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Original poster

Why is my 7 yr old dd so rude?

15 replies

eltham · 18/10/2008 02:55

Her tone of voice implies disrespect; she answers back (all the time); has a downer on everything it seems; stomps off when she 's told she can't have something? It's driving me nuts. I end up being very short-tempered with her. It was my birthday this morning and she was horrible which really upset me. I'm at my wits end in knowing what to do..have tried firm authority; taking treats or toys away..she does then say sorry but it never changes anything in the long term and I think her saying sorry is actually her strategy for getting the things back, as opposed to being really reflective oon how she's behaved. Any help would be very much appreciated. I feel we're getting more and more distant...and I feel so sad at losing her.

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SuperBunny · 18/10/2008 03:15

IME, some 7 year olds are just like this. Sorry.

Have you talked to her teacher? I wonder if she is like this at school. Has anything happened recently to worry or upset her?

Dttoydto · 18/10/2008 05:40

Because she's entering tweenager-dom?? Ds1's like this some of the time - and he's only 6.9...

What I love doing with ds1 though is stealing some 'baby' time with him whenever I can - so every now and then (once every 10 days or so), we let him come down after him and ds2 have gone to bed, to stay up for another half an hour.

He thinks he's being really grown up and he's a bit sleepy and gets really cuddly - it's lovely - we cuddle up on the settee and talk a bit or just watch telly and then he goes off to bed all happy.

Or recently I've started taking him to play pool on a Sunday morning - just me and him - at a cinema complex which has got a load of pool tables (so nowhere yucky!). He loves it 'cos it's really grown up and it's great.

So maybe try and plan in stuff which will make her feel like the grown up she's trying to be (in a stroppy 7 year old way!) 'cos it actually makes them behave in a more child-like way 'cos they're happy and relaxed.

Of course this isn't to say I don't go bonkers at him at least 200 times a day

Original poster
eltham · 18/10/2008 09:15

She's not at all like this at school. In fact she s very happy there, which obviosuly I'm pleased at though it pains me she can't be like this at home.

A year ago I instigated what you do Dt..I let her stay up on a Friday night .... just me and her (and not her 3 yr old sister) have pizza togteher and watch a DVD. I plan 'just her and me' time regularly..we will go the cinema, to a cafe to have hot chocolate together, to the theatre and the ballet...and I do treasure these moments together as I don't want her childhood to slip through my fingers..to pass me by in the frenetic business of everyday life. But out of these moments (and occasionally in them) she's still rude and horrible. Yesterday I took her and a her friiend to their swimming lesson and while placing their bags in the cubicle she turned to me and said 'Get out'..her friend looked at her as though she was completely out of order. Of course i took her to task about it but it never seems to change her behaviour for the future. It's so breaking my heart that she's like this..

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Dttoydto · 18/10/2008 09:39

Yes, ds1's wonderfully behaved at school - always the first to get his sticker chart filled and all that.

I don't know... hopefully it's a phase??

dippica · 18/10/2008 22:28

DS1 (8) has a real attitude problem too at the moment - backchat all the time, really moody and to be honest not always pleasant to be around . I think its all about pushing boundaries, wanting more freedom etc. And I agree, forcing them to say sorry after a particular incident, is all very well, but is never sincere, and is always said in a bit of an "its so unfair Kevin the Teenager" voice...
Winds me up no end, I lose it with him, then DS2 joins in and its gang up on Mummy time!!!

But we're experimenting with giving him extra responsibilities and grown up time - we'll see how it goes.

I'm sure I wasn't allowed to be this rude to my parents - what are we doing so very differently??

anniebear · 19/10/2008 11:33

I think their teens start a lot earlier now!

My DD (was 7 in Aug) can be a lovely girl, but she cant half turn..I get called stupid, an idiot, and she can scream and shout so loud

MeMySonAndI · 19/10/2008 11:44

How consistent are you? I notice that my son's behaviour is only good when he has clear permanent rules and they are consistently enforced.

If for any reason I ignore one of the rules, it takes me up to one week to put it back in place. When he has a clear idea of what is expected of him and what is not allowed, he is absolutely adorable. If the boundaries become a bit unclear he turns into a little monster..

Could it be something like that?

AbbeyA · 19/10/2008 11:52

She is probably pleasant at school because she knows the boundries and she isn't allowed to speak to anyone in a rude way. Sit her down and have a chat-make it quite plain that you are not going to be spoken to in that way. Always speak to her politely and then tell her that you will only listen to her if she puts it politely-otherwise ignore her.

Dingbatgirl · 19/10/2008 14:06

I saw a book mentioned on Mumsnet called 'How to Talk so Children listen, and How to Listen so children Talk'....I bought it from Amazon and found it helpful (although I lost it yesterday with my 6.3 ds after he blew raspberrys at me and said he's not doing anything I say!) - the book has advice on how to word what we say to children in a positive way to get them to show more respect. Although I agree with everyone else that the teen years seem to be coming earlier, as alot of my friends have the same trouble ....

Jonut · 20/10/2008 17:37

I'm so glad I saw this post!! My 7yr old DD seems to be turning into something out of the exorcist! She used to be the most polite, well behaved, quiet little girl then all of a sudden she's become rude, nasty and downright mean! She's an angel at school and for other people. I'm so glad that we're not the only ones going through this!

pushkar · 20/10/2008 17:52

souns like pre pubescant teens, in order for things to improve you might need a house rules list and to make deals with her you behave like this and i will do x for you etc, or you could dock their favourite thing till they speak to you in a civil manner...tricky!

SmileyMylee · 20/10/2008 23:27

Sounds just like my daughter. I definately think it's to do with pushing boundaries and also children being quite self-centred and only seeing their side of things.

I remember being quite similar as a girl (although at about 14 / 15) and saying the most unbelievably hurtful things to my mum (but I was a model child at school). I did grow out of it.

I will be watching this thread with interest.

J2O · 20/10/2008 23:39

don't have time to post properly but am also going to be watching with interest!

twinsetandpearls · 20/10/2008 23:43

My dd can be like this at times and is also an angel at school. I think as an only child she is quite me me me and gets bolshy if the focus is not on her.

She is very good though when we have special time togther and seems to be growing out of it.

Original poster
eltham · 21/10/2008 18:45

oh I'm so glad I'm not alone...it's reassuring at least. I did have a chat to her at the weekend and said to her that it made me very upset when she was like this...her behaviour (marginally) improved. I might get that book about talking so children will listen..there's also a CD (linked on a MN post somewhere) that I clicked on and it seemed good as hearing the parental strategies out loud rather than just reading about them might make me recall them better in moments of exasparation! Mind you, it was about £19

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