Help....I love my 14 month DS too bits but constant crying and whinging is driving me literally insane!

[OlaMamas]

Have been on here before moaning about my DS. Was always a whiney babe who cried all the time. Put it down to colic....didn't pass. Thought it would be better once crawling.... not to be.... better once walking..... WORSE if anything! So unlike my eldest son now 3....who although is now extremely trying... was a fab baby.... almost text book!!!! My comeuppance????? Anyway...had to convince hubby to have 2nd and although I DO love him toooooo bits... he has and is putting a massive strain on our relationship and making me feel anger which I know is not healthy! NOT that I would ever harm him... I know I have shouted at him today and need to remind myself he is only 14 months! I just crave a day off to sleep!!! Does anyone feel the same or have words of wisdom to help????

Hello all!
I am really enjoying this thread I think this kind of honesty is exactly what mums with our sort of children need. I have often looked longingly at other peoples babies sitting happily in their pushchairs watching the world go by. (Tbh DD was like this after the extreme 24 hour colic she had until 14 weeks). Some days I start to feel like a broken record telling people (including dh) how hard ds2 is and how tired I am. I feel like a right moany cow! But after Dds colic I promised myself that I wouldn't lie about what is going on. I realised that I had been smiling and saying the right things when people asked how I was, but on the inside I felt like I was screaming "Help me can't you see I am not coping!!!"

Charliesweb, did you used to be called charliemama or have I got the wrong person?! (probably have!)

Anyway, I know what you mean about lying and saying everything's fine. i don't do this now cos for the first 10 months of my son's life i just had to hide away for fear anyone heard him crying and discovered the truth! I was a mess. I think it does help just telling people and talkng about it. So many people have dilusions of what babies are like and that they only cry when they are hungry. I think if people knew that ones like my ds existed then there would be a far smaller population. lol!

He was a miserable swine from the moment he was born, he was rarely content. Really only improved when he got walking but he is a lovely boy now. Still very high maintanence and very sensitive. Cries more than most if he doesn't get his own way but I really think he's frustrated at not being able to say what he wants and not understanding when I say 'just wait a minute i'm just doing this'! He is a total whinger when tired and the second the pushchair stops moving that's his cue to whinge to get out. If I see people in town I can rarely talk for more than 2 minutes before having to dash off [sigh]....

Could be worse though, he was an awful little baby. I couldn't do anything right for him except walk around with him on my shoulder all day showing him things, he would NEVER be put down and never even let me sit down with him. He is pretty good at entertaining himself noe, thank God!!

I was charliemama. I am gobsmacked anybody recognised me! (I hope it's for a good reason.

DS2 has been quite cheerful the last couple of days. He still likes my full and undivided attention. One of the things that drives me insane is that he is never so demanding for anyone else. I keep reassuring myself that it must be because he loves me so much.
He is really starting to want to communicate and it is sweet when he takes me places to show me what he wants.

I remember the carrying around stage only to well meandjoe. Ds2 seemed happier outside (still does actually) and I used to pace up and down our garden path with him over my arm. I had long chats to people on the phone, something i can't do now as it seems to be a cue for all 3 dcs to start wnating me and makinhg a lot of noise!!!

Just read your profile btw (ds looks gorgeous). I am a teacher (Primary) do you know what age you want to teach?

Thanks again all... your messages and honesty are all really comforting and I have actually had a really good today and drew on a lot of advice given! Think I only started to lose it once or twice today which is far better than my once or twice an hour which it so commonly is!!! Just hope we've not unintentionally found an undiagnosed link between difficult babes and being a primary school teacher!!!!!! YikesX

Aww thank you charliesweb, I think he's gorgeous too!!!

Ahhh I thought it was you by the description of ds2. I seem to remember stalking your posts when your ds was younger as he was just starting to improve when I discovered mumsnet and my ds was at his worst. It gave me a bit of hope as they sounded so similar. I even went on your postnatal thread once and you thanked everyone on there for helping you through the awful early days (I really was stalking you !) I always wondered how you were doing now so it's lovely to hear from you!

So strange as I can remember August to October last year getting ds all wrapped up and pacing up and down our garden path until it was his bedtime. The days were so hideous that it still makes me sad and I feel terribly guilty for not enjoying him (not that there was much to enjoy!).

Glad your ds2 has been a bit happier lately. My ds seems OK but has got a bad cold and a chesty cough at the minute so has been very clingy.

