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Behaviour/development

Talk to others about child development and behaviour stages here. You can find more information on our development calendar.

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Original poster

Bad behaviour of 10 year old - i am cracking up....

8 replies

net123 · 18/10/2008 21:17

Sorry this is long......
My son is 10 years olf next month and he is a nitemare. He argues with me costantly and does nothing he is asked. He has a 4 year old sister and loves winding her up and annoying her. I feel like I am constantly shouting at him and i really feel like I am cracking up.

My family has had a lot of problems. My daughter nearly died from meningitis when she was 20 months old and is physically disabled because of this. We are still havig a lot of worry about her but he does get plenty of attention.

My husband has a taxi business so is out from teamtime then comes back in morning as we are going to school = i wish I could do his job and he could stay at home.

Last week I was called to see headmistress and they have had enough of his behaviour. He is disruptive in class and she says he can be quite nasty to other kids. He is now on a behaviour chart and she says if he carried on like this when he gets to high school he will be getting expelled.

After getting a mega telling off etc he was good for about 1 day and then he reverts back...We take things away as a punishment but he doesnt care at all.
Please help me i am at my wits end

OP posts:

cupchar · 18/10/2008 21:21

Sounds difficult net123. What are his friends like?

Original poster

net123 · 18/10/2008 21:35

His - his friends at school seem alright but his friends he plays out with here are a bit hit and miss. They are nice enough kids but stay out late and wander off to play footy and cricket. Derin does not even tell us he is going and we are frantic looking for him. He is grounded at moment but hes not bothered at all.

Probably knows he can wind me up instead.

OP posts:

Blandmum · 18/10/2008 21:39

I would be, as you are, very worried about him wandering off. I would stop him going out until you can trust him, for his own safety.

Carrot and stick? is there anything that you can offer as an enducement to behave?

Does he have an IEP at school?

Pick the one thing that he does that irritates and sort out that one thing first. I doubt that he got this distruptive overnigh and he isn't going to get better overnight either (sadly)

Pick one thing and work on that. When that is sorted move on to the next thing, and pick away one at a time

Yurtgirl · 18/10/2008 21:42

Net123 - I have an argumentative 7 yo so I do understand a bit about what you are going through

Has your ds always been tricky or is this a recent thing?

It sounds like you are really fed up with things, I am not surprised - I have had a difficult few days with mine

arizona · 18/10/2008 21:46

I have one this age and he can be a bolshy little b*** too. All I can suggest is lots of praise for the good things. Be as positive as you can. Try not to shout at him (impossible!)and give him as much affection as you can.

Original poster

net123 · 18/10/2008 22:39

Thanks for your answers.....
He does have an IEP at school...He alsohad an appt at hospital as school thought he may have adhd...He hasnt got ADHD.
He was a lovely child until he started school and from then on I have had problem after problem but the older they are the harder it gets. I just hate going anywhere with both my kids as it always turns sour and my DS always spoils it.

I will try one thing at a time....

OP posts:

Blandmum · 19/10/2008 09:35

What is on his IEP, and is it helping at all?

Is he on SA or SAP+ ? Do you think that intervention from an outside agency, like CAMHS would help at all?

This must be really tough for you all, and you have my sympathy. But it is going to take time. The 'He's good for a single day' is a very telling and wise comment. When you start to work on his behaviour he may well 'behave' for a day, the extra attention may well help, and he is probably more than clever enough to think, 'If I'm good today, mum will be off my back tomorrow!'

The key is total consistancy, I think. Pick your 'thing', say, not arguing with you, state the consequences and stick to them ever time come hell or high water (bloody awful to do I know)

Re the arguing. I have found that saying 'I hear what you say' and refusing to be pulled into a spat helps a lot with the kids in school/ It sort of take the wind out of their sails.

'Get in the car please'

'I don't want to get in the car, yadda, yadda, yadda' (you know the stuff!)' I hear what you say, in the car please'

keep it up and after a while they sort of go and do as you ask!

mathew03 · 19/03/2014 10:26

My 10 year old is giving me a very rough time. What's new? His father who is not living with us has not lifted a finger to do anything since his birth. I work hard and being an absolute mug I have funded him for the past 10 years!! So as far as my son was concerned his father not well enough to work. Very foolish on my part! Now it has dawned on me that his father is perfect and I am the bank! But no more. My son is furious that his father can't afford to feed him for the weekend and it is all my fault. Partly it is for being so stupid. I have tried reasoning etc but his venom is directed towards me! Any suggestions?

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