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Original poster

regression with illness but think it is an excuse

88 replies

bumbly · 04/12/2008 21:34

my 16 month old has become utterally unbearable

what should have been a week at home has turned into compelte nightmare

thinking of giving it all p as a mum as a result

chicken pox def over and scabs formed now..but littleone still refuses to be clingy, disobedient like hell and always winging.....

also stopped eating - somerthing never had a problem with - have problem with everything else in his life but now this too

stopped blabbing

only wants milk or yogurt and only want me to read to him all day long

used to wash teeth didn't even do that

tongiht lost my rag for the unpteenth time and even hubby saying he is becoming difficult

i am usually a very calm perosn and so is hubby but what is going on with little one

he behaved impeccably today with grandparents - but minuite they left door he winged at me to read...whereas at grandparents he just takes book to them

i think he is taking advantage of me

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Notreallycutoutforthis · 04/12/2008 22:11

Bumbly - my DS was particularly horrible at about the same age, and only with me... Just had to keep breathing and telling myself that he behaved so well with others because he didn't trust them as much. Oh and gin helped . Is there a surestart anywhere near you? Definitely get to a playgroup, and maybe see if you can get a morning in nursery every week? Just get yourself some time and enjoy doing something/nothing with it...

Original poster
bumbly · 04/12/2008 22:12

that is exactly it!! only with me!!!!!

that is it you are so right...it is only with me!! hence my exhaustion

everyone else thinks he is an angel!!!

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DingDongMerrilyOnEI · 04/12/2008 22:13

bumbly i understand how it feels to be battling through each day with a difficult child and getting sick of hearing the whining believe me i do. as i said on your other thread my DD is almost 3 and she has been a very clingy whiny child since around 12 months old.
the thing is though children pick up on resentment and if that is how you are admittedly feeling then he will be able to tell and his smiles after the crying is undoubtedly him trying to please his mummy as at his age he still percieves himself to be a part of you and will feel it when you are not there he gets his confidence from you at this age and the further you push yourself while feeling like this the more risk there is of irrepairable damage to your long term relationship with him FWIW i think you do sound depressed and it is not a thing to be ashamed of in any way!! it is very important that you get this negativity out of your mind in connection with your son as he is still a baby and however much you may think he understands he most certainly doesnt! all he can see is his mummy pushing him away and he is whining for you to come back to him that has to be the most upsetting thing in the world IMO
i hope you get the help you need xx
xx ei xx

Notreallycutoutforthis · 04/12/2008 22:14

And you want to scream at them all don't you! I went to my first parent's evening at school this year and felt so un-maternal because the teacher was telling me how lovely he was and I was thinking 'but he's a scrote'!

A scrote I love more than life itself, obviously

wrinklytum · 04/12/2008 22:15

To me it sounds as if you are just feeling a bit uncertain about how you are "Reading" your ds.I also think you sound like you are exhausted.I have been thereLook at it as a phase.Pamper your LO for a few days,get outside for a walk at least once a day for a change of scenery.If you have done the nappy/food/play etc route and he is still crying try putting him down tosleep even if it is outside his normal sleep routine.Repeat "Its a phase" x 200.Don't fret if he only wants milk/yog at the mo.The appetite will return.If you can get a rest-go to bed and sleep! xxx

Original poster
bumbly · 04/12/2008 22:16

but i am there 24 hors well 20 hours for him i need to leave him a few mins for my own sanity and will cry no matter what!

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JumpingJellyfish · 04/12/2008 22:17

yes it can really take quite a while before appetite comes back after illness...just keep offering things especially finger foods which they often prefer at this age...

Maybe he is not able to clearly communicate yes and no when you ask him questions- perhaps try saying if you want to do this (e.g. have a drink, play with a lorry etc.) then show me and have the options "laid out" for him or find a way he can "ask"- e.g. if my DD wants to go outside and play she'll go to the back door and knock on it- often of course we can't do what she wants so I always explain if I can't do what she wants why I can't and then try distracting her with another fun activity such as drawing/stacking cups etc.

