Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

Behaviour/development

Talk to others about child development and behaviour stages here. You can find more information on our development calendar.

Flip

1 2 3

Original poster

What do you make of my Dad saying to my daughter "Stop that laughing, or I'll take you home"??

57 replies

mummyloveslucy · 07/12/2008 18:53

Hi, I don't know if any of you remember my thread last week about me taking my daughter to her Grandads house. Well anyway, he takes any toys away from her if they make a noise, he even tried to take away her box of crayons as she was shaking the box. I said quickly, lets take them out and I'll put the box in my bag. He has no tollerence what so ever. He puts Cbeebies on for her but at a volume she can't really hear, then as soon as she looks away, he turnes over channels.
Anyway, today I came prepared to entertain my daughter in a quiet way. She took finger puppets, colouring books, and bubbles.
She was playing with the puppets and got a fit of the giggles, something must have amused her. She has a really infectious laugh. My Dad then said to her "If you don't stop that noise, you'll be going home early"
I felt like saying, so she can't play with her favourite toys, she can't watch T.V, she can't make any noise or go in to any rooms and now, she can't even laugh ? I just don't know what the hell his problem is. He'll always been a bit of a grumpy bugger but recently, he won't stand for anything. I might have to see him on my own in future. His wife was there today and she's a funny bugger too, she bearly talks to me unless it's to critisize my parenting ,she has a very sharp, cold manner. She's always been the same. ( the sort of wicked step- mother from a disney film )
I like seing my Dad but it's becoming stressfull trying to keep my daughter from annoying him. She is as good as gold, I don't know quite what he expects of a 3 and 3/4 year old. The sad thing is, she loves seing her Grandad and she tells him she loves him. He dosn't understand much of what she says, so I have to interprite for her.
What would you do? stop taking her, just take her once a month or so, or just carry on taking her?
He refuses to come to my house, as he wants me and my brother to come to him.

OP posts:

Are your children’s vaccines up to date?

Set a reminder

McDreeamy · 07/12/2008 18:56

I'm afraid my patience would have run out by now. He is being very unreasonable and how have you managed to keep your cool?

Original poster

mummyloveslucy · 07/12/2008 18:58

I think because my daughter was there, and it would've been two agaist one. His wife dosn't speek to me unless it's to have a go about something.

OP posts:

SatsumaMoon · 07/12/2008 18:59

Is there a park near his house that you could suggest you all go to for a walk? If he finds it hard to deal with a small child indoors, any noise, chatter, etc might seem less when you are outdoors. Otherwise maybe go on your own a few times, see if he misses seeing her and then maybe only take her on every other visit?

Original poster

mummyloveslucy · 07/12/2008 19:01

Yes, I think I'll take her on every other visit. He won't go for a walk, as it's winter. In the summer it's better as she can play in the garden.

OP posts:

piscesmoon · 07/12/2008 19:13

I would have it out with him, he is very young to be a grandfather. We have the opposite with very old grandparents and we don't have to walk on eggshells with them. Lots of 48 yr old men are fathers for the first time.
I would tell him that she loves coming but you can't cope with his miserable attitude any longer-either he accepts her as she is or you will have to go less often on your own.

SatsumaMoon · 07/12/2008 19:17

He's only 48? I thought he was going to be in his 70s and too arthritic to walk to the park!

bigTillyMint · 07/12/2008 19:18

48! FFS

Is he ill? I mean, if you're not feeling 100%, small kids can appear quite noisy.

ruddynorah · 07/12/2008 19:21

is he 48?! seriously?! does he have health problems?

can your brother come to your house? so your dad will too?

if not i honestly wouldn't take her any more than maybe once every other months. can you explain why to your dad? what would he say if you said you weren't bringing her anymore?

piscesmoon · 07/12/2008 19:21

I was shocked in the last thread to find that he was 48, I thought he had to be 80 at the very least! My suggestion then was to leave the DD with him and go shopping-he would have to get to know her.

Original poster

mummyloveslucy · 07/12/2008 19:22

Yes you're right. Every one else in our familys loves spending time with her. She's always made so welcome. She must find it a bit strange too.

Yes, he's 48 going on 88.

OP posts:

meandjoe · 07/12/2008 19:24

Bloody hell that sounds tough for you both. Poor dd. I'd leave her with her daddy or a friend and go and see him on your own to be honest. She's so young and it's just utterly impossible what he's asking of her. Poor little girl won't really enjoy going if she can't even laugh, bless her, she sounds so adorable too. I must admit I thought he'd ne older from your description, I read your post last week and felt sorry for him if he was very old or ill but also realise that it can't be much fun for dd to sit in silence which is basically what he's expecting. Only 48??! My dad is 55 and actively encourages my ds to bang/ clap/ laugh etc!

bigTillyMint · 07/12/2008 19:24

Does he live on his own?

