Learning at 4 years old ...actively taught or just absorbed .... sorry longish!

[bodiddly]

Leading on from a conversation the other day on here about learning letters and numbers ... do you actively teach your children things or do they pick them up as they go along? Ds has just turned 4 and is at nursery pretty much all day every day during the week where he appears to learn absolutely nada in this regard. I am sure he is learning plenty in terms of social interaction and fine motor skills etc but nothing concrete with writing his name or recognising letters and words. Most of the children I know that go to pre-school rather than private nursery are actively taught and presumably most of them learn. I have noticed that some of the children in his class at nursery can write their own names etc .... so I guess they must be learning them at home! I would not have a problem with this if I had more time every day that I could spend going through these things with him but he basically gets up, goes to school, comes home and goes to bed! When we were on holiday in Cornwall last year we obviously spent plenty of time with him doing puzzles etc ... but when he tried a puzzle today (after a while of not doing them at home) he was totally clueless .. and I do mean totally! Am I being a worry wart that needs to back off and let him be - I know that he will learn it at school anyway (assuming other children in his situation are just picking up information rather than their parents finding ways of teaching them with limited time!) or make sure that at weekends we make a special effort? As an extra aside .. I have read to him from a young age and he does love books!

bididdly

DS has also picked up a bit of 'attitude'. On the whole it manifests when he is at home and feeling tired. I suspect that, in a group of peers or in an unfamiliar environment, he is fairly well behaved.

As someone wise once said to me - don't worry if they are good when out and naughty at home. It's when the opposite applies that there is real cause for concern.

Am sure our DS's will be fine and will absorb/learn in their own way and at their own pace until finally becoming neurosurgeons/astronauts/philosophers.

ds seems to be better at home than when out ... looks like im in for trouble in that case! He was caught spitting yesterday ... soooooo disgusting. Apparently this other lad spat at him so he spat back. I was so shocked as I didnt even know he knew how to spit. I know that sounds daft but this is the child who cant even spit toothpaste out! They copy each other far too much at this age!

I work in a pre-school and it has changed alot since my nearly 7yr old went. He was taught how to write his name, learnt his letters of the alphabet and did jolly phonics. My 4.6yr old is not taught any of this due to ofsted changing the rules and they like children to basically learn through play and its more to do with socialising and learning independence skills like pouring their own drinks and helping themseves to snack when they want it. (The whole sitting down altogether for drinks has been changed to 'open snack' available to the children throughout the sessions.) I have taught my ds letters/phonics through various books (kippers A to Z is a good one) alphabet puzzles, games and fridge magnets and taught him how to hold a pencil correctly by doing drawing, making cards and writing in them for family, he is a leftie too. Maybe spend abit of time regularly at the weekends practicing, but to be honest they will learn it all at school eventually, don't feel guilty about it. :-) P.s. Boys are different to girls in the learning stakes so don't compare.

One thing that I spent quite a bit of time with ds early on was puzzles - when we started, just the 4 part ones. He's 4 next month - he is quite happy doing 40 - 50 piece ones on his own now - although we don't seem to have quite grasped the concept of the edge pieces, so he normally does them from the centre outwards He is also good at doing models and will follow quite complex instruction sheets to create models on his own.

He amazed me at about 20mo by pointing out the letter that starts his name on the back cover of one of his books. Since then we have looked at letters a lot - but I didn't push reading. At nursery this year he has been doing phonics - he can happily spell out quite a lot of three and four letter words, and can also do this in his head (ie on the way to school you can ask him how to spell cat, or car or sun and he will do it very happily) - he also likes I spy games now.

We counted up to 40 ('that's a big number') this morning, taking alternate numbers.

And he spends lots of time with his friends playing 'super dog and lazer rabbit' and similar!!!

They are all very different - even boys!

mistlethrush .. ds doesnt understand edge and corner pieces either, however many times I explain them! I just give up - I am definitely not destined to ever be a teacher in life as I have NO patience. When we spend time doing puzzles he is really great at them but if he then doesnt do any for a month it is as if we are back to scratch and he has to learn how to do them all over again. Strange strange child!

BD - ds doesn't seem to go backwards too much - but just doesn't seem to 'see' edge pieces yet - but as he happily does puzzles from the inside outwards, I'm not really worried! Forgot to say, he likes writing his name (7 letters) and fairly good at writing quite a lot of other letters and numbers...

sounds like he is doing well mistlethrush!

