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Behaviour/development

Talk to others about child development and behaviour stages here. You can find more information on our development calendar.

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Original poster

Imaginary Friends

15 replies

SkyenSummer · 12/12/2008 10:34

My daughter aged 4, has had an imaginery 'grandpather', 'cousin' and 'big sister' whom she says lives round the corner with a big garden and she also has a rabbit! I am beginning to wonder how to deal with it, do I agree with her & amuse her, which I have been doing, but she wanted to go round to her 'grandpathers' last week to the point she had a paddy on the floor because we had said OK earlier in the day just to get her out the door, so when it didn't come about she went off.....crying etc. so this did worry me about the way we're handling it, any advise....??

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sparklyxmasfairy · 12/12/2008 10:38

not quite sure as I am new to this business, dd is 3.6 and she got an imaginary friend when she started nursery a few months back, apparently called Luke
it seemed like a way of dealing with the change, last night she went on about another friend which seems to be the one she uses to describe fanciful things she wants to try
so far we just listen and take it lightly

hillbilly · 12/12/2008 11:42

Also not sure I can help but DD who is 3.6 has had an imaginary friend called Alexander (but is a girl!), who apparently does not go to the same pre school, is 5yrs old and has multicoloured curly hair! (sounds like Kelis!)

This started shortly after she started at a new pre school.

nancy75 · 12/12/2008 11:46

my dd (3.5)got an imaginary friend called jeremy the princess - its a girl! when we moved house, i must admit it gives me the creeps but we have just gone along with it really, cant offer any advice, just nice to know shes not the only one.

sparklyxmasfairy · 12/12/2008 11:52

I meant to add I would not use it to get her to do something, just on the point that it is a promise you can't fulfil

I just nod and repeat what she says and just let it go

Luke was there too
oh was he?
Yes it was fun

nancy75 · 12/12/2008 11:54

is it just girls that have these friends?

mistlethrushinapeartree · 12/12/2008 11:55

Ds (now 3.5) has had 'Baby Jack' since he was 2 (although I was told that Baby Jack had died a little while ago - not sure whether this will mean that he doesn't ever come back again - he apparently taught Ds how to iceskate some time ago). He also has 2 friendly mosters who are very useful to scare way nasty monsets or other things like that... However, Baby Jack and the 2 monsters are very clear that they have to follow house rules

sticksantaupyourchimney · 12/12/2008 11:55

My DS has a variety of them but they seem quite harmless (a little girl called Jessica who is sometimes about 3 inches tall and sometimes child-size) and assorted invisible mallards and geese. There was a crab called Nacky Nacky Nacky for a while but he seems to have been forgotten about.
I think it's probbly inadvisible to use the friends as a stick/carrot though because, like SXF says, you can't follow through.

basementbear · 12/12/2008 11:57

Boys have them too, DS2 (5) has a friend who aparently does Judo (there was another thread about this recently but I'm rubbish at doing links I'm afraid). I would just accept it and do what Sparkly said - don't promise to do things you can't go through with. If she says she wants to go and visit her "friend" just try to make up an excuse, like "sorry, not now, it's nearly teatime" etc and don't let her pin you down to a time/day to do it!

Original poster

SkyenSummer · 12/12/2008 14:42

Thanks for that I can carry on the way we are then, it is harmless, I do the ecuse thing but last week it didn't work she really wanted to go there! My mind is now at rest, well until the next hurdle......

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basementbear · 12/12/2008 20:32

Just thought I'd update you .. DS2 told me today his imaginary friend who does Judo is called Connor . No idea where he got the name from, as we don't know anyone called Connor but I am looking forward to getting more details in the future! I am sure it is the sign of a very active and creative imagination and no doubt enormous IQ

Original poster

SkyenSummer · 12/12/2008 20:54

Can I ask as i'm new to this chatting! what does DD, & DS mean should I be using these abreivations? Is it DD - girl & Ds boy? sorry if i've put a spanner in the works....but it's better to ask if u'r not sure isn't it? thanks for last message DD has always had an active & creative imagination, IQ hope so she hasn't got it off me maybe daddy! thats what I luv about her, i'm going to try & add a face now here goes thats what she'd do....

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basementbear · 12/12/2008 21:16

DD= darling daughter
DS= darling son
DC= darling children

If you look at the top of the page you can click on the acronym list which will give you the list of all the abbreviations - it can take a while to get used to them all!!

Original poster

SkyenSummer · 12/12/2008 22:01

Thanks basemtbear

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gkmum · 12/12/2008 22:49

My dd is 4 next month and she too has a pretend mummy, daddy, baby or whatever else takes her fancy at the time. We tend to play along with what she's saying as it's usually pretty harmless although some weeks ago she came out with "my pretend dad got shot at work and he died and it was a shame as he was only trying to help people" which freaked me out. She's had imaginary friends since she was 2 and likes to play this game where she'll pretend to be me and I have to pretend to be her. I am considering enrolling her in a young children's theatre group as think this may a good way to channel this aspect of personality.

VodaMum · 27/12/2008 18:28

My dd aged 4 has had an imaginary friend called Chloe since she was 2. We tend to go along with the concept - i.e. simply passively echoing my dd's comments about Chloe (as described by sparklyxmasfairy above), never challenging Chloe's existence but also never actively encouraging my dd to expand upon Chloe's current adventures, preferences, etc. But...I did crack one day with unforseen consequences: I was tired, driving in heavy traffic and dd, sitting behind me in her car seat, was going on and on and on about what Chloe was doing today and what Chloe was going to do today and what Chloe was going to eat (dd is a fussy eater while Chloe has a dream appetite!) and how Chloe's bedroom is going to be decorated ("sparkly rainbow colours and pink"). I looked up in the mirror and said "Can we stop talking about Chloe for a while, please? Mummy is a bit tired of hearing about Chloe." There was a pregnant pause and then dd said: "Chloe's DOG is going to the cinema today. Chloe's DOG said to me that her bedroom is going to be painted sparkly rainbow colours and pink. Chloe's DOG doesn't like peas, she likes brocolli and sausages and fairy castles with princesses. Chloe's DOG has a boyfriend called Luke, who has a horse." etc., etc. After several days of hearing about the Chloe-esque life of Chloe's "dog", I asked dd to tell me what Chloe was doing today. And 'normality' was resumed.

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