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Behaviour/development

Talk to others about child development and behaviour stages here. You can find more information on our development calendar.

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Original poster

Did a BAD thing this morning-I sent dd to school in her pj's

79 replies

Pawslikepaddington · 20/01/2009 09:12

And she was screaming so much when I left her there another mum came out and asked if she had had an accident . They have implimented a leave your child at the door policy, as the school is very small, and so the nursery nurse teacher asked me to leave and said she would get her dressed, so I did. I feel so mean-she is a horror most mornings re getting dressed, doing teeth, and doing hair, and I decided that I had to get tough or she would never stop it, so I did. Please tell me I did the right thing-she had so many chances this morning and blew them all, was saying "I will only get dressed if you take me here" etc, and I am NOT bargaining over getting dressed in the morning!

OP posts:

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catweazle · 20/01/2009 18:39

paws I did this with a much older DD many years ago

In our case we found out much much later on that she was very unhappy at school. We had huge behavioural problems with her until she went to secondary school.

It might be worth doing a bit of "digging" to see if there is something going on about she is unhappy about. I thought our DD was just being difficult, and yes she was to a certain extent. Because she had a nice little group of friends whereas I'd been a friendless child I thought she was fine, but she wasn't

KTNoo · 20/01/2009 18:50

Don't worry Paws, my friend just phoned and said she'd dumped her dd in the bath with all her clothes on as she had refused to take them off at bathtime!

haagendazs · 20/01/2009 21:28

Lol at that Paws! I can so understand where you're coming from as I have the same daily argument with ds who is a similar age.... will think about that next time I'm at my wits end
Actually I may even tell ds about it.......

cah1 · 20/01/2009 21:35

If she was in my class, I would have fully supported you! Good for you! I may have had a giggle in the staff room though, AIBU to do that??

BlueBumedFly · 20/01/2009 21:55

Paws - good for you, there is a line after all and 5 is old enough to be fully aware when it has been well and truly crossed.

I took DD2 to school at 5 in a full on monty Tiger outfit. It had fluffy feet, gloves and a hood. It was a pure battle of wills, however, it never happened again oddly enough!

Original poster

Pawslikepaddington · 21/01/2009 00:13

Thank you all for saying I was right in doing this! She came out of school as happy as anything, beautifully dressed and actually offered to get ready for school before she went to bed! . I would have fully expected you to giggle in the staff room, in fact I would have fully expected you to extoll my inadequacies as a parent-it was all round the school teachers by pick up-I think I may have been the only parent to have done it . Thank you again all of you-the purple glittery "record book" and well done/excellent/good job 3 in 1 stamper are all ready for the morning!

OP posts:

roisin · 21/01/2009 04:45

Hope you have a good morning tomorrow PLP.
When dss were getting a bit slow in getting ready in the mornings we did a chart with timings where I wrote down how many minutes it took them to get dressed and downstairs.

Before we had the chart it was taking 30-40 mins, once we started the chart it was taking 30-40 seconds

And they've been great ever since, and this was about 6 years ago!

brimfull · 21/01/2009 09:00

can't wait to hear how this morning went paws

bigTillyMint · 21/01/2009 09:18

Excellent!

I completely agree that you did the right thing - well done

moondog · 21/01/2009 09:22

I'd do it.Like a shot.
If she is interested in time and numbers, I'd recommend a Time timer which I use a lot with my own kids and in my work as a salt.

My dd uses it one me to give me an allotted MN time!

Emmis · 21/01/2009 09:27

I never write in to these things but I couldn't help myself. Sorry but I completely disagree with all the posters who are using terms such as humiliation. I think you did the right thing, and humiliation is such a strong and very wrong term for it. You're just seeing through a punishment. You didn't smack her in front of her class or shout at her. You decided that you were in control and not her. Good for you. It's not cruel at all. It is far more cruel in the long run to over-sensitise issues. All parents suffer from guilt and worry, and by constantly being over sensitive we make our children nervous and over sensitive. I also don't think there is anything wrong with your daughter at all. My daughter is the same age and has, like all of us and all our children, good days and bad days. Mine still cries when we have to cut her toe nails! Don't look into it too much and ignore those who want to make a bigger issue out of it.

moondog · 21/01/2009 09:30

Well said Emmis.

