have left DS in his room because he pooed in time out - please calm me down and tell me how to deal with him?

[bohemianbint]

over the last couple of days since DS dropped his nap, he gets overtired and aggressive and silly and I have put him in his room for 10 minutes, not even so much as a punishment but to give him breathing space and time to calm down.

Yesterday and today, I've put him in there and he's pooed his pants. It makes me soooooooooooooo angry because I've got so much to do with a baby as well and I don't need to be doing this! It's not a coincidence, he potty trained a month ago but will only poo when you put him in a nappy - or in his room, it seems.

I just went up to get him out of his time out (because he was being aggressive) and I had to turn around and come back downstairs and post here to stop me from losing my temper, which isn't the right way to handle it, but I'm so F$%ing fed up with it! What gets me is that he can control where he poos - he demonstrates this by only doing it in his bedroom. He is* manipulating the situation in the same way as when he says "need a wee" when he gets bored or wants to go somewhere else.

And if I can't put him in his room to calm down, what can I do? I've really got my hands full and this is making me mental...

Lots of sympathy from me, Bohemian. I have two sons with a two-year gap and I found the stage you describe COMPLETELY overwhelming, especially inappropriate pooing, which used to make me completely insane with irritation and frustration (still does actually).

Flight's experience echoes mine very closely and I wanted to repeat what she said: you might well find, when your second child is the age that DS1 is now and is doing similar things, that you have a lot more tolerance and understanding. This will be partly because you'll be getting more sleep, but also because you'll have been through it all before, and you'll know that it's all just a phase.

I feel awful, looking back at the way I treated DS1 sometimes - with a real lack of sympathy and compassion (not saying that this describes your behaviour, BTW!). And the upshot has been that I have a much more difficult relationship with him than I do with DS2.

bohemian, have you tried swaddling the baby? I've never attempted sleeping with either of my two for more than the first week or two, because there is no way I could have slept with them nearby. But ds responded very well to swaddling, and it stopped his jerky arms from waking him up in the night. dd (our younger) had to be carried and rocked for hours to get to sleep, as it was awful. I got so angry and upset about it, that dh had to do that bit. He would sticky her on his jiggly knee and play computer games until she keeled over.

I have a 16mth gap, and it was totally exhausting, although as ds was that bit younger he did nap. When I went back to work when dd was three months, it was so much easier!

How is your ds with music? We must have watched A Very Hungry Caterpillar at least once a day. Lovely and soothing for everyone. Does he manage with listening to a story? I did then when breastfeeding dd, again so that that time was a all together time.

Making sure your energetic son gets lots of fresh air and running about is an excellent idea, it is also likely to make you feel better, and may help the baby too. I found completely ds proofing the flat helped too. That way if I was feeding the baby I knew he couldn't hurt himself or anything else. I didn't envy my friends with houses at that point, as it is reassuring to always be able to hear what your child is up to.

Finally don't worry about neglecting your new baby, it is always very different with a second child, and they don't get the same attention, but then they also get a big brother or sister to watch, which generally they love. Letting them cry in a way that you wouldn't have done for your first baby isn't going to do any terrible damage, unless it is for a really long time,or without any reassurance. We all do it!