I'm sure by the sounds of it most of his behaviour now is due to being poorly. It can really take it out of them. (have you tried plonking him in front of Tellytubbies/Bob the Builder/In the Night Garden for twenty mins- sometimes great for making them rest when poorly though I'm not an advocate for too much telly honest!!) Good luck x

FattipuffsandThinnifers · 04/12/2008 22:17

Bumbly, just seen this thread, following your one from yesterday. I honestly can relate to some of what you're saying - my ds can be 'high maintenance' too and I have him full-time and sometimes feel I just want to walk away (I think I mentioned this yesterday). Your son's behaviour is not exceptional - some children are just more demanding/needy/difficult than others. It's not because he's spoilt - he just may be, unfortunately for you atm, not an easy child. He will improve, but in the meantime you need to find ways to cope and deal with it as you sound at breaking point

Can you take a break, even for a day? Can DH take a day off work to give you some respite, just go out, meet friends, spend time on your own, whatever - just to give you a break. Maybe even a weekend? A day or two away from him will help get things into perspective for you, as well as giving you some valuable time to yourself. It is so important.

Can you meet up with groups in your area, to try and meet other mothers with similar age children. I'm sure that might help too.

Notreallycutoutforthis · 04/12/2008 22:19

One thing I used to do when at tether's end was strap him firmly in buggy and go for long walk along noisy streets. He got fresh air (and better appetite/naps because of it) and I got the whinging drowned out

Original poster
bumbly · 04/12/2008 22:20

jelly - he doesnt like telly! prefers me to read books to him.........

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JumpingJellyfish · 04/12/2008 22:21

oooh and definitely second getting out for a walk/fresh air/playground at least once every day, even just for 20 mins. When my DCs are frying my head indoors they suddenly seem to morph into happy laughing cherubs once outside (especially if outside involves running about/jumping in puddles/making a mess/going on swings etc)!

It sounds like you do need more support and some time out for you- this is a really hard stage and it really can wear you down- be gentle on yourself. But it will pass- promise!

Notreallycutoutforthis · 04/12/2008 22:23

How is he with music? Might be worth trying a few different kinds to see what re-directs him or just calms him down... gives you a bit of extra head-space as well...

JumpingJellyfish · 04/12/2008 22:25

hmmm one of mine is obsessed by books. We have them all on a shelf she can access easily and I now tell her to read them herself or read them to her teddies if I'm busy (or else like you I'd be doing that all day!) It works sometimes!

Does he like baths/playing in water? I sometimes set down the sink bowl on the kitchen floor and let DD play with various cups/boats etc. in that which keeps her happy for 1/2 hr while I cook around her (and of course ends up with most of the water all over the kitchen floor which does my cleaning for me )

emma1977 · 04/12/2008 22:25

Have you had a look in his mouth?

He may have chicken pox ulcers (or HFM) which are causing pain, reluctance to feed properly and poor speech. I say this because my 11mo has just had HFM which made him exactly as you describe your ds.

JumpingJellyfish · 04/12/2008 22:26

oooh yes music's great- both mine love dancing about to nursery rhymes or any music really- which often improves mood. And love the whole nursery rhyme actions too.

wrinklytum · 04/12/2008 22:27

Oooh yes,quiet music is a great idea.DD has sn and the one thing she relates to really well is music. and for her birthday we got her a cheapo radio for her bedroom which is tuned to classic fm or r3 and it helps her settle.She also loves the In The Night Garden music.

controlfreakyhohohohohohoho · 04/12/2008 22:31

because, as i said, i was concerned about what you'd written here i looked at your nprevious posts bumbly. feel v sad for you and for your ds... you've clearly been finding things hard for a long time (on and off?). when he was only weeks old you were posting about feeling angry and shouting (cant remeber your exact words) at him and saying he didnt like you....
you have also had a lot of worries about his healkth / development.
i think you should seriously consider getting some support and help to improve things for you and for him.
am worried about you both.

lou031205 · 04/12/2008 22:37

Hi Bumbly,

Hope you are feeling a bit better for writing down how you feel.

