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Behaviour/development

Talk to others about child development and behaviour stages here. You can find more information on our development calendar.

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Original poster

6 yo spectacularly slow to do things, any ideas (sorry, long)

34 replies

Takver · 12/01/2009 08:44

My 6yo dd takes forever to do really simple things (that she can do really easily), anything from getting dressed in the morning, eating breakfast through to putting her coat on to go out the door. I know its a problem at school also in that she pretty much never finishes her work, again even when it is things that she can do easily. So for example she will start doing something (eg putting her trousers on) then just sit there staring into space thinking for maybe 20 minutes or so. Its frustrating for all of us, and leads to lots of arguments when she misses out on doing things that she wants to do because she has taken so long to get dressed, eat breakfast or whatever it is. Anyone elses dcs like this? Any ideas to improve things??? Help!

OP posts:

juuule · 12/01/2009 08:48

Gently remind her if she's likely to miss out on doing something?

Make sure that she has lots of time to do whatever it is that needs doing?

brimfull · 12/01/2009 08:49

The 'staring into space ' would worry me I think.Does she seem ok or out of it?

Original poster

Takver · 12/01/2009 08:53

We do lots of reminders - not always so gentle - in fact the opposite in that I really struggle not to remind her to do things and try to get her to take responsibility. The other day was a really good example - we got in from school, she wanted to go out & play on the ice - she knew it was a really special opportunity which wasn't going to last more than a couple of days. It took her over half an hour to eat 2 oatcakes and put on a pair of trousers (she'd asked for a snack) - despite reminders - as a result of which she only got about 15 minutes of playing out before it got dark.

OP posts:

NAB3lovelychildren · 12/01/2009 08:53

That what I was wondering too, ggirl.

mrsmaidamess · 12/01/2009 08:54

Have you tried an egg timer or something similar?.

Original poster

Takver · 12/01/2009 08:54

Well, I think she is just thinking about things . . . Often useful things (like her 5 times table for example, or the plot of the book she is reading), but still . . .

OP posts:

Original poster

Takver · 12/01/2009 08:55

We have tried timers, she also has a watch, and to be fair that can help if we remember to remind her to put it on, and point out the time.

OP posts:

juuule · 12/01/2009 08:56

Does she get upset about it?
Was she upset that she only had 15mins?

Original poster

Takver · 12/01/2009 08:58

Yes, definitely - lots of arguments because she still wants to do something but she's missed the opportunity. Is it fair to say that most 6 year olds aren't like this . . .?

OP posts:

juuule · 12/01/2009 09:01

Does sound similar to my 8yo.

Original poster

Takver · 12/01/2009 09:04

Have they got any better as they get older? Was kind of hoping to be flooded with answers saying, yes my 6yo was like this but they grew out of it . . .
Sometimes I feel like we spend our lives saying 'dd, come on which isn't good for any of us, particularly dd

OP posts:

juuule · 12/01/2009 09:08

I've found that it does improve with time but you it can really test your patience at times. And some children just seem to be really 'relaxed' about everything and need to be reminded a lot about being late for things, forgetting stuff.

bloss · 12/01/2009 09:12

Message withdrawn

cory · 12/01/2009 09:12

Ds is like this. He is slowly improving at 8, but still infuriating.

bloss · 12/01/2009 09:13

Message withdrawn

iheartdusty · 12/01/2009 09:14

well, my DD (7) has never been like this but DS (5) is like this all the time and it drives us all mad.

he would easily take 1.5 hours to eat lunch, if allowed to. he starts doing something..daydreams..wanders off, or just forgets instantly what he has been told. Today, I told him to put his coat on, he set off towards the coat rack, quite obviously forgot what he was doing, and walked straight past it.

I hope that maturity will help him to keep the important stuff at the front of his mind. meanwhile I haven't got any good tips, except to be prepared to do it myself for him, ie kneel down in front of him with clothes and shoes when it is time to get dressed. It shouldn't have to be like that, but for the moment, it just is like that.

Original poster

Takver · 12/01/2009 09:16

That sounds so familiar bloss - I can just see dd sitting there with one shoe on having suddenly had some great idea for something to make out of lego . . .
We do have the same thing of doing things in order on school days - we're trying a new routine on school mornings this term where if dd can get dressed and up while I make tea, she has some juice & we spend 5 minutes all sitting together having a drink, which so far seems to help a bit

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Original poster

Takver · 12/01/2009 09:17

iheartdusty, that also is just so much my dd. I didn't mind at 5, somehow, but at nearly 7 it starts to feel like she ought to have a bit more independence.

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mrsgboring · 12/01/2009 09:18

I hate to say it but my DH is still like this to a great extent at age 33. (He has learnt to eat faster though!) However, he has a physics PhD, a very good job he does well in and a normal and balanced set of hobbies and home life, so it won't hold her back unduly.

Totally infuriating though, I fully appreciate.

Original poster

Takver · 12/01/2009 09:30

Do yo have to use timers to get him out the door in the morning

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MrsGokWan · 12/01/2009 09:33

Takver you have just described my 6 year old completly.

We have just implemented a timer. I say he has 10 minutes to get dressed and set the timer. He wants to beat the timer so he gets dressed as quick as possible and gets to the timer to turn it off before it beeps. If he does then we give him lots of praise and hugs and cuddles. If he doesn't then it's 'never mind, better luck next time, right lets see if you can eat your breakfast in 15 minutes' It seems to be working for the moment and I always set the timer for a few more minutes than I have said

yellowvan · 12/01/2009 09:49

My 7 yo also like this. i find i have to get up really early, have a set routine and mainly chivvy chivvy chivvy, which means almost cheerleading him "into your trousers, yay!" or turn things into a "race".
i can't just leave the room and expect him to come down 5 mins later fully dressed. He might appear with a lego model or to tell me what happened in his reading book though.

And his favourite moan is "there aren't enough hours in the day"

Not when you spend 3 of them faffing there aren't, mate.

kitbit · 12/01/2009 10:09

Can you encourage her to take more responsibility and be more aware by taking over when she's not getting a move on? I mean, if she can't be left to get dressed, can you do it for her? Would that annoy her into getting herself together and focus her a bit?

disclaimer: I have a 4yo ds who dreams sometimes but I have no real experience of this so might be talking out of my backside! With ds, if I threaten to come and put his shoes on myself, he gets on with it. But might not work with an order child I suppose

Original poster

Takver · 12/01/2009 10:28

Sadly kitbit dd would happily let me put her shoes on every day if I would do it.
Just a thought - gokwan & yellowvan - are your dcs also the same at school? I know dd is exactly the same as at home, goes off into a dream & gets very little done in the way of work.

OP posts:

yellowvan · 12/01/2009 10:46

Takver: yes, his teacher describes him as a "thinker" lol.

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