Are your children’s vaccines up to date?

Set a reminder

Please or to access all these features

Behaviour/development

Talk to others about child development and behaviour stages here. You can find more information on our development calendar.

Does anyone have a child who did not point but has developed normally?

104 replies

spur · 27/03/2009 09:16

Hi there, my 15 month old does not point and I am freaking out about it. Does anyone have a reassuring story to make me feel better - I know all the bad stuff that it could mean - I can not even get her do a pointy finger. I have been pointing at everything for weeks now!

She will wave bye bye with help and prompting most of the time. She does not pretend play or mimic me.

She took a few steps last week and seems to be making babbling sounds....mama, dada, buba

I know I may be worrying prematurely but when I see other kids the same age and much younger pointing and copying peekaboo etc. it does highlight things. On the whole she is a very happy and content baby which now I am thinking may also be a sign that something is not quite right.

Would appreciate any comments

OP posts:
Are your children’s vaccines up to date?
Roblyn · 22/01/2021 06:15

I know this is a super old post, but about 12 months ago I fell into a hole googling and promised I’d write my story in hope in helped someone.

When my son was 17 months old he he was very good at walking, happy most of the time and a great sleeper, and made eye contact. He was not pointing to anything, saying any words (had mumma and dada words but not attached to anything), didn’t wave, didn’t do imaginary play. We were freaking out.

10 days before he was 18 months he opened a book saw a dress on one page and a teddy wearing the same dress on the other page. He pointed at the 2 dresses and i cried. A day later he said ‘dada’ when his dad came home and not long after that mumma fall into place. By 18 months he had 3 words (just) and was occasionally pointing.
Over the next 3 months pointing became non stop and he got about 20 more words. His language was very unclear until he turned 2, now he has 200+ word and speaking in 5 word sentences.
His imaginary play only really started just before 2, and so did his love of cuddles and becoming a real mummas boy.

If you’re reading this, please stop googling. Enjoy your time with your little one, they’re going to turn out how they turn out. It’s so easy to go down a YouTube hole, it doesn’t help!

LJCMum · 26/01/2021 23:50

Hey how’s your toddler doing now with the gestures and language?

LJCMum · 26/01/2021 23:51

@Katie1025 how’s your little one doing now

FinnsMammy · 17/02/2021 23:32

@Roblyn thank you for this post. My little guy turned 17 months today and sounds exactly like your little guy except he hasn’t mastered walking yet either. I’m going to try hard to stop googling and enjoy my little boy.xx

Jessie2601 · 28/02/2021 18:10

My son is 16 month old.he can walk, run. He does not meet most of his milestones such as waving hand, gestures, imitation, pointing, and only looking at my finger when I point, doesn’t show me toys, doesn’t share happiness with me, sometimes doesn’t respond to name, but responds while outside or in friends home. Searches for us only behind 2 of our doors when I hide and say peek-a-bow, and gets excited seeing me. He smiles/laughs continuously when we smile or laugh, he has eye contact and a lot of observation. He claps now and then, not sure if this is a repetitive behaviour. He claps in excitement when he sees me after some long time(1 hr) when I come out of the room in the middle of work. He sometimes claps while bathing and claps when he is walks here and there. He sleeps from 10.30 pm to 7pm roughly. He only does ‘uuuuuu’ sound, with his eyes closed and when we give milk, he sleeps afterwards. He has 2 naps in a day, sometimes 1 nap when kids come to home. We dont think if he has any digestion issues or gut issues. He doesn’t like eating any fruit, even banana and his preference is salty or spicy food, but not sweeter food. We also feel he has some delay in fine motor skills, it’s a doubt. He has no words yet but babbles. He overall looks like a happy boy. We are waiting for evaluation and he has not yet diagnosed, but as a mother I feel he has delays to a major extent as he doesn’t meet the milestones especially not imitating by now. Im really worried if he is showing signs of autism. Very very hard to digest. I’m very depressed. I’m seeing posts with hope, that he may get a sudden change. My heart says he should be having any delay but my mind is saying he has a delay. I’m really helpless..

