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Behaviour/development

Talk to others about child development and behaviour stages here. You can find more information on our development calendar.

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Original poster

What on earth am I going to do with her????????????

15 replies

BloominKids · 24/03/2005 10:06

Please help.

I am sooooooooooooooooooooooo embarrassed that I have changed my talk name but would like some help if you can.

My daughter is 5 and she has always been very very wilful. A few months ago she went through a stage of weeing on her bed, we asked her why and she said it was 'she did it in her sleep', she then admitted it was actually because she couldn't be bothered to go to the toilet.

I went into her bedroom this morning and there was a very very strong smell of urine, I asked her if she knew what it was and she blamed the cat and walked out of her room, I knew it definately wasn't cat wee. Anyway after alot of searching and checking her bed etc and other things, I found that she had been weeing in her bin, once i asked her she said once again it was because she couldn't be bothered to go to the toilet. The bathroom is next door to her room ffs.

I instantly said that she couldn't have any more bedtime drinks in bed with her whilst she watches a video and also said she couldn't have videos for a week (she has one every night when she goes to bed), when I said this, she just laughed in my face and said, so what I don't care. I straight away said 2 weeks without videos and if you carry on it will increase. she shut up straight away.

DH phoned up as he usually does from work to check on us all (I'm suffering at minute with depression and finding every day a struggle) i told him what had happened and he said that 2 weeks is too long even after i explained how insolent she was and how she laughed at me. I can see that we will argue when I get home because he says 2 weeks is too long.

She is now tantruming because I have thrown her bin outside, I have yet to decide whether to bring it back in or not yet. She is also being a complete rat bag to her younger sister, pushing and shoving her.

Have any of you any words of wisdom, have I been too harsh.

OP posts:

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RudyDudy · 24/03/2005 10:09

All sympathy BK - that does sound like a very tough situation to deal with. My DS is not that age yet so I don't know what is too harsh but my gut reaction was that 2 weeks was right - especially as it was only that that got a response.

As for the weeing - can you threaten to put her back in a nighttime nappy???

Sure someone with more experience will be along with some wise words soon. (((hugs))) to you

Aimsmum · 24/03/2005 10:11

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Original poster

BloominKids · 24/03/2005 10:14

She has been going to the toilet during the evening fine for months now, I really don't know why she has to do this.

I know that i will end up arguing with dh about this, he is one that instead of dealing with a situation ie her throwing a tantrum or being naughty, he will put her a video on so that he can have a bit of peace and quiet.

Dreading him coming home.

OP posts:

yoyo · 24/03/2005 10:15

I don't think 2 weeks is too long but you may need to use some sort of chart for her to see the days counting down. Don't think they understand how long 2 weeks actually is at that age sometimes. Good luck.

RudyDudy · 24/03/2005 10:16

BK - can you phone DH and talk about this before he gets home so you don't spend all day dreading it? Can you ask him to support you on this as you have told her 2 weeks and if you change it now it will make the punishment less effective.

Beetroot · 24/03/2005 10:18

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Original poster

BloominKids · 24/03/2005 10:21

If I ring him at work and try and discuss it with him he will be in an even more foul mood when he gets home. He seems to think that I am too harsh by taking videos and her bedtime drinks off her.

When i go out the kids always run riot, because as he puts it he is 'A soft touch', don't know whether he is trying to make out I am too strict of what, but she sometimes goes too far and needs discipline.

Good idea YoYo, I will set up a start chart today.

What do you think about earning say 10 stars a day and then she gets a video (when the two weeks are up)

When I say 10 stars, they are for things such as

Getting dressed
Eating Breakfast
putting her pj's in front of the washer
Eating lunch etc

all things that are easily within her reach

OP posts:

emmatmg · 24/03/2005 10:22

My ds1 has a computer ban for 2 weeks atm for spitting in Ds2's face, He's lucky he survived it with just a ban TBH, I nearly lynched him.

2 weeks is fine as from experince of the last ban here 1 week just didn't matter to him.

He's 5 too btw.

Original poster

BloominKids · 24/03/2005 10:23

THank you emma at least I know I'm the only one to impose 2 week bans.

I was disgusted when I realised what she had done, but to blame it on the cat, it just proves that children can lie.

OP posts:

Beetroot · 24/03/2005 10:24

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aloha · 24/03/2005 10:44

Not at all. It's hardly child abuse to say no videos in bed! Also, it's a good lesson to learn that things that get weed on get thrown away.

aloha · 24/03/2005 10:46

I also think the lack of backup from your dh sounds like a bigger problem than your daughter's weeing (and yes, she might be afraid of the dark - can you put a decent nightlight in the hall or leave the loo light on at night?). Also star chart is good idea I think.
Does your dh like to be the 'nice guy' leaving you to be the unpopular one? I've seen that situation before and think it is very undermining and seems to bring out the worst in children.

Original poster

BloominKids · 24/03/2005 12:40

Aloha, DH can be quite undermining of me when I try and discipline her and I have sometimes had a right go at him for this particular reason, he doesn't even like joining in OUR routine, because he says it is exactly that as he is at work. As far as I see it, I spent the majority of time with the children therefore I should discipline as I see fit. He says that I am too strict and find things unacceptable that he has no problem with, the difference being his mother let him get away with murder as he was the only boy and I was brought up by a very strict but very fair single dad who i did and still do respect wholeheartedly.

She has a nightlight on in her bedroom which lights up the hallway when she opens the door and she has never had a problem switching the bathroom light as we had the light pull extended so that she could reach it.

OP posts:

floppsy · 24/03/2005 12:53

Hi BK- knw how you feel my 6yr old is being a pain at the moment too.She constantly hits her younger sister & doesn't listen to a word i say,i agree with you they both think im a soft touch.I had a terrible morning before school because she knew dh had gone to work early,have to say though dh do back me up with whatever i say is punishment.I to have been out today to get stickers to start a chart in the holidays,hopefully it will work.Don't think 2 weeks is to long but don't give in because dh wants peace stick to your guns you got to put up with her.

KarenThirl · 24/03/2005 13:27

Punishment doesn't always work, but positive reinforcement usually does. Offer a reward for compliance rather than a punishment for disobedience and it might just come right. Eg, if she can manage not to wee on her bed (or in the bin, or anywhere except the toilet) for a week you'll take her to the cinema, or swimming, or whatever else she's into. A star chart is a good way of monitoring it. At five she seems to be manipulating things a bit but she obviously knows what she's doing, so should be able to control herself if there's a reward at the end of it.

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