Are your children’s vaccines up to date?

Set a reminder

Please or to access all these features

Behaviour/development

Talk to others about child development and behaviour stages here. You can find more information on our development calendar.

Learning at 4 years old ...actively taught or just absorbed .... sorry longish!

98 replies

bodiddly · 06/03/2009 20:22

Leading on from a conversation the other day on here about learning letters and numbers ... do you actively teach your children things or do they pick them up as they go along? Ds has just turned 4 and is at nursery pretty much all day every day during the week where he appears to learn absolutely nada in this regard. I am sure he is learning plenty in terms of social interaction and fine motor skills etc but nothing concrete with writing his name or recognising letters and words. Most of the children I know that go to pre-school rather than private nursery are actively taught and presumably most of them learn. I have noticed that some of the children in his class at nursery can write their own names etc .... so I guess they must be learning them at home! I would not have a problem with this if I had more time every day that I could spend going through these things with him but he basically gets up, goes to school, comes home and goes to bed! When we were on holiday in Cornwall last year we obviously spent plenty of time with him doing puzzles etc ... but when he tried a puzzle today (after a while of not doing them at home) he was totally clueless .. and I do mean totally! Am I being a worry wart that needs to back off and let him be - I know that he will learn it at school anyway (assuming other children in his situation are just picking up information rather than their parents finding ways of teaching them with limited time!) or make sure that at weekends we make a special effort? As an extra aside .. I have read to him from a young age and he does love books!

OP posts:
Are your children’s vaccines up to date?
bodiddly · 06/03/2009 21:15

do they get help at school with cutting up food etc if they need it or are they just left to get on with it?

OP posts:
CarGirl · 06/03/2009 21:17

not sure can't afford school dinners so they have packed lunch!

Teaching them to put gloves in coat pockets, putting own gloves on and actually putting own socks & shoes on ready for PE - they are important.

bodiddly · 06/03/2009 21:18

ds had been using adult cutlery for ages but not particularly successfully .. he refused to use kids stuff - I bought him a new set (in the woolies clearance sale - god I miss woolies) and it seems to have made life easier for him - though he does still try and pick the odd thing up with his fingers!

OP posts:
CarGirl · 06/03/2009 21:21

The 5.5 year old often tries to forgo cutlery altogether and tries to eat with her fingers in her mouth.....although not at other peoples houses (it's partly a comfort thing with her)

Little one can count to over 20 although fairly often misses out one of the teen numbers, not sure if she recognises any numbers (or letters perhaps just her name?)

I really don't do anything with mine!

bodiddly · 06/03/2009 21:24

he can count to 20 but refuses to believe 16 exists! he can count to 29 if you start the whole twenty-one thing going ... and sometimes up to 10 in spanish (after watching dora and diego). He recognises numbers 1-4 sometimes ... but that depends on the day of the week and his mood. He knows "o" but that seems to be the only letter that sticks .. he has known a few others but they fall by the wayside.

OP posts:
CarGirl · 06/03/2009 21:28

sounds completely normal to me then

bodiddly · 06/03/2009 21:29

aaah socks ... not sure why they are a problem for him ... he used to be able to do them - will have to work on that before September. He gives up too easily methinks! He is fine at shoes and knows his left and right so if I can get him to recognise L and R I can write them on his school shoes in case he gets them the wrong way round.

OP posts:
bodiddly · 06/03/2009 21:30

thank you ... you are helping me assuage my guilt slightly!

OP posts:
CarGirl · 06/03/2009 21:30

Just rejoice that you don't have girls

tights & swimming..........tis a trauma!

bodiddly · 06/03/2009 21:31

I can only imagine ... I used to hate that at school! There is nothing worse .... jeans are bad enough but wet legs and tights .. yeurgh!

OP posts:
bodiddly · 06/03/2009 21:32

I knew there had to be one reason I was pleased not to have a girl

OP posts:
Sibh · 06/03/2009 21:36

Bodiddly - my DD1 is 2.5 and very patiently shows her brother, (six next month) how to cut up his food. His place at the table and the wall behind it regularly looks like a CSI crime scene. At least once a week, he forgets which hands to hold his knife and fork in.

He could write his name before he went to school at 5.5 here in Ireland, and he could recognise numbers, and-randomly-all the major politicians in the Sunday papers but he point blank refused to learn letters. DS enjoyed the 'puzzle' books in the middle of comics at your DS's age, but he would try to make a battle of it if I tried to teach him at all.

When we had a parents' evening last week, his teacher said his speech and general progress is exceptional. His reading is fine but not exceptional and this is because he's annoyed he can't read fluently at the first attempt. He tries to do his homework reading the words side-on because that's often the way I read to the DC myself ... Also, he just can't be bothered with it at the moment.
He is v. sure that there really are aliens leaving signs in his school yard, and they are his main priority.

I suppose what I'm trying to say is that letting him play, and spending your time with him doing unpressured stuff sounds fantastic. And they'll all be good at different things, and resistant to things in ways we can't predict. Your DS will at some stage master cutlery and reading, but he won't ever regain that unpressured time.
The other thing is that small boys often just don't set their priorities for development in the same way as their mothers and teachers do.