Mom2223 · 04/05/2021 23:50

@Jessie2601
My son is 20 months old. I think our boys ate both same age. My son Sounds exactly like your son. I'm on the same boat. Worrying, crying and Googling around to get the answers from internet and whatever possible ways. Have you gone through the early intervention yet? Please Share your experiences with me. How's it going and what kind of treatment are you referred to?
I had a telephonic appointment with a developmental pediatrician when my son was 18 months old. He said he's quite positive about my son not having autism. On his recommendation we have put my son in a daycare. I am going to see the doctor in person in about 3 weeks times, as the doctor wants to see his development.

LCM35 · 25/06/2021 13:26

Hello, I thought I would share my experience as I was (and still am at times) a worried mum.
When my son was 18 months I was concerned about him or really babbling and having no words so I turned to Google and discovered the importance of pointing. My son did not point at that time and I completely freaked out. I googled, I cried and panicked most days and nights. The worry was all consuming.

We got a private SALT on board as I wanted to feel like I was doing something but still my worries continued. I read thread after thread on mumsnet and reached out to many of the posters for updates and reassurance.
My son began to point around 19/20 months. He failed MCHAT at 18 months but scored 0 at 24 months. He didn’t have any other red flags other than my original worry of lack of words.

He had very few words at 24 months (3 I think) and I was still worried. In the last 3 weeks my sons speech has exploded and he’s labelling lots of things and occasionally says 2 words together. I think we are maybe at around 100 words. Now, I know he’s still behind his peers but he is making amazing progress in a very short time. I hope he catches up in his own time.

He’s hit all other milestones but where communication is concerned, he has always been that wee bit behind. So although I worried about the late pointing, his communication skills appear to have developed in a neurotypical way but just on his own timescale.

I guess I can’t say for certain that there isn’t anything underlying but GP and HV are not concerned so I’m holding onto that.
I do still worry (I’m a mum, it’s my job) and sometimes that hole I fell down before still appears. Google can be great but it can also fuel existing worry and anxiety. While I would never tell anyone not to worry, because so many people did to me and I continued to worry, I would say try to stay positive. I deeply regret how depressed I became and how much it impacted my enjoyment of my son.

If anyone has similar experiences, it would be good to hear. I hope my experience can give some others hope and a little bit of comfort.

FinnsMammy · 25/06/2021 16:00

@LCM35 thank you so much for your update. How old is your son now? My little boy just turned 21 months we still have no words and he is still not pointing ! Of course I worry and we have started speech therapy but he is just the happiest joyful little lad and I think I have just accepted that although I will do everything within my power to help him he is going to turn out the way he is supposed to ! Your post has really given me a lot of hope so thank you !

LCM35 · 25/06/2021 17:15

My little one is 2 years 4 months.
I know the worry all to well and I do still have off days when I worry but I’m just so pleased that he’s finding his words. He amazes me on a daily basis with the words he’s coming out with. I used to be worried that he wasn’t imitating words. Now he is. He’s just on his own timescale.
I spoke to our local authority speech therapist, who wasn’t concerned in the slightest. Health visitor not concerned either. I think some kids just do things a little later and that’s ok.
The best thing you can do is continue to encourage and model words and gestures. We are our children’s best teacher. I do think COVID has played a part as my son wasn’t around other children for around a year but now that he is, he’s copying them and playing alongside. Imaginary play also emerging and it’s lovely to see. All my son needed was time.

I often would read threads on mumsnet but then rarely learn how things turned out so for parents. I’m pleased that I can offer some positivity!

Helena83 · 03/09/2021 12:33

Did u visit a doctor? Any mire info you can provide on this matter, please

Helena83 · 03/09/2021 12:36

Did u have an evaluation? What is their reply?

LCM35 · 03/09/2021 14:22

Hi @Helena83
I can only speak for myself and my son. I didn’t have any evaluations, nor did I require to speak to GP. We worked with a speech therapist, and continue to do so. Is there anything else I can help with?

