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Behaviour/development

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Original poster

Are you contemplating a 3rd child but not sure?

11 replies

popsy0204 · 10/12/2008 13:53

I have two lovely daughters close in age (19 months apart) age 4 and 5. They are both at full-time school and I'm thinking of having another baby. However I'm just not sure. I go through days when I think, "yes, yes this is definately what I want" (when I happen to see a cute toddler in the supermarket) or other times when my DD's are stressing me or I'm too tired and I think "oh no, how could I?"

DH doesn't mind having another and has left the decision to me. I also think is it fair on my two girls to have another child knowing a lot of my attention will be taken away from them, is there too big an age gap between them and a younger sibling?

I was talking to a lady this week who has two grown up children close in age and a third who is 6 years younger and said its like having two families!

Anyone else in a dilema like this?

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pooka · 10/12/2008 13:58

Me. I always saw myself having 3 children. Immediately after ds was born, and for the following year and a half really, I was still certain that wanted another.

He is now 3 and a quarter. DD is 5 and a half. And I just don't know. Feel sad when I contemplate never being pregnant again, never giving birth again. No more babies.

But at the same time, things just seem to be getting easier with the dcs now. We're more mobile. I'm freelancing. School run not too tricky. All of that.

Also, I kind of feel sad that if I was to have another, the age gaps would be more significant, and the third would be less close to his/her older siblings than they are to each other. I rather wish we had just thrown caution to the wind and gone for it when ds was younger.

I am the third of three (brothers 4.5 and 6 yrs older than me) and ds is the youngest of three as well (older brothers 6 and 7 years older than him). And both of us are happy.

I don't know....

I jsut see the time speeding on and the longer I wonder whether to have NO. 3 the less likely it is that we will IYSWIM.

chipsandtart · 10/12/2008 13:59

go for it when i accidently fell pregnant with no3 i was regretting it and dreading it as my other two would only be 18 months and nearly 4 when he would be born but he been here 4 months now and he has been the best thing that has ever happend to us as a family and has made me a much calmer confident parent.(cos you have to be i suppose)

so go on turn that telly off tonight and go make babys

shootRudolphinthehip · 10/12/2008 14:03

My pregnancies were pretty horrible so the idea of a third DC is one that doesn't appeal. I love the idea of another child but not the whole pregnancy ordeal business.

If you are thinking about another one then do it soon. My DS is 10 yrs younger than me and I feel more like her Auntie and not her big sis.

toobusytothink · 10/12/2008 14:04

That is exactly how I am feeling right now. Have a just 3 yr old and a 1.9 yr old. We are considering no.3. part of me would love more and I can easily see myself being so happy with more, but equally we are very blessed with our 2 and as mentioned, just getting to the stage where everything is getting easier. If I were to get pregnant tomorrow there would be 2.5 yrs between 2 and 3. Know that doesn't sound much, but 1st will be nealy 4. That means, when he starts in Yr 3, number 3 will still only be 3 years old. And that does sound like a big gap.

What to do????? Wish my hubbie would decide for me but he can see pros and cons of both aswell.

starkadder · 10/12/2008 16:09

Not to be morbid, but for me having more than 2 is important, because my brother died when I was a teenager. I'm one of lots so it was not as bad as it could have been; I have friends who have lost siblings and are let as only children, which is even more traumatic. sorry to bring the mood down...

ohreindeerwhatamessysleigh · 10/12/2008 16:49

I always thought I'd like 3, but now I'm quite sure that I want to stop at 2. Dh would really like a 3rd (or more), probably because he is one of 4.

I can't go through pregnancy again. Had pre-eclampsia twice, felt crap throughout, and very grumpy. I'm just starting to feel vaguely human again for the first time since summer 2005 (when I got pg with ds1). Very selfish of me, perhaps.

Much as I love ds2, I'm not a baby person. I don't want to go through the screaming and sleepless night phase ever again.

shubiedoo · 10/12/2008 16:55

I think all kinds of gaps can work. Dh is closest in age to his sister (2.5 yrs apart), and they have nothing in common. They get on fine, but he's much closer to his younger sibs who are 7 years and 12 years younger than him!

katiek123 · 10/12/2008 16:56

i have two kids and it's been tough, and yet i adore them as we all do our children, and i do so love babies...BUT i am finally getting my own life back now they are both at school, as of a year ago, and DH and i have time together now and again, and the kids are more manageable and fun and we can take them biking, and all fit round a table on our train adventures, and we can divide into two sets of two now and again and give them time one-to-one... there is no way i would have a third!!! no way jose. but i understand the urge. and i think it is in some part to do with your family of origin - DH and i both happen to just have one sibling each (and are close to them) - but i bet if i was from three i would want three...would probably feel 'right'. good luck!

Olifin · 10/12/2008 21:28

Ooooh, this is a really hard one. My DH would be quite happy to stick with what we've got but, I think, would go for a 3rd if I was persistent enough! We have a DD, aged 3 and DS- 8 months but I get desperately broody and feel like we need to decide soon, as I'd rather not leave too big a gap between 2nd and 3rd. Ds has been a dream baby (touches wood) and I can't believe we'd be lucky enough to get another as easy-going as him; just feel like we're so blessed with the two we've got...but then the thought of never being pregnant/giving birth/bfing again
My heart says yes but my head says no.

Sorry OP, that won't help with your decision much but...good luck, whatever you decide. I'm sure it'll all work out just fine.

Martha200 · 11/12/2008 23:53

Am in this mode right now, do we or don't we, have a ds nearly 6, ds2 11 mths.. love the age gap but wouldn't want to leave it that long between another.. it irritates me how one moment I will be fine, then the next I swap minds.. DH and I are thinking of giving 6mths to fate, as in if it happens it happens if not not and that's a decision made! (this starts from Jan, we said 6mths ago, so whether we do is another thing!)

Thing is if I did have another I know the family would think we were after a girl and that's not the case.. another thing is having a third section could I really do this, could I cope.. again no answers, but know that dilema!

Aefondkiss · 12/12/2008 00:26

I always thought I would have at least 3 children... I have dd who is 7 and ds who is 4 and has sn, possibly autism (no dx yet) and now I just don't know... dh would happily stop at 2, but I still think we have room (in our tiny little house) for one more child, two seems a bit of a stingy amount of children to have, just my humble opinion... I do worry if I have another child and then it also has sn..... just thinking about having another child makes me smile, but I really don't enjoy being pg.

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