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Behaviour/development

Talk to others about child development and behaviour stages here. You can find more information on our development calendar.

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Original poster

Slightly uncomfortable and confusing (for me) situation

24 replies

PrettyCandles · 25/04/2005 20:09

Longish background: A few months ago we got a book out of the library about a baby bat, and in the book the mummy bat carries the baby bat like monkeys carry their babies, ie the baby clings onto the mummy's tummy, wrapping arms and legs around the mmummy. When resting mummy wraps her wings around the baby. Anyway, dd, 2.4y, invented a game which involves her being the baby bat and creeping under my dressing gown for a bat-cuddle and I wrap my 'wings' ie dressing gown around her. This usually happens while I'm dressing them, so they're naked or half-naked, and I'm in dressing-gown only. Ds, 4.6y, also likes playing baby bat.

This morning ds cuddled right into the dressing gown, his head resting on my breast and the whole of him hidden under the gown. When he came out he had an erection. He asked me why his willy was 'sticking out'. I jsut said that sometimes they do that.

Question is, should I let the bat game continue?

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marne · 25/04/2005 20:17

Get another book from the library and sugest a new game to go with the story and hope they forget about the bat game. Or tell them about coala bears and how there babys cling to there mummys backs for a cudle.

Good luck

Original poster

PrettyCandles · 26/04/2005 09:29

Told dh about this last night and to my surprise he didn't think it was an issue. Tho he did say that if it happens 2 or 3 times more then to change or avoid the game.

OP posts:

Original poster

PrettyCandles · 27/04/2005 14:41

I'm surprised that no-one has an opnion on this (apart from marne ) because I find it rather confusing and worrying and would like to hear what others think.

OP posts:

suzywong · 27/04/2005 14:57

Ummmm.... wouldn't pull the plug on it off of a sudden but would be best to find another animal/love mum game.

koalas are a great idea

Don't think it's going to send your (very cute as I remember) son in to a man with a specialism. After all nice cuddley warm human contact is what makes men have erections and it just shows he's wired properly for later life

colditz · 27/04/2005 14:58

You said the right thing, cos it's true. Sometimes they do just do that. Don't worry about it, maybe keep batgame until both children are clothed, using it as a reward for putting clothes on quickly?

saadia · 27/04/2005 15:00

prettycandles, I did read this yesterday but didn't really know what to say.

If I were you I would put a stop to the game, specially as ds is closer to 5yrs then 4yrs. For some reason, I too find it a bit disturbing, but to be honest I can't really articulate why. It just doesn't seem right. Hope this helps.

saadia · 27/04/2005 15:00

prettycandles, I did read this yesterday but didn't really know what to say.

elliott · 27/04/2005 15:04

personally, I would be low key and not pull the plug on the game - unless it happens repeatedly. Little boys need cuddles too and I wouldn't read anything dodgy or sexual into his erection - as you said, it just happens sometimes.

tarantula · 27/04/2005 15:05

I think you said the right thing re willies sometimes do that cos that is the truth. really like the suggestions that ahve been given here re waiting till they are dressed and the koala game. I wouldnt make a big fuss over it just phaseit out gradually.

Sorry thats not really that helpful is it? But I dont think that it is any big problem at all.

colditz · 27/04/2005 15:08

If he was a girl, you wouldn't even know, and if he enjoys this cuddle, just wait til he's dressed!

redsky · 27/04/2005 15:09

This makes me feel uncomfortable and confused too PC - haven't got a clue what to say to you - perhaps others feel the same too. I'd be curious to know if any mums get in the bath with their sons - I did once when ds was a baby but it made me feel a bit yuk.

suzywong · 27/04/2005 15:12

oh you're wise, Colditz mum

zubb · 27/04/2005 15:16

I'm with Colditz on this - they do just do this, but if you don't feel comfortable with it then phase it out slowly.
Redsky I have baths with ds1 (3) and ds2 (1)quite often, both at the same time sometimes.

suzywong · 27/04/2005 15:24

If only our bath tub was big enough I'd be right in there having fun in the foam with my two, and my two ds es as well

scotlou · 27/04/2005 15:34

It wouldn't worry me - they just do that sometimes!
I have baths with both my ds and dd at the same time - and my dh has baths with them too. We even occasionally all get in together - but it's a bit of a squash!

