Did a BAD thing this morning-I sent dd to school in her pj's

[Pawslikepaddington]

And she was screaming so much when I left her there another mum came out and asked if she had had an accident . They have implimented a leave your child at the door policy, as the school is very small, and so the nursery nurse teacher asked me to leave and said she would get her dressed, so I did. I feel so mean-she is a horror most mornings re getting dressed, doing teeth, and doing hair, and I decided that I had to get tough or she would never stop it, so I did. Please tell me I did the right thing-she had so many chances this morning and blew them all, was saying "I will only get dressed if you take me here" etc, and I am NOT bargaining over getting dressed in the morning!

I did this to my dd when she was in nursery-worked a treat.
She never refused again.
I sympathise ,it was a bloody nightmare in the mornings ith her.How old is your dd?

Good for you!
Not easy playing the tough no bargaining role and you did it

paws, if that works for you, then theres nothing to be ed about! teachers have seen it all million times before. sounds like a good nursery!

How old is she? It's an odd thing to do if you ask me. How can you not manage to get a child dressed for school?

And I doubt that 'she will never stop it'. When she is 15 you won't be taking her to school without being dressed.

She is 5 in March-sadly past nursery age now! The fact that 11 year olds saw her going into the school gates with her pj's on, and her whole class knew about it may stop her doing it again, but I feel so bad shaming her into making her "do it my way" in the mornings. Thank you for the positives, and still heart-wrenching!

Good for you! It sounds as though she had definitely reached the point where she needed to realise that Mummy is boss.

Not at all odd in my mind, I bet she'll get dressed for you in the morning.

Don't beat yourself up.

Well done you. Hopefully it will make her think twice next time she kicks up a fuss about getting dressed.

Geepers, the way I read it, Paws' dd is old enough to dress herself and kept refusing to do it. That is unacceptable behaviour imo. And no way should Paws saddle herself with the job of dressing her dd when she is perfectly capable of dressing herself.

Hey you'll laugh about it in years to come.
My dd is 17 now and it never damaged her.

Lots of cuddles for you both this afternoon after school.

Geepers, she bites me, kicks me, thumps me, runs off, screams hysterically-I can get her dressed, but it means we don't get to school until 9.30 if she is having a screaming day, and we cycle in, so if she is screaming hysterically she can end up trying to run off the bike (she is on a tow bike) and into traffic, so I can't let it get to that stage. I also don't want my mornings to start like that every day, so used the nuclear option before it got into a habit like it did last term.

I think it was probably the right thing to do. Did the teacher seem okay with it? I'd fear being judged as incapable even though you are trying to solve a problem.

Does she have other issues? She sounds more extreme than any 5 year old I have come across.

no biggie.dont beat yourselfunderstandably you feel bad but well she will need to learn wee bit listening to mummy is a good idea

It sounds a bit harsh (humiliation? A bit much for a 5 yo) but she does sound a mare and I sympathise with you having had a big row with my 6yo dd this am because she won't get on with things in the morning (and she is an angel by the sound of things compared to yours!)

But surely if she has been warned CD then Paws had to carry the threat through. At five she is old enough to know what that would entail.

oh yes I know
I am shite at that

It was the being seen by y6s in pjs that made me wince rather. I don't think I could do that to dd (but i am a wimp)

Dd is really good 99.9% of the time, but packs every bit of frustration and upset into 7.30am until school drop off. She is just one of those children that is totally uncontrollable when upset, and then angelic the rest of the time-it is just her personality (which is very close to mine, so I can understand it, just can't handle it!)

Why does she hate getting dressed so much? Is she like this with other things?

My DS is 7 and I helped him get dressed this morning - I had time, it means I can have a sneaky cuddle and most of the time he does it himself. He asked and I helped. But if I had said no he would have done it himself. As Geepers said your DD's reaction seems extreme.

Nearly pmsl! Mornings can be a fractious nightmare. I used to be very good at dressing my lo when babies, now I'm so busy, DD3 (6mo) spends her life in pj and I've come to realise it's actually okay. As for the nursery thing - well if they can support you by dressing her as a one off, it's prob a good thing and I reckon she will start to get the message. Absolutely - no compromise or bargaining WELL DONE!!
Geepers - it is an odd thing, but some parts of parenting require creativity and the guts to be odd in order to establish your boundaries (imo). I teach in a high school and have to say plenty of parents have clearly spent their early parenting years compromising over dress as they let them wear pretty much anything (including 12 yo in pink satin thongs!).
PLP - I know you probably have but have you tried stickers that lead to a fave activity that is kept on hold until it works? this site have great stickers. My other is to remove a toy and put it on top of my wardrobe - good behaviour gets it back! HTH x

I don't believe in humiliation as a parent either.

I'd be questioning what is making her so angry and reactive. The OPs DD must be feeling pretty shitty and out of control to be delivered to school in bed clothes.

I do have every sympathy with the OP, just not sure how I would handle it to be honest.

I talk the talk well CD, but DD is only 2.8, so come back and ask me in a couple of years.

That being said I think my ILs think I am strict with her now.

Geepers, my DS1 is almost 5 and can dress himself, but some mornings just decides he doesn't want to and ends up having a massive meltdown.
OP, well done, I think that should stop her morning shenanigans! As others say, just have a cuddle and a chat about it this afternoon and reiteate why it's so improtant for her to get ready for school.

My sister used to forget her lunch-box on purpose in high-school (in Aus so no such thing as school dinners) so that she could go to the school canteen and use the supposedly "emergency" facility whereby the cost of what you buy was charged to your parents with your school fees.
So one morning my Dad followed her to the train station in his pyjamas where she was flirting with the boys and began calling her name from the far end of the platform.
"Sophie, Sophie, you forgot your lunch-box my sweety-pops!"
She never forgot it again!

It is a school with no uniform, so they won't have known they were pj's at a fleeting glance (it was a purple t-shirt and purple trousers), and the year 2's and up go through a different enttrance, so it isn't as bad as it sounds countess, don't worry. I am a strong believer in carrying through with threats, otherwise she would be impossible to handle!