Help....I love my 14 month DS too bits but constant crying and whinging is driving me literally insane!

[OlaMamas]

Have been on here before moaning about my DS. Was always a whiney babe who cried all the time. Put it down to colic....didn't pass. Thought it would be better once crawling.... not to be.... better once walking..... WORSE if anything! So unlike my eldest son now 3....who although is now extremely trying... was a fab baby.... almost text book!!!! My comeuppance????? Anyway...had to convince hubby to have 2nd and although I DO love him toooooo bits... he has and is putting a massive strain on our relationship and making me feel anger which I know is not healthy! NOT that I would ever harm him... I know I have shouted at him today and need to remind myself he is only 14 months! I just crave a day off to sleep!!! Does anyone feel the same or have words of wisdom to help????

Poor you, I know that whining is enough to send me off the deep end as it just grates and grates! I found myself shouting
at my DD who is 19 months old the other day and telling her to not be so childish .... hmmm, a few hours of whining can do your head in and by the sounds of it you have it every day all day.

I am told it gets better when they can talk and you can reason with them to a point. Are you able to put them in a creche at the local gym or sports center and go for a steam or sauna or similar? An coupld of hours off each week for just you might help?

Thankyou BlueBumedFly just for responding.... Get rest days Thursday and Friday and some Wednesdays when I go to work.... but always thought i'd be looking forward to days off rather than days at work! Just finding it so hard at the moment but need to keep giving my head a wobble as to how lucky I am to have them!

I'm still shouting after 13 years!

They will trade the whining for something else.....actually, thinking about it, they still whine.

I always said that I wouldn't be a shouty mum; how wrong I was.

It is hard, but things will change. Little children don't stay the same. However, I do find that the crosser I get, the more they whine and wind me up.

Get as much rest as you can. Can dh help a bit more maybe? And don't feel guilty about looking forward to going to work. I find myself NOT looking forward to the school holidays, because as much as I adore them, being with them 24/7 can get on everyones nerves. I'm sure I get on their nerves too.

Do you think he's in pain? You hear of babies/children who have suffered from terrible headaches and nobody knew until they saw a cranial person (sorry, I've forgotten the correct term).

Have always felt like a neurotic mum having every little thing checked out.... although in fairness more with DS1 than my DS2 the whiney one! Just had DS1 diagnosed with tonsillitus today and am thinking and hoping and I know thats awful..... but maybe ds1 had that last week when he was particularly whiney.... and we haven't got it to come???? I constantly put it down to teething, colds, tiredness, not sleeping, jabs....... Frustrations.... When do you get to the point that actually they are just unhappy for NO reason! At the end of my tether! Have thoughts I never thought I'd have.... My hubby didn't want a second... I talked him into it.... but life has NEVER been so hard! I love him to bits..... But if I knew now what I needed to know then would I have had him?????? Not sure.... However probably YES! Could be the end of me and DH tho!!!!

DD2 was like this Ola. Shock to the system after having DS and DD1 who were both happy gurgly babies who just slept and ate.

It does pass. DD2 is 2.2 now and such a happy funny little thing.

If he sleeps, try sleeping when he does even if its during the day. Everything seems much worse when you're tired.

My 16 month old dd2 has been like this from day one oldmamas. DD1 was a fab baby too and a fantastic (mummy may be biased!) 4 year old now.

DD2 cried all the time when tiny, tried everything to make her happy. Cranial osteopathy, soya milk, gaviscon, gripewater, colief- the list goes on and nothing changed.

She is now walking and is pretty much as bad as ever. Her constant crying and grizzling drives me slowly bonkers but I do try and ignore it.

She cries at pretty much nothing and wont even go in a pushchair without crying to get out. Only just got her used to the car for very short journeys.

I have posted on here a few times too but have come to the conclusion that some babies are just bad tempered and frustrated. Not much I can do but try and stay sane but it is hard when it affects us all so horribly.

We are all suffering, expecially dd1 which is so unfair but I know it will end, apparently.

Not much use to you but wanted to let you know you arent alone. I have been known to shout a fair bit too, even at dd1 who is never really any trouble but the whining from dd2 just gets too much.

