Speech in a 3.3 year old - what should we be looking for?

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I am not sure whether I am worrying unnecessarily or not, so need some mn advice.

Very good friends of ours have a ds2 who is 4 months younger that our pfb ds. DH and I have little experience with small children, apart from our own and these friends' two sons, hence why I need to ask the question.

This little boy has had several very bad ear infections and his speech seems to be delayed, for example when compared to our ds. He is very bright and cheeky, but only has a few dozen words and they are often unintelligible. Dh is getting concerned and wondering whether we should say something about maybe getting some help from a specialist. But I am very conscious that children all develop at slightly different rates - for example he is already dry day and night, whereas our ds is nowhere near out of nighttime nappies.

So should we say something, or just shut up?

What do HIS PARENTS SAY?aRE THEY WORRIED/tbh I would leave well alone,unless they voice concerns.

I wouldn't say something, unless you are very close to them and know that you mean well.

I had a very similar situation with a friend whose child had (to me) quite obvious speech difficulties. mum never mentioned it, and it wasn't my place.
however, he attends a nursery and they picked up on it and suggested she see the HV.
turns out he has glue ear

asnyway, the same could be true for your friend's little boy, esp with the ear infection connection. but I am sure it will be picked up once he is in a nursery setting

(Having said that I have a nearly 3 who only has 2 intelligible words)It could be a hearing problem like glue ear but I am sure your friend would consult help if they felt it were needed xxx

His mother is not worried - at least when we have discussed around the subject, although not head on. But she did say that she cannot remember what ds1 was like at that age. His dad did recently voice some concern to my dh when they were out drinking recently, when he suddenly realised their ds2 was so close in age to our ds.

He does attend nursery - a very good one too, so they will probably say something if needed.

I think you are right - for now I will keep quiet. Thank you for confirming my gut feeling.

My husband's nephew was a very late speaker. Actually he did speak a lot but there was not much one could understand from what he was saying. That happened 18 years ago but my husband is still telling me he feels guilty for not pushing it to his parents when the boy was still young. They seemed to hope for the better and avoided looking for help .... the boy is not doing very well now at the age of 18. It can't hurt if you just show your concern and explain the parents that an extra check can never hurt anyone, on the contrary. I know some parents are reluctant to outside suggestions, but how silly can that be when it comes to a young life that you are responsible for?

He should definitely be referred to Speech and Language Therapy if he has so few words at 3.3. To put it in context, my ds is also 3.3, has been in SALT for a year and has over 600 words. He is on Early Action Plus at preschool and receives one to one support for 3 of his 5 sessions.

Glue ear sounds like a possibility so the first step is to have him referred for a hearing test. It's essential his parents get on to this as soon as possible to prevent further language delays.

If he is otherwise happy & healthy I would leave well alone! DD is 6 now & one of the brightest in her class & she had very few words at 3 & was very late to toilet train too!
Children can be little perfectionists sometimes & they all develop at their own rate. Many things can affect speech- dummies, too much tumble tots (activities fantastic but we worked out the ACTION songs delayed speech) or just mum giving in knowing what they want before they ask for it (guilty )
Take it as it comes & be supportive!

Sorry, have to disagree with you karise. Best not to leave these things in case they mean something else (they did in our case). Yes, he might just develop in his own time, but he might not and the longer its left the harder it is to manage.
Take a deep breath and suggest your friend takes him to doctor/HV.

OK - thanks for these reponses. I have not seen him for 2 weeks - so next time, I will be coming to him "fresh" and I will soon be able to spot whether he is making any progress. I will decide then.

I have found out that another close friend of hers is also concerned, so I think I am right in being a little worried. I think that I will try and say something at the right time. I just don't want to be seen as interfering or obsessed with my pfb.

Just be sensitive - don't assume that you would necessarily know if they've already sought help, so be ready to back right off if it becomes clear they have. My dd has delayed/very unclear speech at 2.2 - she has had a hearing test (clear) and is due to go back to see the HV for another word count in a month or so. I've been quite open about that, but also usually don't make the whole speech issue sound like a big deal because I really don't want people who (through no actual skill of their own, but just chance) have children who are talking well patronising me and offering me 'helpful' advice. What do they know?! I'm just as capable of noticing what their child is doing as they are of noticing what mine isn't, and drawing conclusions. It drives me mad when family members offer me 'advice' on how to speak to my child, and I can tell that while saying 'oh isn't she doing well' to my face they've then been talking about her behind my back to each other. Fair enough drawing someone's attention to a problem if you're really sure they've missed it - early help is important for children with speech problems - but you have zero actual extra authority or experience to work from here simply through happening to have a child who speaks well, so be careful not to sound like you think you do!

I would completely avoid comparing their child to your ds, by the way - all children do develop at different rates, as you say, so really that comparison is completely irrelevant. Unless that is you're saying that your ds defines the slow end of normal, so that anyone slower than him must by definition be out of the normal range and need help .

Better perhaps to make up an anecdote about having read something about fewer than X words at 2 or 3 meaning a hearing test was needed and how you've heard they're very quick to do, or ask if his ear infections have affected his hearing, you've heard that HVs like children who've had lots having hearing tests, is that true? Etc. etc.

My first instinct was "mind your own business" (sorry! I wasn't actually going to say that - just think it!!) but rereading your post I see the reference to ear infections. If you don't actually know another child who has had to have a hearing test after lots of ear infections then MAKE ONE UP (search for some threads on here!) and get your DH to mention it in the pub.
Glue ear is a non-scary non-personal no-stigma topic to raise and about 40% of my friends have had to give at least one child a hearing test. I don't think raising it will affect the friendship at all.

I think it would be way outside your remit to mention any suspicions of broader concerns though. Think more about what you will say in response to your friend if she ever raises such concerns. No-one dared raise concerns with me about my DS1 because if they had I'd have floored them [not proud but it's true]. They waited for me and then listened and discussed it on my terms, not theirs.
Consider carefully where your loyalties lie before having too many chats with other RL friends about this. Esp. if the mum is proud (like me). Do not pass any information on to your wider circle of acquaintances.