48's a bit young to get that set in your ways.

I would go without her and see if he notices

ruddynorah · 07/12/2008 19:25

would he come with you both on a day trip somewhere? rather than being sat is his house every sunday.

Original poster

mummyloveslucy · 07/12/2008 19:26

No, he's not ill. He's always been the same when me and my brother were small. He was only 20 when I was born.
There's no way he'd let me leave her with him and even if he did, I'd worry that he'd be even stricter without me there and make her cry.

OP posts:

Original poster

mummyloveslucy · 07/12/2008 19:31

He is Married, to my wicked step-mother.

OP posts:

AnyFuckerForAMincePie · 07/12/2008 19:46

he sounds like a total arse

my dh is 46, no way would he act like this

(we are older parents btw )

it actually sounds like he has mental health problems, is his behaviour normal in every other way? Early-onset alzheimers springs to mind

if I were in your shoes, I would cut the visits right back, and I would be explicit as to why

selfish in the fucking extreme (unless illness involved)

Original poster

mummyloveslucy · 07/12/2008 20:09

He is just totally intolletent of children i think. He was saying to me the other week how he thought it was amazing how this mother could let her small child have a tantrum in WHSmiths. He said she should have taken the child out of the shop, as it's not fair on other shoppers to listen to it. I would just think, poor woman, I'm glad that stage is over for me.

OP posts:

Original poster

mummyloveslucy · 07/12/2008 20:14

I've just told my Husband about it and he said it's a good job he wasn't there, as she wouldn't be going to his house ever again. He is usually a very tollerant man.
He said that next sunday he's going to treat us to a trip on a steam train, to meet father christmas. He said that we'll have a really lovely day as a family instead.

OP posts:

onepieceofbrusselssprout · 07/12/2008 20:20

mll I remember your other thread. I have been thinking about this situation. I have experience in my own family and also ils, in that they have issues of their own about how their own parents/ils behaved?

Is it possible that your father is displaying behaviour that he experienced from his own parents/ils. As an example, I understand that my mil (who is dreadful and very intolerant) had difficult relationships with her own ils and mother. I gather she was probably expected to keep my dh and his brother quiet. So rather than trying to change things for the better, because she is still bitter about this, she is horrible and unreasonable towards us and our dds.

It doesn't excuse his behaviour, but might help you understand. fwiw I think you have to try (if possible) to explain that unless he changes, your dd won't be seeing him regularly.

Original poster

mummyloveslucy · 07/12/2008 20:26

His parents were quite old when they had him. and he was an only child so had a lot more to do with adults than children. He's said that he's always fely like he was a middle aged man in a childs body. He said that the children at his school irritated him. His Mum was a perfect Mother in every way, but I think his Dad could be a bit strict and wouldn't stand for any nonesence. He was lovely too but liked a good row with the neighbours apparently.

OP posts:

onepieceofbrusselssprout · 07/12/2008 20:28

It's a really difficult situation. I hope you find a solution soon.

Original poster

mummyloveslucy · 07/12/2008 20:32

In fact a few weeks ago when I was at his house, he went out in to the road to shout at the children playing foot ball in the street. He said "I don't want a bloody football match outside my house every weekend". He told me that they walk accross his lawn to get the ball back.
Later there Grandad came to have a go at my Dad and they had a good row about it.
He said to my Dad "Your father was just the same" (It was his parents house he lives in). My Dad then said to me it's right, my Dad would've shouted at the boys. He said "I always used to cringe, but I find myself doing the same thing".

OP posts:

Podrick · 07/12/2008 20:34

You should talk to him about this. Ask him if he actually wants visits from you and your dd. Maybe he doesn't enjoy them?

Original poster

mummyloveslucy · 07/12/2008 20:40

Maybe so. He used to enjoy it when she was a baby, when she just lay there looking sweet. I think I'll start leaving her at home more or just tell him I'm working etc. If he askes where she is, I'll say she's with her Grandma as I know how much she annoys you.

OP posts:

lillychristmaspuddingandpie · 07/12/2008 20:40

Stop taking her,she wont be missing out on anything by not going and would have a much nicer time somewhere that she is aloud to play and laugh!!

Flip

1 2 3