I want to teach primary age children too, preferably age 9-11. Do you enjoy the teaching? Please be honest!!! Really sorry for hijacking the thread btw, i just can't believe I'm talking to charliemama lol!

x posted with oldmamas! Glad you feel you've had a better day. I only felt a bit peed off after ds' nap when he was just whinge whinge whinge and i must admit I did tell him to 'shurrup!' but then I felt bad cos he was pobably just feeling a bit crap cos of his cold. Oh heck, another primary teacher, perhaps I should change my career plans so that my next dc is an angel! I think I'll write a book about foul babies instead, lol!

It's really good to hear that things are a better for you OlaMamas. I was gutted going back to work after DS1 and dd but I think with Ds2 it has actually helped both of us (namely that I haven't run out of the house screaming and left him to fend for himself!!!).
We all share so many of the same feelings. I think when you become a mother you are also given a huge plate of guilt with your baby. How you feed them, where they sleep, pram/sling, how much you interact with them... I could go on. Then to top all of that if you have a demanding baby the guilt sky rockets. I have 2 close friends with dcs the same age as my eldest and there have been times when I have looked at their lives getting easier as their dcs grow and become more independent and wondered if we should have gone for no. 3. I hate myself for having these thoughts. I love ds2 passionatly. At least I know that on this thread I can admit these thoughts and know that you understand.

meandjoe i am so excited that you recognise me. I feel quite the celebrity!

I currently teach Reception. I started in y1 but have taught across Ks1 and 2. Training is hard. especially thses days because there are lots of boxes to tick and standards to prove you have met, which means you have to be scrupulous with your paperwork.
My honest answer to do I like teaching is...
I love teaching. It is a great job which never bores me. However, I do get pissed off with the paperwork, the things that are assumed eg that you can attend the out of school events eg performances, fetes etc with no extra pay. The holidays are great if you have kids, but during term time the work load can be daunting. I job share and teach 2 days a week, I have to confess I never want to go back to full time teaching. But the pay is, I think, really good.
Did any of that make sense?

Sounds brilliant. I think the pay seems really good too and I really am looking forward to it. Thanks for the inside information lol!

Glad I made you feel like a celeb for a day! I think the thread I mainly stalked you on was the sleep is for the weak reunited thread but I could be wrong, i stalked so many threads!

Anyway, I'm glad that we all have somewhere we can be honest. It is tough smiling and making out tha things are fine. Motherhood seems one wave of guilt and worry after another sometimes but for some reason it is socially unacceptable to admit that! As much as I adore ds I often wondered for the first 10 months whether we'd made a huge mistake. I feel guilty for it but it's true, it's so much hard work!

Just to clarify with those in the thread that said it is now easier.... HOW OLD WERE THEY???? Had a good weekend...but was tested this eve with a trip for tea at the pub with 15 family and those connected with..... Fed DS2 constantly but many hairy gonna flip moments!!!!! However on the whole the best weekend I have had for a VERY LONG TIME!!!!! purely I think down to the fact that I am not alone in thinking the stuff I have thought and that there is others out there who sound like I thought I was intelligent, rational women who are also able to lose all rationality due to a demanding babe!

Great that you had a good weekend ola!!!! How very brave of you taking your ds out for a meal, I am very proud of you lol!!! I tend to avoid situations like that like the plague! I know that ds will not sit in a high chair and will just want to charge about exploring everything, then want to be cudlled, then wriggle off to trash the place! Poor Joe has a very bad cold and chesty cough so has been a miserable, tantruming little beggar today but I know he's ill so I have tried to remain calm but after all that crying my ears are ringing . I am taking him to doctors tomorrow cos I really don't want it to turn into a chest infection.

You sound a lot happier though which is great news . That;s the great thing about mumsnet that you always find out that someone else is or has been through the same thing and I found that so reassuring when ds was a terror. It was so nice that I didn't have to feel guilty for admitting I was struggling!

God mine's the same. 14 months old and always complaining about something! Especially from 4pm-6.30pm - that time is just hell on earth as I try to get dinner ready, keep her placated and help my 7 year old get her homework done. Am also 6 months pg and not keeping great so, yes, it very much gets to me, esp as she has been crying so much and so often through the night. Although I'm hoping we have found a solution in that our nursery suggested feeding her more. (Trust me, she eats tonnes as it is!) But one of the staff said she could just be a really hungry baby, so we have been giving her mid-morning and afternoon snacks (healthy) and then a little something before going to bed as she had actually gone off her milk since she came off the bottle - so I guess she wasn't getting filled up the same. I think she has been a bit better since. Sorry, this is a long post and my point is, maybe that is something you could try.

