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Original poster

regression with illness but think it is an excuse

88 replies

bumbly · 04/12/2008 21:34

my 16 month old has become utterally unbearable

what should have been a week at home has turned into compelte nightmare

thinking of giving it all p as a mum as a result

chicken pox def over and scabs formed now..but littleone still refuses to be clingy, disobedient like hell and always winging.....

also stopped eating - somerthing never had a problem with - have problem with everything else in his life but now this too

stopped blabbing

only wants milk or yogurt and only want me to read to him all day long

used to wash teeth didn't even do that

tongiht lost my rag for the unpteenth time and even hubby saying he is becoming difficult

i am usually a very calm perosn and so is hubby but what is going on with little one

he behaved impeccably today with grandparents - but minuite they left door he winged at me to read...whereas at grandparents he just takes book to them

i think he is taking advantage of me

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chunkychips · 04/12/2008 21:55

you must be knackered, sick dcs are so exhausting. Can the grandparents come over again and give you a rest?

Original poster
bumbly · 04/12/2008 21:55

no time away form him at all as had various illnesses b4 chicken pox too

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wrinklytum · 04/12/2008 21:55

And BREATHE It sounds like you are very tired,which is normal with a LO this age,but if he hasn't been well thwen I don't think he will be deliberately being awful.He doesn't have the words to tell you so crying is his outlet.My youngest is 3 and non verbal and I always know when she is poorly cos she is clingy and more screechy than usually.TBH His behaviour sounds normal for a toddler.If he is screaming LOADS have you tried putting him in his cot as a last resort?Sometimes when poorly they need more sleep and get overtired easily.Take care,Wrinkly xx

Original poster
bumbly · 04/12/2008 21:55

chunky think will get gps over but sometimes makes things worse when they leave cuz wants even mnore attention

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asdmumandteacher · 04/12/2008 21:55

my son had chicken pox at 9 months old and then started having fits and then developed autism at 17/18 months old - try to take a step back, get a break if you can and think - it could be worse

controlfreakyhohohohohohoho · 04/12/2008 21:55

... so now you're saying he has been like this for a few months, not just while has had chickenpox? . was he happy baby before that? have there been any big changes problems for any of you? are you serious when you say you're thinking of giving up as a mum? have you told dh this? have you told anyone else. if you are really struggling you need helkp and support before things get worse. life with a baby is hard but if you feel so desperate something needs to change. do you think you may have post natal depression? it doesnt just happen in first few months you know.

Original poster
bumbly · 04/12/2008 21:57

was chicken pox casue of autism? when did the fits develop..he is excetionally irritable since chicken pox

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TotalChaos · 04/12/2008 21:57

I think you need some regular time out - time ffor grown up activities - book group/gym/aerobics whatever - a break from all the mum stuff.

controlfreakyhohohohohohoho · 04/12/2008 21:58

was he a planned baby?

TheProvincialLady · 04/12/2008 21:58

Why has it taken this long for your dp to get 5 minutes of the whinging? Does he work long hours?

You definitely need a break...you do sound a bit irrational about your DS but that is understandable if you are never away from him. I would go mad if I never got a break from my DS.

Original poster
bumbly · 04/12/2008 21:59

never away form him and yes dp works veyr long hours and leaves 5 am eveyr day

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chunkychips · 04/12/2008 22:00

but hopefully you will be in a better frame of mind to deal with him if you have a rest. can you take him out for a walk, I know it's really cold at the moment, but wrap yourselves up and get out of the house for a bit. Perhaps he's just getting cabin fever. My dcs get really demanding and uncontrollable if they've been in for a few days.

asdmumandteacher · 04/12/2008 22:00

God knows if it was the cause - no one has any idea what the cause of autism is...its all a bloody nightmare

I hope this is not going to be your outcome and it is apparantly extrememly rare - my son sounds exactly like yours - but mine is 5.

I have no idea what caused the fits either - could have been chicken pos - could have been DTP injections - all i know is that i am not giving him MMR as apparantly you shouldn't give it if they have had fits

Just take a break from your boy if you can and put things into perspective if you can.

jimjamshaslefttheyurt · 04/12/2008 22:02

Is he having anything except milk? If he's really craving milk I would try switching to goats milk and also give probioitics.

