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Behaviour/development

Talk to others about child development and behaviour stages here. You can find more information on our development calendar.

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Original poster

2 year old dd keeps hitting

17 replies

tammybear · 25/04/2005 17:19

my dd, just over 2 now, has picked up hitting. if she doesnt get her way, she'll hit me or my mum. how do i stop her from doing this? i dont want her to start behaving like this at nursery. thanks xxx

OP posts:

kid · 25/04/2005 17:22

I had the same problem with my DS (now 3), I am seeing a child psychologist with him at the moment and have been advised to stop him from hitting me by holding his arm and tell him it hurts me.
I must not hit back (not that I did anyway) and I have seen an improvement already!

Original poster

tammybear · 25/04/2005 17:25

i do the same. when she hits me, i hold her arm, and say to her not to do that as it hurts me. she then starts crying, and ill let go of her hand and then she'll hit me again twice. i try not to shout at her but sound like i mean it iykwim.

OP posts:

marne · 25/04/2005 17:48

My dd has started to hit me in the face, shes only 14 months and doesnt seem to understand that it hurts, i just say no loudly, then she crys, does it again then i move her awy from me and ignore her for a few seconds, seems to be working.

dropinthe · 25/04/2005 17:53

Ditto-also pinching and scratching-is it wrong to do it back very gently to show it hurts? My ds2 is 15 months?

Surfermum · 25/04/2005 17:55

Hi TB! DD is nearly 2 and she went through a phase of hitting me in the face. I tried saying "no" very sternly but it seemed to make things worse and she would do it again, she would hit harder, I would say "no" more sternly and it was like a vicious circle.

I was advised to ignore her, so what I do if she hits me is put her down and walk away, or just look away and make no eye contact and say nothing. When she comes to find me I'll say "that hurt mummy and you mustn't hit" and pretend to cry. The ignoring has really worked and she has stopped hitting now. Sometimes she goes to and it's as if she realises she mustn't and stops herself. She will still show me she isn't pleased about something but instead of hitting she will hide her face, it's like she's learnt from me that if you aren't pleased with someone you turn away. Long may it last!

Original poster

tammybear · 25/04/2005 17:57

hi surfermum, ill try the ignoring like you and marne said.

dropinthe, i dont like the idea of doing that. i think if i did that, my dd would think itd be okay to do it because i did it, iykwim

OP posts:

ChocolateGirl · 25/04/2005 20:25

My ds2 started hitting his big brother when he was about 2.5 yrs. And the kids at nursery... and the kids at playgroup... it was all a bit of a nightmare because I felt like I couldn't take my eyes off him etc. etc.

I didn't hit him back because I didn't think that would help. Ignoring it is probably better, imo - my son just seemed to grow out of it really, although it did take a few months.

I tried the naughty step routine and withdrawal of treats etc. but I have to say nothing really worked. At nursery they would just hold his arm and say "no hitting, kind hands" but really I think he just settled in over time and grew out of it.

Don't know if that helps at all. Most things are phases and just pass... don't you think?

Mandymoo · 25/04/2005 20:44

Hi
My DD is 2.5 yrs and is doing the hitting thing (mainly to me - i must be special!) - anyway when she goes to hit me i take her arm and say "oh, mummy prefers it when we cuddle" and give her an over the top cuddle. I find it distracts her. Ignoring it is also a good idea but i found that difficult to do when out at playgroups as i felt i should be seen to be dealing with it. Just my hang up i guess!! Good Luck XX

Original poster

tammybear · 25/04/2005 20:45

thanks guys, and the cuddle idea isnt too bad mandymoo, might try that one too.

OP posts:

Troilus · 05/07/2006 21:29

My 21 month old daughter 'attacks' other children at playgroups and whenever other children are around. I am at my wits end. She suddenly spies a child and has not even been provoked. She literally runs with arms outstetched and claws at their face and eyes. all the mothers scream out 'stop!' and 'no!' which is obviously really embarrassing. When I scold her she just finds it hilarious. Not sure what to do to stop it. It has been going on now for a long time and I am starting to think I need to take her to a child psychologist. Any advice much appreciated!

albosmum · 05/07/2006 21:39

Oh you should read the post i put on last week \link{http://www.mumsnet.com/Talk?topicid=8&threadid=187364&stamp=060704202445}
I have tried everthing to stop ds - naughty step, kind hands, ignoring etc - at the moment i am trying two mins in buggy for all unacceptable behaviour and if he looks like he is about to do something i say so and so likes kisses and cuddles. (btw ds is 26 months but it started at about 21 months). I will let you know if i see an improvement

albosmum · 05/07/2006 21:40

will try link again click here

Reece · 05/07/2006 21:42

My DS1(2.8)has been hitting me for a while but it seems to be petering out now. He did however slap one of the ladies at Playschool yesterday and I was horrified to hear he done such a thing. They told me not to say anything, that it had been dealt with!? I must ask them what they did.

I normally take the ignoring approach because once my son realises something bugs me he just does it more and more. If he hits really hard or hits his little brother I stoop down to his level, make eye contact and say "no hitting" in a firm voice. This seems to work.

DS2 has started biting. Any advice?

albosmum · 05/07/2006 21:56

my hv last week just told me to ignore all aggressive behaviour and give attention to the other child

Troilus · 05/07/2006 23:27

thanks for the comments. It's hard to ignore as the scratching thing can be quite dangerous. She goes for the eyes (the last time was with a 5 week old baby) so it is potentially a lot worse than hitting. I have tried ignoring it as when I tell her off she laughs and looks really pleased with herself but she has been doing it for about 5 months now so it seems never ending. The mums in the play groups look at me as if I shouldn't be there but I am not sure what I can do to stop it. I just have to follow her around all the time which is tiring to say the least and I am constantly on edge if a small baby is around as she is obsessed with them and will not leave them alone.

Troilus · 05/07/2006 23:34

it seems that biting and hitting is very common but I haven't heard anyone mentioning scratching. She literally goes for the eyes and nose like a cat, pulls hard and mostly draws blood. Its like a cat does (of which we have 3 at home who often scratch her) so our theory is that she has learnt it from them but that does not help us much in managing the problem apart from telling the cats off in front of her when they do it.

albosmum · 06/07/2006 13:56

to troilus just to let you 5 months ago ds2 went for a child and dug his nails into his face leaving 4 nail marks/blood and all on either cheek - ignoring is really hard thats what i have said to HV and at groups their is an expectation for you to tell your ds off - now because of ds's behaviour i have all but stopped going to groups meeting people one to one and i know this depends on your circumstances - plus it does not solve the problem.

Keep in touch and let me now if you resolve it

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