2 yr old very clingy

[Mandymoo]

My dd (2 and a bit) has become very very clingy and i really dont know what to do. I went back to work when she was 3 mths so she's always been used to being left. She attends nursery one day a week (she cries every time i drop her off which is becoming a strain even tho shes been going for a year now!) I dont want to be too hard on her but my once independent child now seems so clingy and i need to know how to handle it.

How does she seems when you pick her up from the Nursery? is she still unhappy and weepy?
Personally if she is still unhappy when you collect her i would be worried, especially as you say she was once independent.
Is she happy to be left anywhere else?
Is it because she does'nt want to leave you, or because she does'nt want to be at nursery?

Thanks for your reply - she is ALWAYS happily playing and contented when I pick her up from nursery which is the only reason she is still there. She gets left with my mum or the mum in law quite regularly with no tears at all. I really am at a loss as to why she cries each time she gets left at nursery. Its not been every week since she started but for six weeks in the summer last year and for the last seven weeks she has cried each time. I dread it. Went to a group this week and she literally clung onto my hand the whole time. She wanted to play but had to drag me by the hand so that i was with her whereever she went. ANy ideas????

Hi Mandymoo, I know how exasperating (sp?) it feels. I've got a 2 yr old exactly the same but he's always been like it. What about speaking to the Nursery? Perhaps you could find out how long it takes for her to settle down. I would've thought that if she recovers quite quickly and is able to play, it might suggest its more of a separation anxiety (which I believe they can go through a phase of around this time in their development). If they say she's tearful at times throughout the day then maybe you could ask them to observe her for a while to see whether any one thing is triggering it. Check to see if there are any 'bite-ers' in the group. I know my son was at the receiving end of a 'biter' and where he'd been going in perfectly alright, he became reluctant (not suprisingly) after this. Although I'm sure you'd now about it by now - infact i've not been of any help at all!!! sorry!

Thanks Bubba78 - I have asked the nursery and they said she stops crying almost as soon soon as i leave and sometimes even before!! Which is great but i'd rather not have to hear it in the first place but thats my problem i guess. They say she mixes well and plays well and there are no problems but my cynical side tells me that they're gonna say that cos they dont want me to take her out and lose out on the money!!! I know thats being really cynical!!!! Its not just the nursery thing tho. While other 2 yr olds are whizzing about and getting stuck in, my dd wants to be walked about by the hand. Its not that i dont want to be with her but i just want her to gain some confidence and realise that mummy is there but that she can still go and play. I know it sounds selfish. I dont want to push her into being independent. Just want to do whats best for her. SO what is best for her???!!!

Its a good sign that she recovers quickly once you've dropped her off at nursery. My son has screamed blue-murder being left a nursery since last September and trust me it does get easier to cope with. Although it must feel very strange to you as she has been perfectly ok in the past. It does sound like a touch of the old seperation anxiety. I took our son to a toddler group this pm and I sat among the toys and played with him for a while and then slowly and hesitantly he started to venture a bit further away (kept coming back of course), but you could see he was starting to feel more confident and trusting that I wasn't going to leg-it (would very often love to!). It might be a case of gently, gently plus large glass of wine!!! xxx

Thanks Bubba - just so happens i have a large glass of wine infront of me right now!!! DD is the same - once she's settled in at a play group or whatever she slowly starts to gain more confidence. I'm just impatient i guess and want her to get stuck in straight away. Shes always been one for sitting on the sidelines and watching the other kids rather than being in the thick of it herself. I feel so guilty for even complaining cos she's such a good girl. Just cant cope with the clingy thing too well - esp since she's been ok in the past. I dont particularly enjoy going to these groups (my worst nightmare in fact) but have kept going to get dd used to being with other children as she has no siblings yet. Will just carry on and see it through i guess. Thanks for your advice tho XX

oh god, wasn't going to have a Gin tonight, but can't bear the thought of others drinking whilst typing and not doing the same (have no willpower), so will just nip to freezer and prepare ice-cubes, Gordons n tonic - I know it doesn't mix with the AD's but quite frankly don't care.... p.s. no what you mean about toddler groups - think I might get a T'shirt printed with 'please don't ask me 'how old is yours', because I can't be bothered to talk to anyone today'. Bring on the gin...x

lol Bubba!!! Anti Ds eh?? Thats a whole other topic isnt it but i'm right here with you mate. Not on them myself but have had pni for 2 yrs. Fancy talking about that sometime??!!

Our dd (now 21 months) also started being clingy recently - sometimes if she's a bit ill or wants to stay at home and play with her toys instead of going to nursery. We just try and not make any fuss about it by making sure she sees us comfortably talking to nursery staff like nothing's up. We then just say something like: "oh, what's Kirsty doing?" or "Would you like to play with the kitchen and show Phoebe how you make pizza?" etc. etc. until she gets a little involved and then just kiss her goodbye and tell her "have a nice day sweetheart and mummy and daddy will come and get you very soon" or something along those lines. By then she usually doesn't care anymore. We try not to leave her as soon as we get there, but allow 5-10 minutes to make her comfy. Sometimes though as soon as we get to nursery she's like "byeeeeee" to us and goes off to her friends Mystery. But when we pick her up she's always as happy as punch! And they say that if she ever cries when we leave, she settles as soon as they take her to a fish tank to feed Nemo or something like that. I wouldn't worry too much - kids never like to be left by their mummy and daddy - especially at this age when they understand it better. But they also soon forget and enjoy their play.

anytime mandymoo...could go on about that all evening...with gin of course!!