Original poster

PrettyCandles · 27/04/2005 20:52

Thanks for your responses! Good idea about keeping the bat game for when we are dressed, because it is a very lovely game, and I confess that I too enjoy it very much.

We often share baths - me, dh, ds, dd - and aren't fussy about being dressed when at home; it's nice being so comfortable in our skins. Though, as a result of some comments ds made about dh's 'tackle', dh has taken to keeping a pair of pyjama bottoms under his pillow, to slip on on weekend mornigns when both children tend to end up in our bed.

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marthamoo · 27/04/2005 20:59

It really wouldn't bother me - it isn't a sexual response, they do just do that at this age! If it makes you feel a bit uncomfortable then phase out the bat game gradually (not straight away because you don't want him to connect his sticky-up willy to no more nice skin-to-skin cuddles with Mummy).

You will gradually pick up on when he is no longer comfortable seeing you naked - my ds1 has only just reached this stage now (he's just 8). He now knocks on the bathroom door in the morning to make sure I'm decent before he comes in. Ds2 (3), in contrast, has a boob fetish and if he catches sight of me naked chases me round the house, a la Benny Hill, shouting "I want to touch your nipples, Mummy!"

HTH!

morningpaper · 27/04/2005 21:05

lol @ Benny Hill!!!

I agree with Colditz - I'd just slip some trousers on him and let the game continue, unless he starts to behave differently or it becomes a consistent response!

Original poster

PrettyCandles · 27/04/2005 21:08

LOL at your little Benny Hill, Marthamoo.

OP posts:

Rinkydink · 27/04/2005 21:50

It is natural, even just a warm, comfortable, relaxing feeling can 'bring one on'! My 2 yr old son had an erection the other day, while i was getting him dressed (very slowly because he kept laughing and running away!) my daughter and i started singing Baa Baa Black Sheep, Ds was so thrilled by this, he 'rose' for the occasion! Got nappy on quick though, before Dd asked any questions! We are also quite open about our bodies/ being naked, although their dad always puts boxer shorts on before wandering around the house in the mornings, just makes him feel more comfortable.
Must admit i found Ds erections quite unnerving when he was first born, as i had only had a girl before, i had no idea boys even had erections before their teens! (I suppose, because this was when i was introduced to them!)
But now, if i notice it happening, just pop his nappy on, and carry on playing, singing whatever.

Prufrock · 27/04/2005 22:17

There is nothing wrong wth teh game, but I can understand why you find it worrying. I think that is more to do with your own feelings though, and the fact we have been sadly conditioned into oersexualising perfectly normal things our kids do. DD and DH/I have a game which invoves her wrapping herself round you(klingons we call it) and then being dumped on the bed still hugging. Often the adult lying above then bounces up and down on hands and knees on the bed, causing lots of giggles. I have never thought anything of this, but dh confessed the other day that he has stopped it, as the position reminds him to much of a sexual one. Not that he feels sexual, just that it's a similar one to one he is all too occasionally in with me. I found it sad that it meant he is no longer comfortable doing something completely innocent that they both enjoyed.

ionesmum · 27/04/2005 22:20

Lots of wise advice here. I don't have a ds but if I did I wouldn't be fussed and would certainly have a bath with him! The last thing any child needs is to end up with a hang-up over their body - and it doing something over which they have no control.

ionesmum · 27/04/2005 22:21

I agree Prufrock. A frien dof mine came back from holiday in the U.K. really shocked about toddlers playing on the beach with no clothes on. I can understand her concerns but found it so sad.

Kiwigirl · 29/04/2005 07:26

Well, my DH spends all his time around the house in his undies - which is fine, but exasperating, cause all of our lovely photos of DD have DH lounging in the background.... we both have baths with DD, and I would be sad not to. The Bat game sounds lovely and your DS will stop wanting to play soon enough

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