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Behaviour/development

Talk to others about child development and behaviour stages here. You can find more information on our development calendar.

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Original poster

Did I do the right thing and what do I do if it happens again today?

68 replies

bignose · 18/12/2008 14:12

My ds is in reception year.When I collected him from school on Tuesday and the teacher told me he had been put on time out.I had a word with him and he explained etc etc.I didnt make a big deal out of it.
I then collected him again yesterday and discvered again that he had been on time out.
The teacher explained that he was bein dilly and not listening.
My ds has never been on time out before and always behaved pretty good most of the time (though he'e not perfect).
I got him home and sent him straight to his room.I went up after a while and asked him to explain,he did and I said he is not going to xmas dancing party that evening and that he would not see santa and get a present.He wasnt that bothered to be honest.
I sent him off to school this a.m with 2 stickers praisin him for everything he did this morning before school.said that if he gets 5 stickers he will be abloe to open a present before xmas day.
Is this an ok thing to do?
WHat the hell do i do if he gets put on time out again today!!!!!!??

OP posts:

littleducks · 18/12/2008 14:15

i think you should let what happens at achool stay at school, obv back up his teachers but the time out is the punishment so just say that you would be happy if he doesnt go on time out

constancereader · 18/12/2008 14:17

Don't punish him again for what happens at school! He has already had time out. Talk to the teacher about ways to support his good behaviour.

CliffRichardSucksEggsInHell · 18/12/2008 14:18

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

Original poster

bignose · 18/12/2008 14:19

Oh no I feel terrible now

OP posts:

seeker · 18/12/2008 14:19

What happens at school should stay at school - he's aready been punished! It's too late now, but I do think that missing the party was a bit harsh - he's only tiny!

Original poster

bignose · 18/12/2008 14:21

CliffRichardSucksEggsInHell How rude and horrible.Im going to report you.Iv come on here for advice.I am a good parent and cant believe what you have just put

OP posts:

CliffRichardSucksEggsInHell · 18/12/2008 14:22

So you should! He's a child! He's normally a very good child you say, but he does something minor in school, and that is minor btw, serious would be hiting, biting and ruining children's work, his crime? Not listening properly - well he's 4! The teacher is being harsh too, I wouldn't be impressed if my ds had to do time out for not listening properly!

You don't then punish him again at home! And missing out on Santa - that's so bloody mean! You need to have a long hard think about how you deal with things and what is appropriate for a child and what is not. Because you are being very very harsh on your little boy.

Original poster

bignose · 18/12/2008 14:23

Thank you veryone else for the comments and in hindsight I believe it was harsh, but its what my best friend would of done so I presiumed it would of been ok.
I will not be coming on mumsnet again.

OP posts:

CliffRichardSucksEggsInHell · 18/12/2008 14:23

CliffRichardSucksEggsInHell How rude and horrible.Im going to report you.Iv come on here for advice.I am a good parent and cant believe what you have just put

I don't give a toss quite frankly. Your post shocked and upset me, and it's not often that happens. I work in a school, my ds is in reception and you were out of order.

cestlavie · 18/12/2008 14:24

But yes, he was punished at school (no doubt very promptly) so there was no really need to punish him twice particularly several hours later merely for being silly and not listening.

When DD (3) mucks about at nursery, she's put on the naughty chair there and then. I've only subsequently told her off once, when she bit a friend there whilst over-excited. Too late now, but I'd be inclined to make sure you find a way of giving him that present this evening...

BaDaBing · 18/12/2008 14:24

I think you were heavy handed, and personally I would admit that to your ds and apologise to him. I would also then try and organise something fun for him to do as he missed the party. Don't beat yourself up about it too much, part of parenting is making mistakes, but you should try and right the wrong.

Original poster

bignose · 18/12/2008 14:25

God is it me everyone or is this person being really rude.There are ways to put things and you're not doing it very well.My blood is boiling.
Iv come on here for some genuine advice and being abused.

OP posts:

CliffRichardSucksEggsInHell · 18/12/2008 14:27

I did wonder if you were for real bignose.

