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Behaviour/development

Talk to others about child development and behaviour stages here. You can find more information on our development calendar.

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Original poster

Strange behaviour in a 3 yr old? Please advise me?

13 replies

lisalisa · 05/03/2009 22:40

I have not name changed for this so people will take it seriously and not shout troll!

I am posting about my own 3 yr old. He is a delightful little boy, intelligent, curious and full of life.

I am a little worried about his behaviour however. He has for about a year had a fascination with girl's privaate parts. For example, it started in the bath wiht 7 yr old dd ( he neveer does it with 5 yr old dd) - he used to ask her to sit on him and put her bottom on his willy. It then progressed as he got older to him wanting her to sit on his willy and him wanting to put his head in her private parts.

I never used to make much of it - just saying " no, x , let's play something else" and as he;'s got older " No x that is not how we play with Y".

Of late its come outof the bathroom so to speak and , I kid you not - sounds ridiculous to type it really - he keeps asking dd to poo on him and asks her " aRe you going to poo on me?" and is constantly trying to put his head on her private parts.

For the life of me I can't undersatnd where this is coming from or why. I have 4 other chldren - all well adjusted and none spoke like this. As far as I know he doesn't do it at nursery - at least no-one has mentioned it and he doesn't do it with any other dcs other than dd2 aged 7. Her reaction is giggling and looking sheepish and tehn when he persists she gets a bit scared and calls for help.

I want reassurance that its all normal developmetn but as noone of my others did this I'm not so sure. I suppose very very deep down I'm a bit worried taht this makrs him out as being a bit oversexed or weird and that this may transalte in much later years to sexual problems / fetishes ( the poo on me part) .

OP posts:

Are your children’s vaccines up to date?

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letswiggle · 05/03/2009 22:47

I don't think it's at all unusual for 3yos to be obsessed with willies, poos etc. I'd just carry on as you are.

Original poster

lisalisa · 05/03/2009 22:50

thanks letswiggle although I ahve a feeling its not entirely normal somehow - he's very insistent and doesn't get at all embarrassed when caught - almost as if he's irritated I've come in . He does get embarrassed about other things though so he is mature enough to feel this emotion.

OP posts:

Smee · 06/03/2009 09:55

Why would he be embarrassed though lisal? He's only three and nothing is embarrassing to a three year old. Unless you're worried it's come from some other inappropriate influence, then it's simply natural curiosity, so I'd say not to be worried about.

LucyEllensmummy · 06/03/2009 10:13

So glad i have two girls!! Bless him, he probably just noticed the difference is all. My DD says that her daddy will grow a mini over his willy when he is older - strange child.

It may appear like sexual behaviour, but it isn't, maybe there is some instintual behaviour there but i honestly wouldn't worry about it. I would tell him that its not what you do and maybe think about bathing the 7yo separately as she may like some privacy anyway as she is getting older. I certainly don't think the poo on me bit is going to end in fetish though -

mrsgboring · 06/03/2009 10:17

My DS has started saying "poo on you" as some kind of friendly greeting.

Agree with LEM it might be time to have separate bathing arrangements - for the 7yo's sake mostly.

solidgoldbrass · 06/03/2009 10:23

My DS is 4 and currently a bit obsessed with breasts and breastfeeding (having seen another mum BF her baby at toddler group). He keeps sticking his head up my jumper and/or pulling up his vest and offering me a drink. I think DC all go through stages of fascination with body parts and bodily functions - and if they find that any behaviour provokes an interesting reaction in adults, they do it again.
Basically I don't think there is anything wrong with your DS though agree with the people who suggest allowing your DD privacy at bathtime now she's 7.

mistlethrush · 06/03/2009 10:28

Yes - I've had to say that my breasts are out of bounds to my nearly 4yo ds - just a bit too much fascination - I'm just not that comfortable with him stroking them and playing with them any more!!!! I've had to say that only daddy is allowed to touch them when I've got no clothes on - and then only in private!!!!

Can you try the 'that's not a good idea' or 'I don't think that's very nice' etc - and lots of distraction!!!!

piratecat · 06/03/2009 10:33

if he's getting a giggling reaction, that's prob what he's all about? he likes the reaction. he has no idea of any sexual connotations imo. It is uncomfortable for you tho, can understand that.

My dd is 6 and we were playing a kissing game today then she asked me to kiss her on her privates!!!

sheesh. I just said no, they belong to you and lets carry on with the kissing on the head game!

letswiggle · 07/03/2009 09:53

I only have boys, and they are massively interested in my lack of willy and want to examine (i don't let them!!!!). They also spend the whole time playing with their own and each others' willies (ie in the bath), but I don't think that indicates they're gay!

Original poster

lisalisa · 09/03/2009 22:54

Thanks everyone. Have told dd 7 yrs that she can have a bath to herself in future - used to do it together as was just so much easier - bath, stories , songs and bed - but now she's hugely reliveed that she can have a bath in peace.

Dd aged 5 told ds this evning:

" STOP trying to touch my noony or it will come out and bite you on your fingers!"

That's the spirit.....!

So glad you all think he's not going to turn into some sort of sex craved monster when he's older!!!

OP posts:

breaghsmum · 09/03/2009 23:06

your dd aged 5 has the right idea!! my ds 3.5 has a thing about me having no willy and says when he is bigger he will have no willy aswell. i just tell him that boys keep their willies and girls never have them. im sure this is a phase with your ds, he is far too young to associate his body parts with any sexual feelings. it sounds like a mixture of curiosity and enjoying the response he is getting from older dd. i wouldnt worry about it.

wabbit · 09/03/2009 23:07

This sounds fairly normal to me too - I have vague memories of pretty experimental games with my twin brothers I was facinated by their willies!!! - we were fairly free range children the youngest three of five, left to get up to what mischief we could on the third floor of a big house... We're all well adjusted sexually (to my knowledge!)as adults so no harm done

AnybodyHomeMcFly · 09/03/2009 23:23

Oh lisalisa your dd with her biting noony has literally just made me wet myself (36 weeks preg w dc2)!

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