DS3 changed enormously when we switched to goats milk at 16 months.

Original poster
bumbly · 04/12/2008 22:03

teacher big squeezy hugs for you!!

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wrinklytum · 04/12/2008 22:03

Yes you need to look after YOURSELF too.It is very hard doing it all on your own,and we all have bad days,can your parents/in laws have him and give you a break so you can get some rest.Parenthood can be hard work some days xxxxx

asdmumandteacher · 04/12/2008 22:04

and you

Original poster
bumbly · 04/12/2008 22:04

and to you wrinkly

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neolara · 04/12/2008 22:04

My dd aged 4 has just had chicken pox. She went back to school on Tuesday but at home she is still being "weak and pathetic" - crying, mini tantrums, whinging. I think she is still recovering from being ill.

It is hideous when children whinge and scream, but I think in your case it might be best to humour your ds for the next few days / week. If he is still behaving like this is ten days time, it might be worth having a rethink.

In the meantime, can you take him to toddler groups so you at least get time outside the house and the chance to have an adult conversation?

Just noticed that you said his behaviour has been pretty bad for months. My 23 month old ds is pretty high maintance. He is improved immensely as his language has got better and he is able to communicate his needs better. Up until now, I've had to pander to his needs pretty instantaneously or he went bananas. As he has got older, he has seemed to get less intense. I found the book Toddler Taming by Christopher Green very helpful. It's very pragmatic.

controlfreakyhohohohohohoho · 04/12/2008 22:05

what happens when you "lose your rag" with him?

Original poster
bumbly · 04/12/2008 22:06

high maintenance is my little one too!

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Original poster
bumbly · 04/12/2008 22:06

high maintenance is my little one too!

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Original poster
bumbly · 04/12/2008 22:07

raise my voice

no worries control I dont go and hit him or anything like thAT...just a say a few phrases like come on dont misbehave and he does understand me btw

i feel so guilty about raising my voice but that is all i do

so no mumsnet piolice for me please

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JumpingJellyfish · 04/12/2008 22:08

I have a 17 month old who can be just like this when unwell- even if no clear signs of illness (but I know most us when coming down with for instance a cold feel awful but other people wouldn't be able to tell). It is hard work and exhausting- but it is "just a phase"- they do grow out of it/feel better. The whinging as everyone said is their only way of communicating that they feel poorly/are hungry/thirsty/tired. In a few months once speech develops it does get easier in this sense. Also he is at an age where he wants to assert his independence even though cannot do very much independently (especially when poorly)- which is very frustrating for them.
Have you tried asking him what he wants by asking him questions such as "would you like some toast?", "would you like to play with water?", "would you like to go outside for a walk?/go to the swings?" etc. as they then feel they can "take charge" of what is going on around them and will certainly be able to make it clear whether or not he wants to do any of these things (sorry if this all sounds condascending as I really don't mean it to be...I just know from experience with my firstborn I underestimated how much he understood and wanted to take charge of his environment when he was this age, so trying to make it a bit easier for my secondborn and me this time round!)

How often does your little man get snacks? I often underestaimte how often I need to offer food/drink to my DD- she basically needs something to eat every couple of hours at least while awake. Are his daily routines regular e.g. nap times, meal times etc? Does he sleep well at night for around 12hrs straight? I think tiredness can make whinging so much worse and often illness messes up how well they've slept...

It really will get better but do try to keep looking at things from his point of view- even when you are exhausted. He is not being manipulative- he's too young for that. Also I really recommend Christopher Green's "Toddler Taming" book which really helped me the first time we went through this stage...(see: here)

Make sure you get some time off for your sake too occasionally that's not just being at work.

Original poster
bumbly · 04/12/2008 22:09

jelly thanks -

well usualyl naps ok and snacks and sleeps so so never 12 hours but 10 straight

now not eating etc but could still be ill ok

re the questions that is exactly what i do...but when i tlak to him he seems ot get even more frustrated!!!!! honest!

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