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Behaviour/development

Talk to others about child development and behaviour stages here. You can find more information on our development calendar.

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Original poster

What do you make of my Dad saying to my daughter "Stop that laughing, or I'll take you home"??

57 replies

mummyloveslucy · 07/12/2008 18:53

Hi, I don't know if any of you remember my thread last week about me taking my daughter to her Grandads house. Well anyway, he takes any toys away from her if they make a noise, he even tried to take away her box of crayons as she was shaking the box. I said quickly, lets take them out and I'll put the box in my bag. He has no tollerence what so ever. He puts Cbeebies on for her but at a volume she can't really hear, then as soon as she looks away, he turnes over channels.
Anyway, today I came prepared to entertain my daughter in a quiet way. She took finger puppets, colouring books, and bubbles.
She was playing with the puppets and got a fit of the giggles, something must have amused her. She has a really infectious laugh. My Dad then said to her "If you don't stop that noise, you'll be going home early"
I felt like saying, so she can't play with her favourite toys, she can't watch T.V, she can't make any noise or go in to any rooms and now, she can't even laugh ? I just don't know what the hell his problem is. He'll always been a bit of a grumpy bugger but recently, he won't stand for anything. I might have to see him on my own in future. His wife was there today and she's a funny bugger too, she bearly talks to me unless it's to critisize my parenting ,she has a very sharp, cold manner. She's always been the same. ( the sort of wicked step- mother from a disney film )
I like seing my Dad but it's becoming stressfull trying to keep my daughter from annoying him. She is as good as gold, I don't know quite what he expects of a 3 and 3/4 year old. The sad thing is, she loves seing her Grandad and she tells him she loves him. He dosn't understand much of what she says, so I have to interprite for her.
What would you do? stop taking her, just take her once a month or so, or just carry on taking her?
He refuses to come to my house, as he wants me and my brother to come to him.

OP posts:

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Original poster

mummyloveslucy · 07/12/2008 21:00

True.

OP posts:

sunnygirl1412 · 08/12/2008 10:38

When he asks why you haven't brought your dd to visit him, that is the perfect opportunity for you to say that you've left her with your dp because it's unfair to bring her to a house where she's criticised every time she makes the tiniest noise, and that you would rather she wasn't upset by such unpleasantness.

Perhaps if he realises that his behaviour is going to stop him seeing his dgd, he might finally change his ways - but I do think you are going to have to be quite blunt about it - make it clear that she's not going to be visiting unless he stops picking on every single noise she makes. Be firm but fair.

Original poster

mummyloveslucy · 08/12/2008 10:55

Yes, I'll definatly let him know. The miserable old bugger.

OP posts:

DippyDino · 08/12/2008 18:41

Very miserable bugger!
My dh is 43. He can usually be found at family parties pretending to be a lion underneath a pile of happily squealing chidren.

So age is no excuse!

shitehawk · 08/12/2008 18:45

You have to say something to him, you really do. It's no good getting yourself wound up about it; you have to talk to him otherwise it will drive you mad.

You don't have to cause a row, just calmly and quietly tell him how sad it makes you that he doesn't tolerate her. Tell him how much she adores him, but that you are afraid she will start to be frightened of him if he carries on being so miserable around her.

I would also tell him that if he can't bring himself to be nice to her, he will be the one who misses out because you're not prepared to let her spend time around someone who is so hard on her.

Piffle · 08/12/2008 18:48

Ourkids grandad struggles mid afternoon and likes a nap. Other than that he is happy to play, walk, entertain them. (6, 20mths and 14 so up mean feat)
And he is 71!

jellyhead · 08/12/2008 18:57

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Jux · 08/12/2008 19:10

If your relationship is quite good, tell him he's being unreasonable, tell him how great she is at being quiet (for her age); point out how much she loves him and then ask if he wants you not to bring her again?

blinks · 10/12/2008 01:19

they sound a charming pair of wankers.

i wouldn't be able to stop myself from boffing him on the nose.

thumbElf · 10/12/2008 01:39

I think a Christmas gift of Grumpy Old Men on DVD would be appropriate, with a pair of earplugs.

Your poor DD, not to be allowed to laugh even! My Dad is 75 and he is a bit like that, but he wouldn't get annoyed at his DGC laughing, just when they scream and get over-loud.

NewKnickersFromSantaOnMaHead · 10/12/2008 01:42

Stop taking her to see him.

TinselBaublesMistletoe · 10/12/2008 01:45

I was rather shocked that he's only 48! Mum is a little younger (my OH isn't much younger either lol) and she does get fed up by the noise and mess when my brother visits with his kids but she lets them get on with it and when they've gone she switches the TV off and tidies up. Besides, my brother has five kids and it's like a tornado when they come through the door! Tink as an only child doesn't make as much noise or mess and Mum can cope with her a lot better - except when it's six kids!

