2 year old and discipline

[gingerbabe]

My 2 year old has recently started throwing things and ignoring me when I say 'no'. I can take the offending item away from her and that resolves that incident but it's starting to happen a bit too frequently.

I'm a bit of a softie, but I don't want her to walk all over me and I know that the battle of wills is about to commence.

Any tips anyone?

P.S. I don't agree with smacking.

gingerbabe - I shall be interested in the replies, my DS is the same, he will be 2 on Wednesday. By the way, I am NOT a softie and I do believe in the occasional smack - but have to admit that it doesn't work!

He absolutely hates getting dressed/changed & will really wriggle & throw himself around, can be dangerous as he is totally fearless.

Looking forward to the replies!

what does she throw? Can you just ignore it? Could you try removing all breakables from her reach and going for a policy of totally ignoring any throwing? That is usally pretty effective IME. Much more so than saying no, or smacking, both of which are attention.

I'm having some success with removing the toy without comment and not giving it back until the next day.

I say some success - by that I mean that it's happening less frequently rather than it's stopped completely unfortunately. However, the method worked when ds started throwing things down the stairs (he never does now) so I'm hoping patience and consistency will win out.

gingerbabe and Lindy, I'm assuming the throwing is not done in anger from your posts. Maybe they are just checking out their skills and want a practice, and to experiment with "what happens if I...". If the answer is an interesting reaction from mum, then why not do it again and again!

As georgina says, patience and consistency are the key - distraction is good too. Have you got a small soft ball you can give them in place of the thrown object? Stay calm and say something like, "Books are for reading, balls are for throwing!" (if they have thrown a book.) Or you can use bean bags and get them to try to toss them into a container. If they throw something inappropriate, say why they shouldn't - it could hurt someone or it could get broken - and take it away. Try to avoid just saying no if you can, as you will get it back, or they will just switch off. HTH! Let me know!

I have a method that works very well with my autistic 3 and a half year old. Because he has little language I have to use a very direct method. if he is doing something that I absolutely don't want him doing (and I would include throwing toys in that-there was a little boy in our antenatal group who did that and consistently having toys whizzing past the other kids ears was a pain in the backside!! I had some big flimsy windows which he used to chuck heavy stuff at as well- by the age of three he was throwing chairs). Anyway- my method is to simply pick ds1 up and put him outside the room for about 5 to 10 seconds. He understands that means he's gone too far- might do the same thing several more times- but each time my repsonse is the same. Usually he stops within 1 to 2 days. I've used it for hitting adults (he goes through a phase of this abut every 6 months- usually stops after about 2 days of the above technique- luckily he's never hit another child- except his brother- same reponse), hitting the cat, headbanging the glass door, and probably a few other things as well. I don't overuse it- only for "serious" misdemeaners!

DS also likes to throw things and usually we take the item away and sit him on the 'naughty' chair for time out. Usually understands that he has gone too far which generally results in a big cuddle for mummy/daddy. Also more recently we have started to have 'chats' with him about why we are upset with his behaviour or why he could hurt himself (eg messing around on the stairs) - not sure we are getting through yet but he does listen and hopefully will be a useful strategy when he gets a bit older.

Sounds like she understands the routine perfectly! Does she then come out and put the toys away (or whatever)?

Having a very wilful and determined dd2, 3 next month! My advice, for what it's worth, is pick your fights. At this age theres no point in having a battle over small things. But also if she does think of the "sanctions" as a game, then leave the toys, wait until there is something she wants ( dosn't take long with my dds), and say you can have so and so when toy've tidied up. Then, with mine, it usually gets done in no time.

The other way is to change tack, make it a race, who can pack these away first. Or the "be Mummys helper" approach,and "you're such a helpful/big girl" approach. When I get to stalemate with dd2 giving loads of praise on the positive things works better than anything. Good Luck!

sobernow - that reminds me of my brother, year's ago mum said to him 'pick your toys up or you'll get a smack' - 'oh alright, I'll have the smack then please!!'

I posted earlier on this thread & have followed all the advice given but have to admit it hasn't resulted in any change in behaviour ......... I assume it is just a stage we have to put up with?

She sounds hilarious, sobernow! I love kids who can stand up to their parents and think it's one of the healthiest traits going. And as mollipops says, she obviously has a good idea of what your rules and routines are, even if she's a bit hazy about what sanctions apply when. Imagine she can be infuriating at times though!
Was it Ghosty who posted somewhere about the ask, tell, act idea? (1st time ask her nicely, 2nd time tell her calmly but firmly, 3rd time act- apply sanction/walk her through it/whatever.) Sounded good to me and might give a structure to what you're doing already as it sounds like that's working pretty well despite her sassiness. I like the way this avoids that all that undignified pleading with them to comply and also that arguing/fruitless discussion that baby teenagers always manage to draw one into, in their efforts never to do anything they don't want to do! (Well, mine are good at this at any rate.) She's a bit young for some of my mean tricks... for point blank refusal to tidy toys scenarios I find starting to put said toys in bin bag ready to take down to the rubbish bin works wonders in a last resort and it's actually a good cheerer upper as they pretty much jump to attention in marked contrast to previous lethargy/defiance. (I've never had to actually put the toys in the bin.)
Anyway, I think it sounds like you're doing a grand job with her.

Have to agree with Scummy that she sounds hilarious. I would have been left open mouthed. Also, Scummy thanks for that tip re the bin bag - that's brilliant.

Sobernow, she does sound funny - I can imagine you standing there open mouthed! Sorry, no great advice other than batey's turning it into a game thing still works sometimes with my ds, and I've done the 'right, they're going in the bin' thing too, which works sometimes. I agree about picking your battles too.

My ds will say 'by the way mum, I've decided I'm not that bothered about my football game/new beyblade/tv programme so you can take it away if I'm naughty.' What this means is that he is very bothered about the various items but he wants me to think he's not! I like his thinking - it's impressive, as is your dd's understanding of your rules!

Sobernow, just a thought, but confrontation absolutely doesn't work with my ds - we are both stubborn and don't back down so a small thing can turn into all out war and hey, I'm supposed to be the adult here! It sometimes works if I choose a big sanction, like you won't be going to x's birthday party, and then calmly say, 'this is what will happen if you don't xyx, so it's up to you whether you do it or not' and I then walk away. Often he will then do whatever it was I wanted done but he'll do it surreptitiously as he doesn't want to be seen to be backing down! So a big threat thrown out very casually sometimes works for me.

Direct confrontation doesn't work at all with my DS either. My general strategy in avoiding confrontation is to tell him that his various ludicrous suggestions (wanting to bake a cake/eat chocolate/play football at 8pm say) are the most brilliant ideas I've ever heard in my entire life, but first we just have to go up to his room and have a quick story. He usually forgets and is asleep within 15 minutes.

Still not sure what I would so in Sobernow's shoes.