I know DS's friends were 'taught' more before school, and can eat without redecorating their houses, but I take what my mum would call 'plenty no notice.'

bodiddly · 06/03/2009 21:38

thanks Sibh ...

OP posts:
CarGirl · 06/03/2009 21:38

dancing classes with shows & exams are another reason to be glad not to have had a girl ££££££££££££££££££££££££££££££££££££££

Sibh · 06/03/2009 21:39

Bodiddly - my DD1 is 2.5 and very patiently shows her brother, (six next month) how to cut up his food. His place at the table and the wall behind it regularly looks like a CSI crime scene. At least once a week, he forgets which hands to hold his knife and fork in.

He could write his name before he went to school at 5.5 here in Ireland, and he could recognise numbers, and-randomly-all the major politicians in the Sunday papers but he point blank refused to learn letters. DS enjoyed the 'puzzle' books in the middle of comics at your DS's age, but he would try to make a battle of it if I tried to teach him at all.

When we had a parents' evening last week, his teacher said his speech and general progress is exceptional. His reading is fine but not exceptional and this is because he's annoyed he can't read fluently at the first attempt. He tries to do his homework reading the words side-on because that's often the way I read to the DC myself ... Also, he just can't be bothered with it at the moment.
He is v. sure that there really are aliens leaving signs in his school yard, and they are his main priority.

I suppose what I'm trying to say is that letting him play, and spending your time with him doing unpressured stuff sounds fantastic. And they'll all be good at different things, and resistant to things in ways we can't predict. Your DS will at some stage master cutlery and reading, but he won't ever regain that unpressured time.
The other thing is that small boys often just don't set their priorities for development in the same way as their mothers and teachers do.

I know DS's friends were 'taught' more before school, and can eat without redecorating their houses, but I take what my mum would call 'plenty no notice.'

bodiddly · 06/03/2009 21:41

wow CG does dd4 do all of that? Extra curricular activites must be expensive with 4 dds ... we haven't got ds involved with anything else as yet. He still gets so tired during the week that at weekends we either chill out and run errands or visit family. I think we will give swimming another try before I get into anything else. I was shocked to hear (from one of the guys at work who teaches karate) that he has a 4 year old boy in his karate class for an hour and a half lesson twice a week!

OP posts:
Sibh · 06/03/2009 21:42

Oh, and DS is having one of his 'crashed computer' impersonation weeks at the moment, where he can barely remember his own name, forgets how to do school work and runs around the house shouting 'where's my school bag?' when it's on his back.

Boys are nuts, with or without the complication of tights.

bodiddly · 06/03/2009 21:43

Ive got all of this to look forward to then sibh!

OP posts:
bodiddly · 06/03/2009 21:43

how is dd1 CG? still loving it?

OP posts:
CarGirl · 06/03/2009 21:45

dd1 only breifly did dancing when she was little but ended up with drum lessons & expensive drum kit - however she is snare in the bugle band already (proud mum emoticon] - well I think that's what she said!

The little ones started dancing in January, dd3 has asked for about 2 years so have relented. Teacher is ace, not bothered about offical outfit or taking exams and gave me a discount with having 3 of them doing 2 classes each. She even provides costumes for her shows for a nominal charge - £15, other school makes you buy 2 costumes each - £40!!!

womblingfree · 06/03/2009 21:46

Something you could try with your DS is to make letters especially, relevant to him.

From when DD was about 2/2.5, I used to point out letters and link them to something she knew, so if we saw a van with 'DM Removals' on it, for instance, would tell her 'D for Daddy, M for Mummy'.

I may be barking up completely the wrong tree from a 'technical' point of view, but I felt it would help her to learn letters if they meant something to her, rather than just 'ABC...' and it seems to have worked.

Also it's something you can easily do in the car on the way to and from nursery.

CarGirl · 06/03/2009 21:47

Sibh - he sounds fab!!!

It's taken me 18 months to train dd3 to put her empty yoghurt pot in the bin at school rather than bring it home every day with the remains splattered around the lunch box.

bodiddly · 06/03/2009 21:48

very impressive ... a performing family! I hear of little ones going to dance classes from 2 or 3 years of age but that parents arent allowed to stay or watch .. there is no way ds wouldve wanted to stay somewhere like that on his own without some settling. He is going to find it very strange when he has to start going to after school and holiday clubs from September .. or even a childminder!

OP posts:
CarGirl · 06/03/2009 21:52

We get to watch at this one as there is a window on the dance studio - it's fabulously funny watching them (well the 3/4 year olds) I have no idea how the teacher coped with them before she'd had her own children. She says she's much more chilled about their behaviour/joining in these days!

DD1 in the hockey team too I was useless at sports and rumour of girls footie being set up which she is pleased about.

bodiddly · 06/03/2009 21:53

womblingfree we do things like that in the mornings - I also say things like "I'm going to think of a word beginning with d or r" and we take it in turns to think of words - until he decides to change it to b for bottom etc and get silly!

OP posts: