22 month old pushing, shoving, hitting

[Leln]

I have an otherwise adorable 22 month old daughter, but she has stared to push other children.

Yesterday, after going swimming, as we stood outside the pool, saying goodbye to our friends, she walked over to another little boy and for no apparent reason, just pushed him over. He fell back on his bottom, did not cry, did not seem hurt, but I was shocked and upset.

i immediately bent down to her level and said, "no, no pushing, it's naughty to push, don't push Tom" etc. but she looked pretty ambivalent about this telling off. When I asked her to say sorry and give him a kiss, she immediately did so.

I feel so upset as this is coming from nowhere (the other little boy did not provoke her, was not over sharing a toy etc.)

I am (a) not sure how to "punish" her and (b) not sure how to handle my own disappointment that she appears to be a ruffian.

DH says I am over-reacting.

But I am now wondering whether to continue to go into this other child's complany, as he does seem to be a flashpoint for my DD. (other similar incidents have occurred before).

I do feel really upset by this, and would like to sort it out.

Any ideas?

Totally normal. It's a phase. Keep dealing with it firmly, but don't demonise her. She will grow out of it, I promise you.

hiya, you have my sympathies, carbon copy of dd(2) 3 months ago!!

Keep going with the discipline ie explaining with what right and wrong but as Mrs. Mattie says don't demonise her, she's still lovely, it's a phase. dd has stopped this now with other children and only occassionally bites me!!

thanks for reassurance

i feel really let down by her! she is of course my little sweetpea but when she does things like this, I think "where on earth????"

then feel self-reproachful for feeling let-down by her (afterall, she's not even 2)

yikes

My friend's dd did this at the same age - she shoved every toddler she crossed paths with. I really admired my friend's approach. She never 'punished' her daughter, just kept telling her gently it was wrong and tried to avoid situations where there would be a lot of children or where she would be hard to control. Now her daughter is 27 months and has stopped doing it.

My ds had a biting stage at 18 months, which didn't last too long and now will tackle other children from behind if he gets overexcited. I'm not sure whether he's being aggressive or just excited/affectionate but once he starts I know it's time to leave.

Anyway, my point is that toddlers have some unattractive behaviours but they do seem to pass if you wait and don't get too distressed.

Must be very upsetting and whilst not every child goes through this phase, many do and yet we are all convinced that ours won't! You do have to be very firm when you tell her not to do it, and whilst I agree you shouldn't be too quick to punish a child of this age, you DO have to show that there are consequences. So I would say in no uncertain terms that "if you do that again we are going straight home/other suitable punishment". My friend's little boy has been going through this 'phase' for months now and there NEVER seem to be any consequences for his behaviour - so there's no incentive for him to behave any other way.

I would also say that you need to reinforce this by commenting on other children's behaviour, cos they learn from observing each other. So if you are at playgroup or something and a child pushes another, I would say "that was naughty wasn't it? He shouldn't have done that should he?" or whatever. She needs to recognise good and bad behaviour and you can't reinforce it too much.