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Behaviour/development

Talk to others about child development and behaviour stages here. You can find more information on our development calendar.

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Original poster

Am I being too strict

13 replies

Pinotmum · 08/03/2005 16:15

I have just collected my dd (4.6 yo) from Nursery today and as she left the class I saw her poke her tongue out at one of her classmates. I reprimanded her and was over heard by her teacher and nursery nurse who suggested she apologise. DD was NOT happy about this but reluntantly said Sorry to her classmate. I said to her if she didn't like being told off then best not to get in trouble in the first place (teacher and nursery nurse agreed) and no more was mentioned. When we got outside the school I gave her a cadburys creme egg from her granny and she took it and then chucked it on the floor basically because she was cross at me for "grassing her up" I suppose. Anyway I have told her she cannot go to tea at her friends on Friday and she is beside herself. I do not intend to give in and have told her friends mum already. Bearing in mind her age is this too strict.

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nutcracker · 08/03/2005 16:17

Erm a little bit i think yeah. Bearing in mind too that today is only tuesday., That means she will still be being punished on friday for something that happened 3 days ago.

Sponge · 08/03/2005 16:20

Sorry but yes I think you're being a bit OTT. Kids poke thier tongues out at people all the time and it's mostly just in fun. To treat it as a major disciplinary matter and to delay the punishment that long and take away something important for a trivial misdemeanour seems excessive to me.

Bozza · 08/03/2005 16:21

Agree with nutty really - the time thing is a bit much I think. Would try to make punishment more immediate.

Bozza · 08/03/2005 16:22

Sponge I think the punishment of not going to friend's house is for stropping and throwing creme egg on floor. Personally I would have just taken back creme egg, left room and left it at that I think.

debs26 · 08/03/2005 16:23

i quite often say my kids cant have something cos they have been naughty and then regret it and think i have been too strict, but at the time it always seems like a big deal. backing down makes the kids think they can get you to back down over important things too, so thats not a good idea. i tell them if they do something to make up for the unpleasant behaviour then i might think about letting them have the treat again (helping with washing or something)

Original poster

Pinotmum · 08/03/2005 16:23

Yeh, I was thinking the length of time to punishment a little too long. She has been a real madam today and when her grand parents visited this morning (who see no wrong in her ever) they even commented on her behaviour so this has compounded my reaction I think.

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laneydaye · 08/03/2005 16:24

i dont think so...... i just think start as you mean to go on, i wouldnt be bothered if someone poked there tongue out at me but if my son 4.2 did it i think i would reprimand him too....

saintshar · 08/03/2005 16:24

Could you not change it slightly so it makes it look as if you are not backing down?

Perhaps tell her that you have decided that she can go to her friends on Friday - because you had already promised friend/friends Mum, and it is wrong to break a promise.

Then say that perhaps no sweeties/ pudding after tea/ something like that?

Blu · 08/03/2005 16:27

It sounds llike one of those unfortunate pile-ups! She probably felt a bit ganged-up on and exposed, and tbh I think it would have been better for the nursery staff to keep quiet since you were already dealing with the tongue-poking.

I also feel that 'cause and effect' of bad behaviour needs to be quick, but can see how you couldn't think what to do in the heat of the moment.

Also, this is a bit hard on the other friend and her Mum!

I would sit down and tell her that she can go for tea if she can promise to be good and not stick out tongue at friends Mum, you are sure that she WILL be a good girl when she goes for tea, and that it's a shame she ruined her nice creme egg because she was in a strop.

coppertop · 08/03/2005 16:28

I think I would've made the punishment a little more immediate and give her the chance to make a fresh start. However, it's easy to say that with hindsight.

SeaShells · 08/03/2005 16:28

I think you should have waited to give her the creme egg until she had calmed down and done something to gain it IYKWIM, used the creme egg as a reward for realising sticking her tongue out was a little wrong, I think she was bound to react like that because she was upset and probably felt a little humiliated after having 3 adults tell her off for something so small.
I think the punishment is a little harsh and considering that it's 3 days away I expect you will have a battle of wills between now and then!

Gwenick · 08/03/2005 16:29

My way of 'dealing' with stuff like this If I hand out a punishment I, in retrospect, feel is too harsh is to explain to DS that he 'can' still have x, y or z BUT he has to do something to help me first - tidying the toys up, finding all the socks out of the laundry basket, helping load the dishwasher etc etc - and explain to him that he has to help me nicely or the original punishment stands.

Original poster

Pinotmum · 08/03/2005 16:34

The teacher is ctually not a nursery teacher but from the junior school and she is covering the position whilst the Nursery teacher recovers from an op. She is quite a tough cookie and therefore don't think she could have kept her mouth shut. I suppose I was trying to lessen the public reprimand by giving her the egg then and there but being cross with me she threw it. I know I would have done the same as we are quite similar. Oh I feel awful now . I think I may quietly speak to the other mum and reschedule another date. I will also make a star chart and add this date as a reward.

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