One (small) suggestion is to start baby signing with your DS.

I find with my 15 month old that she can get very angry if I don't respond, but I have learned to reassure her LOTS that I know what she wants.

Eg. She is hungry. Instead of just thinking "I'll get her something to eat", I make sure I ask her (verbally) if she is hungry, even though I know she is, and then repeat it, and then tell her I'll get her something as I get it.

That way, she knows that I haven't forgotten when I walk away from her.

Re. the signing, start with basic ones like eat, which is just putting your fingers to your mouth, as if you are holding a biscuit, say, and say "food". So your DS could learn to show you what he wants, before he can tell you, and it will lead to less frustration for both of you.

snowcrystal · 05/12/2008 00:30

Hi there sorry had a tiring time with the baby ill and out of sorts.
Ittakes about 4 weeks to get energy back after ch.pox even in older ones of4 or 5.
He prob needs extra sleeps and is still off his food.
You are expecting too much and sound exasperated and low in confidence.
15 to 20 months is a v. busy age get as much sleep and help as you can,don't take his behaviour personally and remember he loves you and needs you a lot thats all.
Contact homestart for asupportive visitor who can support you a little bit

Original poster
bumbly · 05/12/2008 13:04

thanks so much for helpful coments - that si what i need

control - i don't need pity or someone feeling sorry for me

some people have it all - fmaily and friends to help - i don't so am finding things hard and beinbg honest about it that is all

for some reason my little one is always winging when in ym company and am trying to resolve things not feel guilty about it

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hedwig06 · 05/12/2008 13:18

Hi bumbly,
I was reading your thread, and thought I was seeing double - this is my little boy, hes 20 months old, he doesn't eat, doesn't sleep, moans, and cry's most of the day, wants me to read endless books, over and over again!!!

I thought I was the only one.

Someone suggested earlier on the posts, about a walk - it DOES WORK.

When I feel at the end of my tether or the sight of another book would send me over then edge, I just say thats it we are going out!!!

I have 4 kids, and have NEVER had a child like this. I am also a full-time mum and my partner works long hours, and although I have family they aren't child orientated so don't have their backup really either.

Chin-up and I will be reading the posts on your thread with some interest!! wink

beeny · 05/12/2008 13:25

Hi Bumbly others have offered good advice,look after yourself

Original poster
bumbly · 05/12/2008 13:29

thanks for that beeny and also hed am glad someone else is reading books non stop!!!!!!!!!! - only have a few mins day to melf like now and eve before huuby returns form work when little one sometimes sleeping

glad ma not alone!!!!

problem with wlaks is that it pours with rain a lot nowadays!!!

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may08 · 05/12/2008 13:29

Hi, just wanted you to know that you are not alone in how you feel. I have a very difficult 14 month old who screams and whinges alot unless I constantly take him out and about. Unlike yourself I have lots of help from my family but have still found it really hard to cope over the last 14months so its not suprising how you feel when you've been going it alone.

Dont feel bad about shouting or getting upset - its only natural. My little one was ill a couple of weeks ago and litterally did nothing but scream all day - I could do nothing to stop him and felt like such a failure that I'm not sure who ended up crying the most! I was convinced that he was just being even more whingey than normal but looking back I can see that he was just feeling really poorly. Things are getting a little better now that he can walk but I still have no confidence when I am on my own with him.

Just remember he loves you and needs you and I'm sure when he learns to communicate things will get better. I'm convinced its a boy thing!

Original poster
bumbly · 05/12/2008 13:30

may huge huge hugs to you!!!!!!!!!!!!!

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