Technical help with star chart please

[Prufrock]

DD (2.10) is becoming a bit of a pain about going to bed. She goes, but will often call us up to have a wee, put cream on supposedly sore places, have a drink etc. I want to nip this in the bud so though we would try a star chart - one sticker for every night she goes to sleep without getting out of bed. I think she will understand the concept.
But do I do a reward if she she complies every night for 7 nights, or once she has accumulated 7 stickers?

Message withdrawn

I think once she's got 7 stickers. We started a star chart a while ago and it was successful in that it got ds1 to start sharing toys with ds2 (that was the aim!). He didn't do it every day though, but understood that for every nice thing he did with ds2 he'd get a star and for every 5 stars he could have a treat. Sometimes it took days and days to get to 5..!

It's fallen out of use now, but mainly because on the whole he's much better at sharing so we don't have to make such a big deal out of it.

7 sounds quite a lot for that age - I would be tempted to give smaller rewards more often, after 3 for example. DS (3.5) just likes the different stickers - they are rewards in themselves (think there is a philosophical point lurking in there, but can't be bothered to tease it out!). I have collected about 10 different types of stickers (and they are annoyingly pricey) so we have long discussion about which sticker he can have for what behaviour (as a lawyer myself, I think it is a good introduction to negotiation techniques!). For example we have some Nemo and Thomas the Tank Engine ones, but also animal, bug, spider ones etc (you turn into a bit of a saddo when you are out shopping without the DCs and get excited when you see some BRILLIANT NEW STICKERS!). DS likes one stuck on his pyjamas as a special treat rather than on the star chart.

Been there with the delaying tactics re going to bed. We have always been quite firm and threated LIGHT OUT if there is any more messing around. DS now knows that the only thing that is going to get our attention is for him to do a poo (he is fully trained but needs help with wiping). He manages to do one at 8.15pm most days out of sheer act of will. GRRRRR. I'm going to watch those Jamie Oliver programmes for hints as to how to stuff children up with junk food and get them to last for 6 weeks without going....

I agree that seven stickers is a lot to accumulate for an under-3. Bring the target down so that she can see quicke results for her compliance.

Good idea to vary the stickers too. You could take her shopping and let her choose her own, so she really feels part of the exercise. Maybe even let her sit with you while you draw the chart up in Word, and let her add her ideas.

Remember to remind her about the incentive as well, as she'll be unlikely to do that herself. IE "You need to go to bed now if you want to win yourself a sticker for your chart" should get her jumping back between the sheets!

Good luck!

One other thing, which might be obvious to some but not to others. Make sure you go through the rules of using the chart with her once the plan is all worked out. Ask her questions about it to be sure she's got the idea. If she fails to win a sticker she might be very upset if she doesn't fully understand why. Planning and understanding are very important factors in successful star-charting!

I agree with Anchovy, reward her more often than7 day since she's so small. She might well be happy with just stickers and they may be enough on their own without a treat attached. Worth a go anyway. Good luck.

My top tips for Star Charts:

1. Only do them for a specific thing eg. going to bed ... I find that if I do general charts for anything DS soon gets bored.
2. Plan the rewards WITH your child and draw the chart together ... that way the child knows what he or she is working towards...
3. We never make food a reward, our rewards are activities or trips out or little cheap things like a a little car that DS has had his eye on.
4. DS is 5 so our star charts last for 21 days at a time with a small reward after 7 days, another after 14 and then a biggie (mini-golf or movies with Daddy) after 21. At 3 he was getting a reward after 5 stars.
5. A fun star chart is to make a picture like a face or a boat or a car or something like that and number the places where the stars go (a bit like dot-to-dot) ... Um .... those are my tips for today ... HTH