Helena83 · 04/09/2021 20:58

My son is 1.6 and does not point, and says only dada and mama … sometimes when he wants. It worries me that he does not point. Is this something to be afraid of?

LCM35 · 04/09/2021 21:17

I honestly think it’s hard to say because he could wake up tomorrow and start pointing. I think if little ones aren’t pointing by 24 months, it’s worth a visit to the GP. It might be absolutely nothing though but worth keeping an eye on when they get to that age.
I’d say if you are concerned and worried just now then speak to your HV or GP. No harm can come from getting advice just now.

r1911 · 27/03/2022 08:04

@Smd30 @NatiMark @Serwaa91 @BAST1 @Yany13 @FinnsMammy @Jessie2601 @Mom2223 hi everyone, can anyone kindly provide any updates on how your little ones are doing now? My 19 month old is exactly the same. I am really worried as he is not talking, pointing, doesnt always respond to name and people. Any replies would be helpful

Serwaa91 · 27/03/2022 10:00

Hii, my daughter started pointing around 21 months. She’s diagnosed as Autistic and the most happiest little girl I know. She’s talking a lot more but not yet very conversational. She can tell me what she wants and generally gets her point across very well. I still worry about her but that’s because I’m her mum. She has come on SO much since I last posted and I couldn’t be anymore prouder. I’m not saying your child is or could be autistic I’m just sharing my experience. I pushed for a diagnosis because I was right and now she has all support put in place in time for school 😊. All the best xx

Serwaa91 · 27/03/2022 10:05

@r1911

r1911 · 27/03/2022 10:17

@Serwaa91 thank you so much for responding and sharing! Its lovely to hear how well she is doing and so reassuring.

FinnsMammy · 27/03/2022 12:42

@r1911 my little guy is 30 months now still not pointing or talking but he is communicating in his own way, he also responds to his name understands almost everything and has great eye contact.We have him in early intervention and have been told he has a speech and language issue for now but he’s not autistic. We had his bloods drawn too a few weeks ago to see if there was any genetic abnormalities but we are still waiting on the results . Overall he is an extremely engaging social and happy little guy which is why we are told he doesn’t meet the criteria for autism but I’m not ruling it out yet. Best of luck you’re not alone xx

r1911 · 27/03/2022 13:00

@FinnsMammy thank you so much for responding - he sounds like he is doing so well! Its lovely that he is able to understand and communicate in his own way! I think im just really worried and scared in the unknown which can feel a little lonely - hearing back from you all is so lovely 💗

NatiMark · 27/03/2022 15:59

Hi!

My son started getting Early Intervention when he was 20 months old. We had 4 hours of ABA 5 days a week, 1,5 hours of speech, and an hour of OT. It took us two months to start therapy because we couldn't find therapists, but I worked with him for those two months, and honestly, therapists were saying that he is nothing like in his report. I worked mainly on pointing and increasing his attention span. We discontinued his OT in about two months because I saw no point. We kept speech for 1,5 years. And decreased hours of ABA from 4 to 2 hours in about four months and then eventually discontinued after four more months. ABA therapist and I had a nice tandem, he used some ABA tactics but appreciated my respectful parenting approach, so he would beautifully mix those.
My son had about ten words at the age of 24 months. And then he just sped up so much. I don't remember how it went from 10 words to beautiful sentences, he says now. He is bilingual. He understands English completely and says some very needed phrases but prefers his native language, so it is just a matter of preference. He is a brilliant little guy. Very passionate about trains, dinosaurs, cooking, letters, reading. He learned letters before his second birthday and counting and recognizing numbers around 24-25 months (by himself, we used to take trains a lot). I’m not saying it's early.
I am just happy because, during the evaluation, they would repeat to me that he will have learning problems in the future. Well, he doesn’t show this and has been good at so much stuff, including physical development. When he is on a one-one playdate, you can notice how he is emotionally more stable and mature and how much better is his play skills. His pretend play skills are so good. He shows so much creativity when playing. But when he is around peers at the playground, he shuts down and tries to learn those little guys and shows his shy personality. He is very slow to warm up, and I would not say he is as careless as other guys. His emotional intelligence was always a priority for us, so he can understand what he feels and communicates well about those situations at the playground. He shares being shy because of XYZ, being scared because one guy is very unpredictable, etc. I’ve heard that there are so many pandemic babies like him. My lo didn’t have any other exposure other than a few therapists and myself for 1,5 years of the pandemic. Then we started safe playdates with a few other moms, and he became best friends with all his playdate buddies. I want to mention that he is so good at maintaining friendships that we had to take him to Chicago to see his pandemic best friend that moved out😁