You got my blood boiling with your post. Your reaction to your little boy was horrendous - and you react that way because your friend does? I'm sorry if you think I'm being rude, but perhaps I'm being rude because I want you to seriously think about the way you are treating your son. Others on this thread have said the same, only in a much nicer way. I'll be nice to you when you're nice to your little boy.

bignose · 18/12/2008 14:28

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

CliffRichardSucksEggsInHell · 18/12/2008 14:30

See, just goes to show what a nice person you are too!

But I won't be reporting you, because I can't be arsed and I actually do think you're not real. So I will fuck off, to a thread that's got real people on it!

constancereader · 18/12/2008 14:30

I thought the op was genuinely trying to do what was best for her son actually, even though I believed she was misguided. She sounded very anxious he should behave at school.

constancereader · 18/12/2008 14:32

lol at how reasonable i sound after that...

Original poster

bignose · 18/12/2008 14:34

omg.im so shocked

OP posts:

controlfreakyhohohohohohoho · 18/12/2008 14:38

no you didnt do the right thing. you completely overreacted and were harsh and unfair. the whole idea of doing something because that's what your friend would do is extremely immature. you should be parenting your ds how you believe he should be parented, not copying your friend. fgs. how do you plan to punish him when it's something serious? cliff is right. you are wrong.... and you did ask.

kitbit · 18/12/2008 14:38

I might not agree with the tone, but I do have to say I agree with CliffRichard's sentiment, I do think you were a bit over harsh. He was punished at school and they dealt with it. To have a word at home and just say that you support the teacher is fine, but to double punish is a bit mean. Especially with something that is so SO important to them at this time of year.

Don't copy your friend, if that's how she deals with her children then she needs to take a good look at her methods too imho

georgiemum · 18/12/2008 14:41

Are you sure they've not been in time out before? It's not really a big deal - it is just teaching them to listen, act safely, play nicely, etc not to punish them for 'bad' behaviour - if it was something really naughty the teacher would have told you. They will spend some time in there as they pick up new behaviour from classmates and get excited about their environment (ie and don't listen to the teacher because they are too busy playing)

DCs whole class was once put in time out because they acted as a team to flood the bathroom (pretty impressive I thought for a class of 3 year olds). When I commented on this to a few of the parents they had no idea...

Don't stress about it, it is perfectly normal (yes we do all make mistakes). You shouldn't really punish at home too - the time between the act and the punishment will be too long and they will find it hard to associate the two (especially when the teacher has already given them time out).

ilove · 18/12/2008 14:44

You were totally wrong. your poor little boy...missing out on Santa and his party

BaDaBing · 18/12/2008 14:44

Oh for goodness sake BN didn't cut off his feet and feed them to the dogs! Sure she over reacted but really Cliff, I think YOU are over reacting with your posts tbh. She has been told she was wrong and some people have given advice on how to deal with situations in the future - do you really need to rip her apart for it?

TheCrackFox · 18/12/2008 14:49

He is only 4! Still not much bigger than a baby. You have completely overreacted.

The teacher sounds a bit neurotic putting children on a time out for not listening. It is a week before Christmas and all DCs get a bit hyperactive.

How would you react when he really does something naughty?

CliffRichardSucksEggsInHell · 18/12/2008 14:55

BaDaBing - her 4yo ds has been given time out at school, then sent to his room at home and missed out on his Christmas Disco and his present from Santa - his crime? To be a bit silly and mess about. At 4yo!

This type of post worries me because I wonder what the OP would do if he did something very naughty like hit a child - after all every child has been very naughty at some stage and if this is what she does when he exhibits normal 4yo behaviour you have to wonder what the punishment would be for anything else.

Yes my posts were strongly worded, I felt strongly about it and I wanted to shock her into have a good long think about the way in which she reacted. If she doesn't like me being rude and aggressive towards her, then perhaps she shouldn't be so quick to lay into her own son?

This poor little boy deserves a hug and an apology. I hope he gets one.

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