am at work and don't get in till 5.30pm it can be a real rush. I don't do tea when I get home as she has eaten at nursery but I might introduce some toast, make it more of a routine. We don't have a bath every night but I might try to do something else as a constant - any ideas?

Iwish - wine for you too, voila!

NotmyElf - going to read your thread now. Thank you x

Lovemygirls - I agree on the giving in! I would be up until 10 if she had her way!

Dysgu - we are going away too, dreading it after tonight but maybe it is the change we need.

I am also dreading putting her in a travel cot as she hates them. She is still in a cot here and not one we can take with us. Does anyone know of any folding wooden cots?

OP posts:
Original poster
BlueBumedFly · 27/04/2009 21:27

Aitch -I like the idea of the IKEA light, I will try to get up there to get one, thanks.

OP posts:
Stinkyfeet · 27/04/2009 21:27

Yum!

You know I would normally totally agree with the idea that she's testing boundaries, and would say to put her to bed then walk away.

It's just what you say about her struggling with the changes going on around her - that's what makes me think to go a bit easier on her at the moment.

AitchTwoOh · 27/04/2009 21:29

some toast and milk and a chat sounds lovely, imo. i wouldn't do a bath every night as ime there's a big opportunity to arse around there.

have you thought about putting her in a bed, or dropping the side of the cot? it might seem counter-intuitive but dd needed it at 2, she felt imo very 'contained' in the cot.

Original poster
BlueBumedFly · 27/04/2009 21:41

OK stinky, will try harder to be more patient.

Aitch - I had not thought of dropping the cot side, might try that tomorrow night. Did you leave it down all night?

OP posts:
Biccy · 27/04/2009 21:46

We don't always do a bath - it's either a bath or a top and tail wash in the sink; the constant is there's always some time in the bathroom to get clean.

AitchTwoOh · 27/04/2009 21:56

yes, it was kind of an act of trust, we just stopped pulling it up. obviously she could have got out (in fact she could climb over it when it was up tbh) but she didn't. i don't know why, maybe because she didn't need to?

Original poster
BlueBumedFly · 27/04/2009 22:00

OK, lots to take in and take away here. Many thanks to all for stepping up in my plight, very touched.

OP posts:
t875 · 27/04/2009 22:01

bluebummedfly-- I posted about something similar about my 4 year old.

there is a lot of replies to mine and also someone posted a link further down to a article in the times from tanya byron about what they are afraid of etc..

I can imagine things will be slightly different with our children as yours is 2 and mines 4. But there was some good replies and advise.

Hope ths stage passes very soon for you, i know how frustrating it is. {{hug}}

Original poster
BlueBumedFly · 27/04/2009 22:07

t875 - thank you hun, do you have a link to this, I would be really interested to read it.

Oddly enough she has been really teary at nursery drop offs too. Perhaps an 'afraid' stage of development?

OP posts:
AitchTwoOh · 27/04/2009 22:11

sounds like it, bbf. poor wee scrap.

Original poster
BlueBumedFly · 27/04/2009 22:23

Aitch - I guess so, I feel bad now for being to 'firm' with her. Poor pickle, just don't want to create worse 'time wasting' habits but also don't want her upset and sad.

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AitchTwoOh · 27/04/2009 22:28

true. thing is, i do love getting into bed beside dd... it'll not be long before she'll rather die than let me cuddle her.

SmilingEi · 27/04/2009 22:30

hi,

i have had this exact problem with my DD from about 2.5yo she has been very trying with bedtimes. we have managed to crack it the past couple of months as we literally tried everything with no success what i mean by that is we did softly softly, controlled crying, gradually withdrawing, toast-bath-bed, letting her stay up later, putting her to bed earlier, getting her to sleep during the daytime, taking the daytime nap away, stories before bed...i could go on and what eventually worked for us is simply me relaxing and accepting that my DD is not a textbook sleeper and has her own very specific ideas on bedtime as soon as i started going with her flow we both started getting on alot better also i noticed she used to stand dozing by her door gate which happened to be the noisiest part of her room so i decided to put a TV in her room (dont flame me it bloody worked for us) as background noise and she now spends alot more time lying in her bed dozing off to the dulcet tones of the night garden/disney film of her choice etc dont get me wrong it isnt the ideal thing having a TV in a 3.4yo's bedroom- not the least for the electric bill and we do still have the odd problem but they are alot easier dealt with now
i know she might have grown out of the problem but i am leaning towards the relaxing aout her routine and TV white noise/background music thing
hope you get some results soon
xx ei xx