Another issue that we face now, but I am sure it is common, is separation anxiety. As I mentioned before, he was always around me, even during therapy sessions. So leaving the house is so hard. His dad ends up taking him outside and looking for me. That is what calms him down. We are working on this right now. We had another issue caused by therapy sessions - the inability to play independently, the main reason I canceled therapy earlier. I had to work with him, and we can finally see that he has become more independent. He is a picky eater, which I am still working on, but he does eat a lot of different dishes that we had to introduce 100 times before he started enjoying it, but he just doesn't like new flavors, and it takes him forever to trust me and try something new.
None of his therapists could solve this issue. I think it's just the way he is. We had a hard time with potty training, but I’ve decided to give up, and by his second birthday, he just shown interest. We dropped diapers cold turkey 😁 He doesn’t have an ASD diagnosis. Even during follow-up evaluation, when I had already canceled ABA therapy, the coordinators said he would never qualify for ABA with reports he has now. I don’t know what will happen when he is at school, he is only three years old, and besides drop-in classes, where I stay with him, he never was in the school settings alone. I can definitely say that he struggles with separation anxiety and mild social anxiety. I will update you in a few months about our progress. I wrote so much! Sometimes I am asked about my son’s development and what helped us overcome problems. I always say books! I spent a fortune on books, but then I started going to a public library, and we started checking out so many different books. Some books literally helped him overnight with sharing, taking turns, recognizing emotions, etc. Nice playtime is always helpful. The days I don’t play with him, at least for 30 minutes, are the days when he starts being shyer, more antisocial, shows behavior problems, and is clingy. I strongly suggest taking care of yourself, your emotional state. They do feel everything. I didn’t follow this rule, I was crazy worried, and you could see that it affected poor baby. If you have any questions, I will happily answer them.

r1911 · 28/03/2022 00:25

@NatiMark thank you so much for writing such a detailed response! Its so nice to read how well he is doing - its clear that you have put so much time and effort in to giving him the best support.

If youre okay to answer, what age did he start talking? Did he display or have any sensory issues aside from food? Was not pointing or poor eye contact ever a concern?

With my son i feel like i am noticing more and more and im trying so hard to just enjoy the present but i feel so worried all the tine.

r1911 · 28/03/2022 00:25

Time*

FinnsMammy · 28/03/2022 11:30

@r1911 I know the feeling it consumes you but I have learnt that my child is who he is and all I can do is compare him to where he was rather than the “typically developing child”. I’m in an early intervention group at the moment where I get trained to teach my child. My child at 30 months is the youngest in the group by min 1 to 1.5 years when I hear the other parents talk about how they cannot connect with their child or their child doesn’t want to be touched or doesn’t sleep more than 3 hours a night or they cannot put their child into crèche due to meltdowns it breaks my heart and I realised very quickly in there that my problems were small. My little guy loves his cuddles and kisses and is so loving and affectionate, he sleeps great and his crèche teachers adore him ,I feel so incredibly blessed whatever happens with the speech and communication at least I know I have that . Best of luck it’s a lonely road but when our little guys achieve a milestone ( like my little guy taking his first steps at 23 months ) it means so much more.xx

r1911 · 28/03/2022 12:14

@FinnsMammy thank you so much - i really needed this today and you are so right 💗