Just bumping for you incase any of the evening mums have any advice!!!!!!!!!

The amount of times I have nearly started this thread about ds2 (17 months). You all sound as if you are describing him exactly (especially you thisisthelast, in fact if you weren't talking about a dd I would think that maybe I name changed and posted without realising!).
I agree that I think some children are just born more challenging. DS2 is my third and he is so much harder than the other 2. Some days I get quite down at the constant demands, the tantrums and the sheer hardwork. I know that every minute he is awake and I am with him I cannot rest. He even interrupts me on mn!!!
I live in hope that alot of his behaviour is born of frustration. He does seem much more aware and capable then I remember the other 2 being at this age. I hope that when he can talk and do more for himself he will feel happier.
My advice would be try not to get too overwhelmed, I know that some days I stop seeing the lovely, funny side of Ds2 because I have been so worn down by him.
Maybe we should start a support thread for each other because I also truly believe unless you have had a demanding child it is hard to really understand what it is like.
I once posted in despair about DS2 when he was a baby and somone said that he sounded like a Truly Awful Baby and that unless you have had one you can't understand.

Totally agree with with Charliesweb. Try not to get too wound up as it will make you focus on the bad. My ds is still rather challenging. He tantrums over nothing, usually through frustration I suspect. He constantly seems happy with his ability dispite the fact that he is actually not slow with his development. He was walking before his birthday and I do think he got better once he had mastered it but now instead on the constant carrying him around and not being able to sit with him, we have the endless tantrums over things he can't reach or is not supposed to have.

I love him so much but I do still think that other people with babies his age (15 months) would just think he was horrendous.

He gets bored very easily, still seems very sensitive to things. It is hard wor but like Charlieweb I do hope it will get better as he learns to talk. hopefully! He is easier than he was but more difficult in different ways if that makes sense?!

sorry seems UNHAPPY with his ability (I think that must have been wishfull thinking!)

Just had two days at work... and despite Tonsillitus in my DS1- so sleepless nights with him and the usual early crying wake up call of DS2 around 5 ish.... feel slightly calmer than I did when I last posted.... So reassuring to know there are others out there with such difficult babies. It has got to the point where I can't bring myself to meet up with what I know is a fab and supportive group of mums and babes, with many around the same age of both of mine as I have found myself making sooo many excuses for his whining just so they don't think what an awful baby that it has got embarrassing! DS1 is also one of the only boys of his age in the group and I would never have believed the difference! But his rather boisterous behaviour inevitably ends up with one of my friends little girls in tears. They are always brilliant about it but after a public melt down at a play area a few weeks ago (obviously induced by lack of sleep) I have stayed away and hibernated in the house! Which with my two is not a fun experience! Know that my friends are understanding..... but there's always that knowledge and thought they'll be going home saying what a nightmare my children are!!!! Crikey.... I used to be a sane, rational person once!

My dd (also 2nd baby) is EXACTLY the same - colic until 13 weeks, first TEETH at 14 weeks (what was that about?), no better when crawling or walking. She is a limpet baby, and some days she drives me MENTAL...

...but. I have found that if I don't try to do too much housework etc, and play with her/read her stories and go to loads of toddler groups where there are interesting/new toys, then she's fine. Slowing everything down and taking it easy has improved everything, and I actually find her crossness quite funny.

Oh, and I've been filming her recently to show her when she's older that she was a complete shocker.

cranial-osteopathy might help. Also read Superpowers for parents by Stephen Briers- understanding a bit about how their brains work helps. Good luck

oh don't have advice. but just wanted to give you a hug. my 17 months old is whinge princess and I know exactly how you feel. Actually a even a half a day off will do you good! Can't you leave him with DH half a day and do something with your DS1 alone? It works a treat and anger will go.

