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Behaviour/development

Talk to others about child development and behaviour stages here. You can find more information on our development calendar.

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Original poster

Distract or let him learn no means no?

17 replies

TracyK · 15/04/2005 10:35

ds is 13 mo and is now starting to kick up a fuss if I take something from him/stop him doing something.
Should I just ignore the mini tantrums or quickly distract him with something he is allowed to have/do?
I sometimes think he needs to know that he will be told no on occasion - but can't stand him to cry.
any tips?

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debs26 · 15/04/2005 10:38

i have always ignored tantrums and the only time they have lasted longer than about 10 seconds is when kids have been to stay at grandparents and they have been fussed over for making a show of themselves. they have quickly relearnt that tantrums dont work. if you cant stand seeing him cry take yourself off to a different room. ignore from the beginning, it will only be harder to break the habit several months down the line. hth

tarantula · 15/04/2005 10:39

I do a bit of both. Say no take away let dd stropp for a minute and then distract with something else. also find that distraction is brilliant for before the event so rather than saying 'dont go near the tele' I say 'oh look whats taht' and point to something else

robin3 · 15/04/2005 11:04

I think it's important for them to learn 'NO' and it's worked with DS so far. We restrict it's use so we aren't saying it all the time but we agreed that the plants were out of bounds and the fireplace and certain cupboards...all we say is NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO in a low continued way and if he does it again he gets another No and if he does it again he is removed from that area which usually results in a tantrum. In most cases this has worked as the communication is clear and not sharp or agressive and he gets a big GOOD BOY if he stops when we said no. In some environments where almost everything is out of bounds (Grandmas sitting room for example) we've used distraction and he has a box of balls and cardboard tubes and that seems to work.
Not sure this helps but good luck.

jangly · 15/04/2005 11:06

Distracting him while saying no is best if you can do it.

aloha · 15/04/2005 11:08

Distract! IMO he is too young to understand no, and as Blu once posted, human development absolutely depends on children persuing things that heir parents don't particularly want to do - it really is a vital part of development. They have to keep trying things in order to learn. I think butting heads over this just leads to misery all round. At 13months your son is very much a baby, and distracting him can actually be fun.

hunkermunker · 15/04/2005 11:09

DS is 12mo and I do a mixture of no means no and distraction. He cannot, for instance, bang peek-a-blocks on the television screen, however much he wants to

aloha · 15/04/2005 11:09

Of course you can move your child - I think it's happier if you can distract him at the same time, that's all.

hunkermunker · 15/04/2005 11:10

I don't ever just say 'no' and move him to sit somewhere without distractions! I can always think of a distraction

Original poster

TracyK · 15/04/2005 11:14

For example - he likes to play splash in the bathroom sink as I wash his face and brush his teeth - but I can't sit there forever! When I tell him all finished - he starts to cry. Sometimes I give him his toys to play with instead - but I wondered if I should just ignore him so that he gets to learn 'no.

OP posts:

aloha · 15/04/2005 11:15

Why have crying and sadness if you can so easily avoid it?

robin3 · 15/04/2005 11:16

Totally agree that the tone is everything...you don't want to be shouting at a small child who's just curious but we found DS understood 'no' very early on when it was said quietly and consistently and half the time he would stop because he knew he was going to get praise...curiosity is one thing and sometimes I watch him do something silly in the knowledge that he will learn on his own BUT doing dangerous things or causing expensive damage needs to be controlled at all ages.

Gobbledigook · 15/04/2005 11:16

I think I would say 'no' or take away whatever it is, if tantrum ensues I'd ignore it for a while, if it continued for more than a couple of minutes I'd try distraction techniques.

With my 2 yr old sometimes he gets so worked up distraction won't work (stubborn thing that he is!) then I just ignore the tantrum till it blows over!

Original poster

TracyK · 15/04/2005 11:18

not really at tantrum stage (yet) - more a whingy cry!

OP posts:

expatinscotland · 15/04/2005 11:19

We use tarantula's approach on DD (now 21 months old). If she takes a strop at the table, we give her a look like she's crazy and then carry on eating, talking. She'll eventually start eating and talking again, whereupon we'll welcome her back to the 'conversation' with a smile and a 'Well, glad to see you've decided to join us.'

Gobbledigook · 15/04/2005 11:20

expat - that made me smile! I had an image of it in my head! We do that - look at them like 'are you mad?'!! Ha ha!

elsmommy · 15/04/2005 11:21

I wish I'd said no when my dd was his age. I think if you leave it you may have a ds that doesn't listen to you when he gets to 18mths-just like my dd

expatinscotland · 15/04/2005 11:21

She gives us this shocked look back, almost a look of embarrassment. It's hard not to laugh at that point, but we think she's starting to realise what a faux pas is.

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