I can't get over a young man who can't cope with his one granddaughter for a couple of hours, especially the laughing, there's no better sound in the world than a child's laughter!

I'd do as people have suggested and leave her own in future.

I have to ask though: "I'll say she's with her Grandma as I know how much she annoys you" is that Grandma or DD?

treedelivery · 10/12/2008 01:58

Poor you OP! You're so tolerant! I'd have gone wild by now!

Stop taking her and tell him why - I too thought he might be elderly and perhaps had ill health or perhaps dementia or something.

Maybe he'll make an effort and ask for her to visit - which would be great. Maybe he won't, in that case better for all concerned she isn't exposed to it. Maybe she could make him pictures and cards and stuff so she still feels she is loving him and he's her granddad.

I'm sure there are many reasons for his behaviour and feelings, but as the adult in full control of his faculties it's his job to act in a fair way despite his feelings etc.

MadamDeathstarOverBethlehem · 10/12/2008 03:21

Tell him you won't be bringing her to see him for a while as her noise seems to aggravate him and see what he says. People relate to children better at different ages. He might not enjoy her company now, but he might love spending time with her when she is older.

Does he have a very low tolerance to noise anyway?

Original poster

mummyloveslucy · 10/12/2008 09:25

Thanks everyone for your posts, some have really made me lol
I really should buy him a grumpy old men DVD and earplugs and give it to him from Lucy for christmas.
He does have a very low tollerence of noise gerally. I spoke to my Mum about it yesterday and she basically said the same as you mums. She couldn't believe that she was told not to laugh. My Mum lives in N.Z and she said she'd give absoluitly anything to hear her little grand daughter's laughter right now. She also said that it was extreamly hard for her raising my brother and I, when we had to be so quiet all the time when he was around. I'm really not supprised they divorced in the end. My Mum is so fun loving and out going. He has his perfect wife now. A grumpy, intollerent, cold woman who dosn't have anything nice to say about anyone. They seem very happy together.

OP posts:

blinks · 10/12/2008 09:29

let the buggers get on with it then.

cory · 10/12/2008 09:34

It does sound like there is something medically wrong with your Dad, some sort of hypersensitivity that is not normal for his age. Possibly hereditary if his Dad had it too. Maybe he cannot help it, but you need to organise things so that your dd does not suffer. Her wellbeing is your priority. I would explain calmly to him that you feel it is better that you come on your own most of the time.

edam · 10/12/2008 09:41

Doubt there's anything medically wrong. As far as I know there's no such thing as an allergy to small children! He just sounds like a miserable bugger who is set in his ways and is too selfish to think of anyone else's needs.

Original poster

mummyloveslucy · 10/12/2008 09:54

I think he might have hypersensitive hearing or something. When my brother and I were children, we had to put our crisps in a bowl as he didn't like us russeling the packet. There were so many things that irritated him.

OP posts:

arcticlemming · 10/12/2008 10:01

My DH is a year younger than your dad and we have a very spirited 3 year old and an 1 year old (ancient parents emoticon). No-one unwraps a noisy electronic toy (usually sent by a child- free friend or relative) on Christmas day and thinks "Whoopy doo! That'll be nice to listen to for the rest of the year" but we get on with it. If he really can't bear even a reasonable amount of noise then I think you're right in limiting contact - it's just not fair on your DD. Both you and your DD sound saintly - My DD would have been yelling "Daddy's got a WILLY" at the top of her voice and I'd have stropped off long ago at his curmudgeonly behaviour.

Acinonyx · 10/12/2008 10:17

My mother couldn't tolerate noise. When I grew up and lived in shared houses I was so quiet no-one ever knew if I was in. She was very nervy altogether - very anxious with a hair-trigger temper.

What grumpy grandad! And only 48 - I'm 46, dh is 48, and my dd is 3. I must say though, that I have one or two old friends my age (childfree) who seem to have gone from 30 to 80 without passing go. Some people are just born old.

Original poster

mummyloveslucy · 10/12/2008 10:22

aww, thank you. The most thing my daughter has come out with was at nursery. She wasn't feeling very well, so her teacher, a rather large chested lady sat my daughter on her knee whyle she read a story. Apparently my daughter nestled her head against her chest and said "I love your boobies". When all the other children started laughing it made her cry.
She is so innocent though and meant, they are nice and comfy for my head.

OP posts:

Jux · 10/12/2008 11:17

Bloody hell I'm older than him! Time he tried a little unselfishness, tolerance, consideration and understanding. Has he been out in the street? Does he make the cars/trains keep quiet when he's passing? Don't take her. Tell him why.

Original poster

mummyloveslucy · 10/12/2008 11:47

Definatly.

OP posts:

TinselBaublesMistletoe · 10/12/2008 12:25

I just read the OP to my dad and he said he thought the granddad was in his 60s. He was shocked at the age and said the only answer is to deprive him of his granddaughter. He thinks he's going to be a lonely old man, he said leave them to be grumpy together.

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