Glad you feel a little more positive about it. Please don't feel you have to hibernate! It really is not good for you or them. I got to the point when ds was younger when it was just so much hard work going t omeet up with anyone and ds cried in the pushchair or car so I just became a recluse. It seriously damaged my mental health. Being 'imprisoned' with a screaming/ winging baby was just unbearable, far worse than having to put Joe in the sling and just tell people the truth that he was just grumpy! I have now started to reconnect with people and actually reached out to my family again who I shut myself away from as I was so scared what they'd all think of ds. He is a lot happier going to toddler groups, I am far more relaxed and he does cry a lot less because of this. Believe me I worried so much about what people thought about my son and his behaviour but now I do try and just think, I don't care what they think. He is MY son and OK he's strong willed and a little power mad, but he's MINE and I wouldn't change him. I really do think that whingey, difficult babies are just very strong minded and know what they want but can't express it. It will get easier. xxx

Hi OlaMamas, what you describe about crying a lot, comparing your ds2 unfavorably with almost everyone else's baby who all seem more easygoing sounds a lot like my 2 dcs. My ds is now 2.3 and there is still a 50-50 chance he will meltdown at a restaurant before we get our main course and dh or I will take turns to eat while the other tries to calm him down outside.

Anyway, some babies are difficult by temperament. Would you ds2 have these traits per chance: high needs baby

It helped to know that there were other babies out there just like mine (esp with dd who was my first) when almost every other baby seemed so placid and content.

God you talk sense meandjoe! Just feel such a failure! Waited 5 years to become a mum after getting to the depths of despair with investigations and consultants. Was so happy when it happened. Had horrendous birth with DS1 which resulted in PND. Didn't think I could admit to it as everyone expected me to be so happy! (which I was) Decided for 2nd would have planned section and all would be rosey! Birth was.... just seem to have lost all coping mechanisms! Do have a really supportive Dad who is so laid back he's horizontal who sails through a day with them alone unaffected by DS2's wingeing! Makes it hard to admit to just how hard I really find it! So sorry to go on! Hate feeling sorry for myself with the poor me poor me thing! Especially as step sister recently had a stillbirth and I know she'd give her right arm to have the moans I've got! How odd I can spill my guts to a load of strangers and can't say any of this to my friends who I am so close toXXX

Thanks for the "High Needs Baby" link Blue shoesX My DS2 hits every criteria!!!

I felt so protective and yet a bit ashamed as DS was so much whingier than my friends' babies (all docile lovely little girls naturally) that I avoided meeting up with them too. He was very very very demanding and still is in lots of ways, but is so very loving with it.

Since about 15 months when he got really confident on his feet and started to talk things have improved dramatically, he is such a happy fantastic chap and has really come on. A break through may be just around the corner for you....

Lets hope so... thanks for that. May even risk a get together next week!!! Watch this space! However the glass of wine is helping with the confidence!

I'ev just read that high needs list and I think it is telling that the baby illustrating the first point is called George. In fact I think it might be George that they are talking about.

He won't wean off the breast (20 months) and still wakes at least once a night. In fact he hits every criteria - I could have written that about him, if I had that lovely man's knowledge and insight that is....

Bet he continued snoring whilst his wife got up though!!!!!!! LOL

LOL!

I know it's hard when it feels like all your friends have it so easy. I still can't go out for a meal at a restaraunt with ds as after 5 moinutes he'd be bored in a highchair an just want to run about exploring! He is just very inquisitive but clingy all at the same time! It is difficult to explain but I can kind of understand it as we sit there and the only reason we aren't bored is because we can talk to eachother around the table, he can't do that!

I have read one of dr Sears books and Joe hits all the criteria except the sleeping at night, for some reason (teething and separation anxiety excluded) he has always had the amazing ability to sleep through the night. Getting him to nap is another story though! I have been known to drive around for an hour just with him asleep in the back so I don't have to have a meltdown!

Is your ds OK in the pushchair? If so, I'd get out and about as much as possible! Just a trip to the local tesco can make me feel like I've at least acheived something! He used to be awful in the buggy though si that wasn't always an option!

It will get better. xxxxxxxxxx

DD was like this, and now at 3.2, she is much MUCH better. She is still quite sensitive, but there is no more whining and she has actually started playing on her own occasionally and for 5-10 minutes

What changed the tide was learning to talk - now that she can express her myriad wishes, and understands when I say "Mummy will do that once she is finished doing this". The downside is that she talks or sings all the time.

Part-time nursery from 18 months onwards (6 hours per week) also helped enormously. There, she built up her self-confidence and learned that she didn't really have to be on top of next to me all the time.