Mind you, sometimes they are just whinging wee buggers! Just hope the next one is more chilled!

Hi, just wanted to join in with the general mutual support/understanding. I have an easy going 4.10 year old, and a fairly whingy 15 month old dd.

Dd2 is only happy if she is either in my arms/in our bed/or has a dummy permanently plugged in. Dummies are restricted to sleep times only (except on occasion dh and I give in to her as we can't stand any more).

Yep, early evening is worse. She is marginally happier if eating, but on occasion cries and wants to sit on my lap rather than the high chair.

Am going to try Slickbird's tip re more food as she generally eats well and has been cutting down on milk.

Yeah, onepiece I think we have the same child!! Was going to wean her off her dummy, but she's so loud when she howls that I can't bring myself to!! (I sometimes make the tea with earplugs in to take the edge off!) The milk thing was interesting as it never occured to me, I just thought she wasn't hungry for it. But we were told to give her a bit of toast or readybrek/ weetabix or some banana & yogurt before bed and she has stopped waking so much. My oldest DD has a huge appetite and er, so do I (we have fast metabolisms thankfully) so at this rate I will need to remortage the house to pay for all the extra food!!!!

Also interesting about what you said about sitting on the lap - we were at my parents on Friday eve and so DD2 sat on my DH's lap through dinner and I swear to god, there was barely a cheap out of her!! But I'm not getting into that habit. She'll just have to learn.

The dummy gets more of a battle tbh Slickbird. She can have it at bedtime until I can discuss it with her and do a deal (say around the age of 2.5/3 yrs) However I don't like her having it in the day.

She is persistent/resourceful though, I give her that. She was recently found trying to suck a dolly's dummy, looking puzzled at how it felt in her mouth. She crawls under her cot and finds lost dummies. Also those jigsaws with the kind of dummy/peg "handles" for babies - yep she is often found with one of them stuffed in her mouth.

Her older sister has always sucked her fingers instead.

Slickbird also meant to add that like you I have a fast metabolism/big appetite (as does dh) so perhaps she is the same, that would make sense tbh. I am going to get some starchy bedtime snacks when I go shopping tomorrow.

She is always desperate if I try to serve the dds' tea after 5pm, even if she has a late lunch and an afternoon snack. Perhaps I should do tea say 4.30ish, and bedtime snack around 6ish. Tis worth a try. She is often awake 5-6am (sometimes earlier) genuinely hungry/thirsty for milk.

Not sure I dare feed my DS2 any more as already a very chunky 14 month baby and weighs more now than my 3 year old! But may try for an evening snack as we are always awake by 5-5.30 and although he doesn't seem desperate for his breakfast it is definitely worth a try! Dummies are also a god send although have a worry with Santa taking my 3 year olds this year and due to the fact that DS1 just takes DS2's out of his mouth if I won't give it to him the plan was to cut DS2's down for just bedtime to make it easier!!!!! However ....easier for who?????!!!!!

My ds is also a chunk! He is already 29lbs and on 98th centile for height. He doesn't seem hungry either but also often waked between 5-5:30, it's quite scry the similarities! Has he been any happier lately? My ds is a total misery guts lately as his cold is still no better, going back to the doctors tomorrow to make sure it's not progressed into a chest infection, he does sound very rattley. Am very though, my ds would never entertain a dummy, even when little he just screamed around the dummy or spat it out, grrrr.

After such a good weekend, felt really optimistic starting the week... in all honesty though I have to say the optimism lasted until monday afternoon when DS2 began whinging and didn't stop until bedtime! It then began again around 5 am after having been up twice with DS1. Just hate the fact that I am wishing my days off away... These were the days I looked forward to in my head but in reality I count down until bedtime and I hate that! I can't bring myself to play with either DS as I know it will end up in some sort of paddy, tantrum or rough play (DS1) Had an offer from my Dad to take them to the prom and jumped at it... the only enjoyable hour of the day! Just wish I could be more laid back and just enjoy my gorgeous babes.... that although it doesn't sound like it I do love to bits..... Unfortunately at the moment.... more when they are asleep!