DrWilfSellAndNotJustAnHonorary · 21/01/2009 09:46

I think you did the right thing. However hard.

It is not humiliating her on purpose, it is giving her a firm line and letting her know the consequences are up to her. Treating her like a baby when she's capable of getting dressed might be humiliating.

And don't listen to people who say 'oh she must be traumatised by something to be so mad': some kids are just stroppy. Doubtless the people who's kids get dressed perfectly are very lucky. It isn't all you.

Anyhow, I fully recognise this. DS1 is only now - at 9 - stopping battling in the mornings so I sympathise. I have threatened pjs but it has never got that far.

We have had much more success lately by giving more responsibility to him: making a list, giving him a clock, letting him get on with (but being very clear that whatever state he's in when we leave the house, it's up to him). I think the constant 'telling' opportunities were winding him up.

It is also possible - given your DD is 5 - in her head she believes if she doesn't get dressed she won't have to go to school, which is presumably a new experience for her? Can you work with the teachers on easing the transition somehow?

Good luck - sounds like a challenge!

Casserole · 21/01/2009 09:53

Well done you for yesterday Paws. How was it this morning?

LilRedWG · 21/01/2009 10:04

I'm glad she was so cheery last night - how was this morning?

HSMM · 21/01/2009 10:22

Good for you. I have taken my DD to school in her PJs before, but (as we drive) she was able to get dressed before too many of her friends saw her. Mornings are still our tension time (age 9), but at least she's always dressed when we leave the house now.

JumpingDizzy · 21/01/2009 10:24

I'm a total believer in carrying out threats, well done you. And she wasnt' emotionally scarred!

DustyTv · 21/01/2009 10:29

My mum did this to my brother some 23 years ago now, he was as you describe your DD in the mornings. He never ever did it again and started to dress himself soon after lol.

You did the right thing.

Tigerschick · 21/01/2009 10:29

Good for you on carrying through your threat ...

Dare I ask how it went this morning??

SheSellsSeashellsByTheSeashore · 21/01/2009 10:31

Was she better this morning? A similar tatic worked fist time on my monster dd1. I had literally fought her to get her clothes on when she started removing them I though 'bugger this I have had enough' and calmly said "DD1 once dd2 and I have our coats on we are leaving the house in whatever state of dress you happen to be in at the time, so I strongly suggest that you put your clothes back on" Of course she didn't listen and got the shock of her life when she was picked up and dumped outside in the cold with just her school blouse and knickers on. Her clothes and shoes followed shortly after and she was dressed before I got the buggy out of the door.

It hasn't happened since though we had a close shave this morning. You have never seen a child move so fast after I said "We will be leaving the house in one minute, regardless of what you have/don't have on"

thatsnotmymonster · 21/01/2009 10:33

When my cousin was the same age his teachers told his mum to let hime come in pj's if he couldn't get dressed on time!

I don't think it's so bad. I give my almost 4yo ds his clothes as soon as I get up and it takes him from then until we leave to get ready with me hurrying him up every 2 mins.

And to those who say why not help him? I would but for the fact I have myself, a 2yo and 8mo to get ready aswell and the nursery are very into independent dressing and all children have to do their own shoes, gymshoes and coats etc. If I do it for him at home, he won't be able to do it at nursery!

BigGitDad · 21/01/2009 10:34

I dressed my daughter in her pyjama top this morning thinking it was her vest, it was only later when I saw her vest and thought I had not put it on I realised my mistake. She has PE today so that could have been embarassing!
I must pay attention in future!

JHKE · 21/01/2009 10:50

I'm glad I've seen this thread, I often threaten my ds (4.9yrs)with taking him to school in his PJs if he is not dressed.. luckily I've not had to..

I'd love to understand why they kick up a stink in the first place..

BigGitDad · 21/01/2009 15:28

And I put two shoes on my 3yr old son that were of a different make, right feet though...My wife picked him up from Nursery and told me what I had that evening

leamac · 21/01/2009 21:22

I fully understand. My daughter refused every morning to let me brush her hair, she has wavy hair and I would have to take her to school looking like a burst mattress, every day she would go into school with mad hair and come back out with lovely pony tails in, god her bless her teacher.

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