Did I do the right thing and what do I do if it happens again today?

[bignose]

My ds is in reception year.When I collected him from school on Tuesday and the teacher told me he had been put on time out.I had a word with him and he explained etc etc.I didnt make a big deal out of it.
I then collected him again yesterday and discvered again that he had been on time out.
The teacher explained that he was bein dilly and not listening.
My ds has never been on time out before and always behaved pretty good most of the time (though he'e not perfect).
I got him home and sent him straight to his room.I went up after a while and asked him to explain,he did and I said he is not going to xmas dancing party that evening and that he would not see santa and get a present.He wasnt that bothered to be honest.
I sent him off to school this a.m with 2 stickers praisin him for everything he did this morning before school.said that if he gets 5 stickers he will be abloe to open a present before xmas day.
Is this an ok thing to do?
WHat the hell do i do if he gets put on time out again today!!!!!!??

Bignose, welcome to Mumsnet. I'm sorry you got that response from cliff. As you say you, like the rest of us, are trying to share and learn from others parenting experiences and I don't feel that response was particularly helpful for you.

Agree with constancereader, if he has already been punished for something at school, then there is no need to punish him further.

I like what you did with the stickers, sounds like a nice way to try to enforce good behaviour.

I think we need to extend a little more grace to op here. Yes we are 'mums' and yes we have to 'do it' - but hey sometimes it's really hard to know what to do for they best. We all react based on how we have been taught to react (even as posters....)and sometimes, dare I say it, in a moment of panic that our gorgeous 4yo is misbehaving and could possibly be starting a behaviour pattern that will affect them for life (come on, how many of us have had a kid who kicked another and thought "oh no - what if my child grows up to be the bully?"!)- we may in that moment over react and be a bit harsh. I think to be a 19yr single mum is hard and I can see how it is probably harder that me with my 3 kids and hubby, because when I over react, I have a reasonable adult there to tell me so. When you're on your own you have no-one to tell you you're wrong and so you do the best job you know how to do. Keep going with the star charts, stickers, praise and cuddles. The fact that you were checking how you were doing is a good thing.

Responding to criticism with 'F* Off' isn't going to be a particularly good example to your child.

Rhubs' point was- you punished him twice which is unfair- and that is what he will remember, especially as he is only 4, and it is very hard for 4 year olds to actually listen when they are supposed to.

bignose, you're old enough to be a mom... don't use youth as an excuse.

there are plenty of us younger moms on MN and it riles me up when it's used as an excuse for getting it wrong as a parent.

we all get it wrong, young and old, in future though try and remember how young he is. i know how tough it is remembering your older child is still a baby when you have a younger one, i make that mistake with dd alot and it shames me that she's sometimes expected to act above her age as she seems so grown up compared to her brother. but she's not, she's still a very small child and needs to be treated as such.

yes certain things require harsh dicipline... like hitting another child or doing something dangerous after being told not to.. but silliness is par for the course at this age... the time out in class was overkill as it was, in future what happens in school should stay in school apart from you stating your support for the teachers actions.

Did you apologise though?

And to answer your question, if I heard a parent being overly harsh on their kids then yes I would and yes I have intervened. I don't like people getting power kicks from controlling kids. I'm not saying you are one of them, but you were very harsh on your son and you set my blood boiling. I was harsh too, for that I apologise. It's not often I see the red mist descend and I don't usually post that harshly.

I'm very strict with my kids and the kids that I am responsible for, I'm known for it. But there is a fine line. I never punish kids more than once and I would never take away a treat for something as trivial as this.

It is psychological abuse if you over discipline, and especially if you take away treats such as Santa and a school disco for a little silliness! I hope you can see that now.

As someone has said, none of us are perfect and we all make mistakes, the cue is to learn from those mistakes. Just because your friend parents one way, doesn't make her way right. You learn from your own childhood, in my case I learnt what NOT to do.

You have to lower your expectations. He sounds like a good kid who is doing his utmost to please, and you are rewarding him which is great - but do allow him to be a child. Children are naughty, that is their nature, some of that naughtiness we choose to ignore, some we pull them up on and some we punish for. You have to set your own guidelines in place and stick to them.

One last question - you said you are only 19, you have a 4yo son (as he's in Reception so he must be) and another poster implied you have an elder daughter - how can this be?

Can I just check, you say you are 19? On another thread you say you left home at 21 and are now 32????[hmmm]

If you are a troll, which I now suspect, I retract my apology wholeheartedly.

I should have gone with my first instincts!

BaDaBing....I agree. I know how it feels to have a usuaaly well behaved child and then get a message at the end of the day that they have done something silly/naughty, it plays on your mind. I dont think you should feel guilty, i think you should just move on from it, dont take him somewhere really nice, dont punish him, just carry on as normal. I'm soooo glad we have so many 'perfect parents' on mumsnet that never make any mistakes

And you are married bignose - how about you tell us the truth? Or did you just want to raise the stakes and get more sympathy for the way I 'abused' you? After all, it looks worse if you are a single parent 19yo being criticised, rather than a married, working 32yo doesn't it?

Im sorry Cliff because I thought badly of you. Maybe your gut was right.
I do hope though that there may have been someone who read the advice on here and used it even if it wasnt the OP

pathetic

bignose, you really are psychologically unhinged in some way aren't you?

who pretends to be a teenage single mother to get more sympathy on an internet forum about punishing their child in a hideously ott manner?!

Bignose - I would probably feel very cross with my DS in the same situation, and totally agree with supporting what goes on in school. Your DS is getting clear boundaries, and the same message from different points of authority (you and the school). The punishment did sound OTT, but it's hard to judge without the background, because sometimes things just escalate without anyone wanting them to.

This is not my account.I dont have a computer.Im with my brothers wife thankyou.
She also has a 4yr old and a 20month old dd.

just read the troll stuff. Consider the nice comment retracted.

Yes well, perhaps there is. We all go off on one at some time or another, I shouldn't have had such a go at her and she shouldn't be lying.

But I do think the situation is true and I hope that her little boy receives a fairer discipline procedure now and that some of the advice offered on here has been taken on board.

Full moon anyone?

Give it a rest bignose. Let's just shake hands and forget about it. Ask for this thread to be deleted if you like, then start all over again.

It's Christmas for crying out loud, now let's be friends - go and give your ds a hug and kiss!

Only half

Maybe that means people are half there!