I was outraged yesterday with my troublemaker as I had given her a decent snack mid-afternoon and I was going to give her her tea (dinner) before she started screaming and so earlier than us, and so she screamed and shouted til I gave her that, then she was fine for five minutes, put her in the living room with my other DD while I was going to make tea for the rest of us and she started screaming the house down. I ended up putting her in her cot for a couple of minutes. Then DH comes home and said, "mmm this is odd, she doesn't really do this with me. Or your mum'

And the thing that's so bloody annoying is that I am making a point of not giving off any stressed out vibes in the run up to what is the hellish time of day (4 - 6pm) and trying to keep it light and breezy, but it's like its a bloody habit to push mummy's buttons. I am going to speak to HV for advice cos it's pissing me off, esp knowing there's another one on the way in three months time. Oh God it doesn't bare thinking about!

Sorry, rant over!

Oh Slickbird, it is so stressful sometimes. [sympathetic emoticon]

Some days I have a little angel, other times I want to scream.

Just thought I'd check in and see how you are all doing? DS is still ill with his cold so has been very miserable today, doctor doesn't seem concerned though and his chest is clear, the problem is in his throat but should go on it's own apparently.

Slickbird at your dh saying that. Men!

We have come to know the time between 5 and 6:30pm as the 'suicide hour' , it's horrendous especially when teething or ill.

Olamamas, sorry you're enthusiasm ran out! Mine has too today, I actually left ds sownstairs with dh and said I needed to lie down in bed for a while as I just couldn't take the endless shouting and crying. It's been unbearable and I feel awful for admitting that cos I know he's ill but arrrrrgh sometimes I could really dislike him.

I know what you mean about liking them more when they are asleep! I do an awful lot of clock watching til bedtime too, especially on days like today.

Ahhh deep breaths and a glass of wine I think is in order.

Glass of wine being had and far too late considering the time my DS2 wakes... Just told my DH who is moaning/ curious about the amount of time I am spending on here having transferred my energies from facebook to here due to irrational anger towards my coping having a great time being mothers.... friends!!!!! WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME????? Struggled for sooo long to become a mummy.... and now can't cope with it! Feel sooo low so often... at work tomorrow and is the only thing keeping me going... drinking coz I know it will be an easier day than being with my 2 DS's/ Hope I'm not depressing anyone! Just want to make it all great.... so many other guilt issues... But sure I must be sounding the poor me poor me scenario! Hate myself and what I've become!

Awww olamamas, I do sympathise. I hate seeing my friend's with babies as they all find it soo so easy and their babies just sit and look at things, happily babblying and pointing at things. Mine, reaches out for things in shops, screetches when we take it away or move the buggy past whatever it is he wanted. He is very trying to say the least but he has improved since being mobile. Before that he just cried and whinged constantly, now he just flares up very easily and seems generally grizzley but maybe I'm just thinking he's always like this cos he is ill at the moment. Maybe normally he's not this bad but he is always pretty highly strung and I do feel a bit like walking on eggshells with him still. I only have to shut the door or stand to answer the phone too quickly and he's crying.

It is such hard work but Ola, I'm sure even your friend's who make it look easy, still feel as you do. I be they have moments where they just want to run away and cry! Toddlers are just grotty (most of them anyway!). It's a difficult age where they know what they want but really have no way of telling you.

We planned ds so much and I feel so guilty for not enjoying him but I know this is temporary, he'll be at school one day !

You are so right meandjoe and after a day trying to get help and support for children with real special needs I know I should start trying to appreciate them for what they are.... even if DS2 is a miserable demanding whingy little monkey! As he's MY miserable demanding whingy little monkey and I love him! Why am I so much more positive when I've been to work!!!!!????? Motherhood makes my challenging job feel like a bloody doddle! ThanksX

Awww that's a nice positive post from you! I am going to ruin it all now by saying I've had the day from hell! DS screamed non-stop in the back of the car on the way home from a nice day out we had planned to cheer him up. He whinged pretty constantly while we were there too so it has left me feeling a bit which isn't fair. I keep relling myself it's cos he's ill but in reality I just think he's a miserable little swine! Grrrrr.

Anyway, I know there's nothing that you can do but just wanted a little rant!

Your day job sounds very challenging too, perhaps I should steer clear of teaching as I fear ds will be quite enough of a handful as it is!!!