sandyballs · 27/04/2009 22:36

I remember my twin DDs going through a similar phase at that age and it was a bloody nightmare so i do sympathise. We got through it by letting them fall asleep on the sofa in front of a DVD and then carrying them up to bed asleep. I remember beating myself up about it, thinking I was creating bad habits and they would never ever fall asleep in their own beds again, but it was just a phase and it was the right solution at the time.

LynetteScavo · 27/04/2009 22:38

My sympaties. I went through all this tonight with DD - except the vimiting. Ds1 used to do that. The only solution I found is sitting with them untill they are asleep. It's is a pain, but only takes 10 mins and does lead to an easier evening over all. By the time they are 6 they will probably go to sleep by themselves, so it's not for ever.

DH wanted to talk to me tonight, which is why there was no snuggling, and DD kept comming down stairs. Needless to say we didn't talk - he's now in bed!

LynetteScavo · 27/04/2009 22:38

My sympaties. I went through all this tonight with DD - except the vimiting. Ds1 used to do that. The only solution I found is sitting with them untill they are asleep. It's is a pain, but only takes 10 mins and does lead to an easier evening over all. By the time they are 6 they will probably go to sleep by themselves, so it's not for ever.

DH wanted to talk to me tonight, which is why there was no snuggling, and DD kept comming down stairs. Needless to say we didn't talk - he's now in bed!

Stinkyfeet · 27/04/2009 22:38

Let us know how you get on tomorrow night, won't you BBF?

t875 · 27/04/2009 23:30

here you go bluebummedfly.

I am rubbish with linking etc..

women.timesonline.co.uk/tol/life_and_style/women/families/article1081102.ece

hope it works, otherwise its just under yours on the main page of behavior/development.

all the best to you hun.

Original poster
BlueBumedFly · 28/04/2009 08:22

Will do stinky. Had to wake her up this morning for nursery and she cried when I left which is another new development. I am going to get a night lite today.

Thanks for the link t875, will have a read.

Thanks everyone, will post later - praying for a better night tonight!

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sorkycakey · 28/04/2009 08:37

She's only 2 though BBF.
If she wants another book let her have one, why not?
She'll go to sleep eventually when she feels safe and comfortable. Maybe it'll take a while and a good bit of patience, but she will go to sleep and both you and she will feel better for no tears and tantrums.
Comfort her, lie next to her, help her feel safe.

There's a very good book called "no-cry sleep solution" by elizabeth pantley which is very good.

t875 · 28/04/2009 09:56

Hope its better for you tonight BBF!

Good luck! I'm trying different approaches 2!

mistlethrush · 28/04/2009 10:22

BBF - see you're worried about travel cot - for some time we just travelled with the cot mattress with us - ds loved it - he knew it was 'his' bed that we were bringing with us and it worked fine.

Ds has the radio on to go to sleep with - normally radio 3 () but sometimes classic FM if its a modern opera or too much speaking on R3 . He also has strict routine - up to bed (sometimes we take pudding with us to finish) - bath, teeth, then into bedroom and 2 stories and 2 songs. We did have a bit of a monster problem when he was around 2 - but he has two 'friendly monsters' who look after him and chase all the nasty monsters away (we've even been round the park with him holding my hand one side and one of the monsters on the other )

Original poster
BlueBumedFly · 28/04/2009 10:29

sorky - I agree with the book thing but I end up saying 'one more' 'one more' so it never actually means anything. She really needs 12 hours sleep as well and if it gets too late she is a cranky as hell getting up for nursery the next day. I will try that book though, many thanks.

Mistle - may well take the mattress, that is a good idea thanks

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AitchTwoOh · 28/04/2009 11:57

dd1 is three and i don't really think she gets the concept of one more tbh. she thinks it's a conversation rather than a final word. it's just one of those things you have to brook no opposition about. last book and that's it, then distract distract with some chat about something nice that happened today as you snuggle down.