19mo DD seems terrified of sleeping in her cot

[ellymae]

I know there's another thread about babies waking up crying and screaming during the night but my DD is a little different in that she starts screaming as I try and put her in her cot.

This has been going on now for nearly a week and I just don't know what to do. I have tried holding her til she's asleep but the minute I try and move she's wide awake and clinging on to me. She will fall asleep within minutes of being put on our bed to sleep but again even as much as an hour later she will be wide awake if you try and move her. Right now she is having her afternoon nap on my bed, with piles of pillows all around so she won't fall off.

She has always been an excellent sleeper and can usually settle herself to sleep which makes me wonder if she has been scared by something?

She does have a slight cold with a bad cough which isn't helping and for that reason I am happy to going along with comforting her as the crying makes her cough worse and she sounds like she's going to be sick. But I am worried that I am storing up all sorts of problems for when she gets better

Has anyone else been through this and got any suggestions as to how we can calm her down and keep her in her cot? I'm not sure controlled crying is appropriate at the moment but of course I could be wrong!

I have been through this at a similar age with my daughter who had always previously been a fantastic sleeper, however I'm slightly ashamed to say that I caved in and let her sleep in our bed until she calmed down a bit. She still won't actually go to sleep in her own bed (she's 2.2) but at least I can move her once she's asleep. Sorry, that wasn't very comforting. Hope your DD gets the hang of sleeping alone very soon.

I couldn't have done controlled crying as DD was literally banging her head on the cot until she had a huge purple bruise and I just couldn't take it. Co-sleeping people I know tell me that their children have started to prefer their own beds around 3ish so I'm hoping that's the case with us.

Hi - my DD is the same age. She is all out of routine at the moment for a number of reasons and going to sleep is problematic. I'm determined to get her back into the habit of falling asleep in her cot and so last night I actually slept in her cot with her until 1am when I snuck out (with very sore knees from sleeping scrunched up in the cot) and went back to bed. She woke at 5am and came in with us from then.

Am prepared to sleep in with her for a few more nights if it convinces her that it is an OK place to go to sleep.

God, lulu, well done you. I was far too selfish to even consider it, not to mention that I'm not sure I'd have fitted! Are you teeny tiny?! Actually, during this whole cot-refusal process, we turned DD's cotbed into a bed - several people told me that this had worked for their DCs. That might be something to consider, elly.

I'm now thinking I ought to try getting at least partly into the bed with DD and seeing if that helps.

No - definitely not teeny tiny - I'm 5 months pregnant with a distinct bump!

I don't think we could do the bed thing - she wouldn't stay in there.

Ellymae if it is any consolation I do usually find that I can get DD back into a routine with a bit of perseverance - even if it means resorting to crazy stuff like getting in the cot with her. But if her usual routine is disrupted for a night or two (whether by travelling, illness or whatever) it takes me at least a week to get her back into a rythym (sp!) and get her 'trusting' her cot again.

That said, I am lazy too and do allow her to sleep in with me more often than I ought to, which doesn't help. She sleeps better in our bed but she's a nigthmare fidgeter so we end up shattered and in the long run it is worth the effort to persuade her to sleep in her own cot. But sometimes I find I will do just about anything for a bit of shut-eye.

thanks guys, its always good to know you are not alone with these things!

Well call me weak but tonight as she is still poorly we decide not to even try and put her in her own bed, instead I took her into ours where after a while she nodded off. My DH is out for a couple of hours and so I'm now relying on the pillows again to keep her on the bed. Hopefully when he gets back later she will be deeply enough asleep that he can move her back to the cot.

I know its not ideal but we all know when we need an easy life and tonight I just want her to get some quiet sleep for a couple of hours. I could also do with a break from an upset toddler!

I will definitely try and persevere again with putting her in the cot although I doubt very much I'd be able to get into hers (what brilliant thinking though lulu!) let alone get out...

Yes, an easy life is well worth having. On the other hand, that is what has got me into this ridiculous situation where I have to lie down in our bed with DD and not budge until she is asleep (because otherwise cries of 'Oh Oh OH, where WHERE WHERE is MY MUMMY?' echo through the house. Followed shortly after by sobbing and headbanging. It's not quite really a tantrum or I'd be meaner. It's sadder than that.

I think I am a soft touch.

You know, thinking about the cot thing, I think it would be way easier to get in with a cot that had a drop side. Ours didn't and I'm now thinking that was a mistake. Next time I might well consider a drop side cot for this very reason.

Hope the cot transfer thing works okay tonight, elly.

Whenever I suggest to DD that sleeping in her own bed might be something she might want to do in the future, it causes a terrible storm of tears (real ones not silliness). Even pictures of other babies going to sleep alone in their cots seem to really upset her. I do hope the thing about them preferring their own beds around 3 years old is true.

She could be ill? Or coming down with something?

Or...

Perhaps it's developemental? Like before she was too "dim" (in the nicest sense of the word ) to realise that "mummy putting me in the cot means she's going to leave me".

And now she's bright enough to realise "if you yell loudly and cling on you don't have to let mummy go".

Good for her. Shows she's working the world out and understands how to get what she needs.

Sadly that leaves you in a bit of a difficult position!