He's quite a handful - sometimes he can be really attentive and want to discuss things etc - then other times he will be a Real Boy - very very very physical with huge amounts of energy. I'm very glad we have a dog as it means that he has no excuse not to come out for a walk every day at the weekends and cavort some energy away. (we were 'dancing' to a Schostakovitch tune from Radio 3 on the way to school this morning )

ds is the same mt though he is so tired after a week of full time nursery that we try and get him to chill out. He would love to run around like a loon the whole time but he just cant cope and would head for meltdown way before bed time. I wonder sometimes whether he gets enough exercise as a result!

Weekends we aim for walk with the dog then early lunch then either nap or down time quietly reading in his room (this quite often ends up as a nap) - even though he is nearly 4 he still really needs to catch up at the weekends - if he has a nap we can then do something positive in the afternoon and still not have a melt-down at supper/bath time. Exercise ALWAYS comes first!!!!

DD turned 4 on Monday. She can spell her name, recognises and sounds all letters of the alphabet and can write about half of them out. She can count up to twenty and recognises the numbers. This she has done all on her own. If she asks me a question, I answer it but I don't push her. It's not coming from school. I live in South Africa and here they don't even touch letters till their reception year. They are expected to be able to write their name in that year, but they only learn to read in Grade 1 (year they turn 7) Emphasis is on play and developing social and motor skills right now.

Many settings will not 'teach' children to write their names, letters, numbers, etc until they show an interest in doing it. This is so they learn because they want to, not just learning to copy.

I dont doubt that if I were at home with ds full time then he would know more if you see what I mean. He shows interest from time to time and picks something up but then forgets again by the next time we get round to looking at it. It will stick when he is good and ready I guess!

My DD (4.4) has been going to French pre-school for a year and a half and can do puzzles, copy out a message for a birthday card, knows how to write the names of all her family, can count up to 20 and do adding and subtractions to about 6 or 7 (in both English and French), do a 36 piece puzzle on her own... but she sure as hell didn't learn it all at school - she gets some teaching at school but we do lots of things at home too.

I am reading this with great interest as i posted a couple of weeks ago as i was concerned DS1 4.5 doesn't know many of his letters and was reluctant to learn.

I have since pushed it all to one side and am no longer worried about it as i have reliased he will get there in his own time. He attends nursery 2 days a week and is very sociable, confident. He has a good grasp of numbers and arithmatic and its generally bright and articulate. he can write his own name and recognises a few letter so that will do for me.

sounds good noonbear ... I will be happy if ds is able to do that by the time he is 4.5 ... he has just turned 4 and isnt interested yet but I have now decided just to relax about it and let him enjoy being little!

oh i feel so much better after reading this thread. My ds is 4 and due to start in september but cannot write, read or count well only a little.He is very hyper and has a very low concentrarion. I think hes just a typical boy for his age.He has no interest in it what soever all he wants to do his play,play,play.Hes not particurlaaly academic but he is very switched on in other ways and has a wild imagination. He can come up with clever ideas and tell stories etc. I do know the academic side will come once hes settled in at school. I do tend to leave the learning to his preschool as i dont want to overload him. Although i will teach his through every day things like asking to share
out his sweets or playing i spy with colours if we go on a car trip etc. I dont really want to sit him at the table and drum things into him.

Oh i ve have also read that boys and girls are different at learning so you cant compare the two. They use different part of their brains and boys are slower to develop at first.

Also at around 3/4 apparently their testostorone levels are very high making them less likely to concentrate and being playful and hyper. They aparently settle down when they start school and the next time their testosterone levels are this high again is when they start puberty .It explains it better in the book 'raising boys'.

My 4 year old has been completley wild this last year so god help me when he starts puberty!

may take a look at that book if it is in the library mum2samandalex .. is it any good?

yes its definitely an insight into how boys are and how they work. Im sure you could check the libraries in your area.I brought it off ebay for a couple of quid.It explans why boys behave like they do and the role of the mother and father and why they are different to girls.I mean i didnt even know that the reason boys play fight with their dads in pretty much every culture is because they are learning self-control.They learn from their dads that you can get worked up and excited etc but only to a certain point iywim. Thats why its important dads teach them boundaries so they can learn self control and know where the boundaries lie it was very interesting.

I think dp needs to learn the boundaries and self control when it comes to winding ds up and play fighting to be honest. I am forever having to point out that he has taken it too far!

yes mine too lol it always ends in tears and dh getting a stern telling off lol.

It does explain that parts of the male brain arent developed yet at this age though and because of this girls get a head start. So people shouldnt really label boys being slower then girls as alot of people do myself included iywim as this is a negative label. You should just treat them differently.I think it even suggested in the book that boys probably arent ready to start school at the same time as girls because of this reason and ideally they should start the following year.

interesting though I am sure someone will be along in a minute to say that their ds is advanced etc ... I guess each child is different and should be catered for.