Bad parents evening!

[Punnet]

Had our second parents evening with our DS 5yr old last night. Oh hell! Brightest kid in year group, yep we knew that but as they don't even give 90% of the kids books with words in yet I don't think half the kids have had a chance to show what they can do. In class, like a dream. Out of class- no hope. Pinches, pushes, out of control sly (their word) liar if confronted. They have put him in a special social awareness class, but it concentrates on classroom skils which aren't an issue. Wasn't happy with much of the school (Teacher spells 'knew' 'new'!!). years ago, DS referred to Paeds for possible aspergers but playschool wrote and said we were just over protective, great kid. Now school wants a re-referral, which took two years last time! Also, they said he has no 'joy'- says he loves things like storytellers but doesn't jump up and down and show it, rarely smiles. They have written unhappy? on his file which upset me. I don't think he is, I just think that although he is confident he is an introvert. I don't know how to handle the playground stuff though, he has been like that for years and we have got nowhere- only happy if he has structured activity, although is creative.

Esp. worried as possibly moving soon (I fired a late application off to UCAS two days ago), will this affect a new school accepting him? Will moving him from a non-challenging environment help or hinder?

It's very possible he's just bored - easy to happen in reception especially if he had lots of pre-school education. If the school was so concerned, surely they shouldn't have waited for parents'evening. Personally I would never trust a teacher who doesn't check spelling on documents going home. A new school may be just what you all need.

My ds1 has a few issues in the playground too. He is autistic (though I'm not suggesting that your ds is). He's not too bad in the classroom as it's very structured and he likes to follow 'the rules' and knows what he should be doing. Out in the playground there is little structure and this is where the problems can start. Lining up to come back inside is the biggest problem he has outside. He likes to be in control and dictate who should stand where. When children don't comply he gets angry and frustrated and lashes out. He has also had to be taught how to play properly.

Like your ds he has special social classes where he is taught social skills. Another thing that we have found that really helps is something called "Social Stories". These are specially-written short stories that set out the way that things are usually done. They are mainly designed for autistic children but may work with your ds too.

I sent ds in with abook today called Franklins New Friend, as it is about friendship and they are concerned he has only one friend (they said he shouldn't play with him as he is a bad influence, but this kid has no other friends as English is not his first language and is away a lot- not sure if sick or abroad. Discussed with ds, felt whole school blanking this kid unacceptable, ds has said he'd like to say 'I still love you but I can only play with you when you're not naughty, which i am REALLY proud of). Anyway, teacher refused to look at book- too busy.

At evening, teacher mentioned that friends child also attends group. Friend didn't know, so I knew 2 HOURS before that her daughter was getting help! That's not acceptable is it? Last parents evening, school announced to friend that they had refferred her DS for help, as they had been monitoring her for dyspraxia for months. Shouldn't they maintain better contact than that?

I think Aspergers might be an issue, but when I mentioned it to school, they said 'mm, might be, let us know if you hear anything'. SO helpful!

Oh yes, Sam has had a good pre-school ed- Montessori.

Punnet, I've had similar problems with my ds (now 6). Although my HV has been supportive of my concerns for the past four years, she's been unable to do much about it because of lack of input from other areas - our pre-school also made no comment about J and Reception class last year was a disaster, so ther has been no recognition of his problems.

We're now in the middle of J's second assessment in as many years, but rather than wait for school to do anything we've done it ourselves. HV has made referrals on our behalf to Child and Family Psychiatry and the wheels are now moving. What I'm saying is, you don't have to wait for school to acknowledge your ds's problems - you know him better than anyone else so if you're concerned, see your GP or HV and get a referral. J has now been diagnosed with AS and school have started the statementing process and placed him on their SN register, and we're on the way to getting him the help he needs.

Thanks.

I am going to see Dr next week. School have suddenly started being amazingly suportive now they know I am not going to go into denial and cause problems (my friends daughter has Dyspraxia, and they decided it was the school picking on her). Next week they are off to Church to learn about Easter, so I am going to join in and observe (I've applied to do RE at uni anyway so it might be handy) how Sam behaves. The only problem now is that he seems to be lapping up all the extra attention; he has ben a nightmare today, running around, flapping and making pigeon sounds which is something he did as a three year old. I have also noticed a dip in his hearing; Sam has 50% vision and last time he was tested his hearing was borderline and they decided not to do anything (ENT don't talk to Optometry). I'm wondering if that has exacerbated things?

Punnet, I'm finding I have to be very careful about how much attention I give to J, as he's not averse to a bit of manipulation if he can get away with it. We don't talk about his situation in front of him, other than when we have 'chats' about the nice doctor who is trying to find out why he has certain difficulties and will help him with them once she's worked it out. The one thing I have said to him is that having 'difficulties' is no excuse for behaviour that he knows is wrong. It's a very fine line but we are beginning to know the difference.

It's also possible that your ds could be picking up on your own tensions about what's happening too. Think you're right to see the GP, air a few concerns.

I attended Sam's class today to observe (officially to help walk to church). I couldn't believe it! Sam's glasses broke yesterday so he is back to 50% vision, and he does have impaired hearing. Yet they sat him at the back. He din't get a chance to join in with any of the activities as by the time they had chosen the children, he had only just heard and raised his hand. He also wasn't given the chance of who to walk with- they just put with a special needs girl. All the other boys walked with bo
ys and girls with girls- you know how 5 year olds are. And the Class Assistant watched thempointedly like a hawk, despite them both being the best beahved.

I sat in Church trying not to cry- it was obvious he wasn't being given a chance.

And this morning I had a letter accepting my ds2 into the same class next year. Praying the UCAS comes through!!!

Punnet - That's truly awful!

Is the school SENCO an approachable person? I would definitely want to take this further. Could you take some information in to the school to outline the basics of what they should be doing? eg not being sat at the back of the room, having someone to make sure that he has heard and understood the teacher etc.

The school SENCO doesn't seem to have much inpiut outside his weekly social skills session. Our friend whose daughter has dyspraxia knows her well, but they are purely focused on getting her dry through the day; a convenience thing? We do both feel that our children have been singled out as being different- I hate to say it but the other child getting this is Chinese. The teacher isn't too approachable, we're all scared of her and she really didn't seem interested in putting DS1 at the front of the class- 'might be worth thinking about' was the reply I got, despite noting it on his admission form a year ago.

I am going to take DS1 to doctor; I was going to ask for referral back to Paeds, which I may do at some point in the future, but my interest now is his hearing; from borderline he is now not hearing unless you look him directly in the eye. The trouble is, with a class of 31 children, of whom DS1 is one of only two or three that are learning to read and concentrate, what chance is there for a kid who can't hear? I'm not sure what to do, and I'm not sure they're interested beyond him causing trouble in the playground.