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Behaviour/development

Talk to others about child development and behaviour stages here. You can find more information on our development calendar.

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Original poster

how did your firstborn cope with new baby?

23 replies

chocbiscuits · 11/10/2008 22:09

We haven't long to go now, Ds1 is coming up to 3 and a half and have started fretting about visits by the green bug eyed monster.
Put the babys bed together today and Ds1 wanted to get in, and wants to sleep in it in our room.

OP posts:

Are your children’s vaccines up to date?

Set a reminder

allgonebellyup · 11/10/2008 22:11

my dd got a pen and wrote "50" on the baby's head when he was born.

She said it was meant to say "50p" and she was going to take him to tescos and sell him there.

SheSellsSeashellsByTheSeashore · 11/10/2008 22:13

dd1 was nearly four when dd2 came along. She loved her. She was like a little mother hen. Always making she had a blanket and giving her teddies.

dd2 is now 16 months and there is rarely any jelousy. Lots of rough and tumble but dd2 can now give as good as she gets.

She also wanted to sleep in dd2's cot but we made a big deal about how important big sisters were and how much help she would be to mummy and her little sister as a big girl.

onepieceoflollipop · 11/10/2008 22:14

We have a 3.7 year age gap (2 daughters).

We had no real jealousy problems. However when I was in hospital (one night) giving birth dd1 was with my dh which she was used to as I work a lot of late shifts, so I think that helped.

I did make a conscious effort to spend time (even half an hour) just with dd1 -e.g. cake in cafe etc.

She responds well to doing "big girl's tasks" and has always been quite helpful. Also she was well established at her pre-school so had days away from me and dd2.

Not everyone has a hard time with dc1 when dc2 comes along, but you may not find out until the new baby arrives.

Even now we let dd1 (4.9) in our bed if dd2 is in there even though it is a terrible squash. Would you feel able to compromise and let your ds into your bed (even in the short term) while the baby is in the cot in your room?

purpleturtle · 11/10/2008 22:15

Dd was 22 months when ds1 was born, and she hardly batted an eyelid really. Behaviour became more challenging 3 or 4 months later, as I recall, but that may just have been her age!

Ds1 was 3 and a half when ds2 arrived, and that was a bit trickier. I think he felt a bit displaced from his role as baby of the family. On the plus side, he was at pre-school, as I assume your ds is, and that gave him (and me) some space.

HTH

MoonlightMcKenzie · 11/10/2008 22:16

My 22month DS hasn't seemed to notice my 4 week old DD, except when he wants to show off what he knows about parts of the body, - then he starts prodding her.

Fine except for when we get to eyes, - have to stop him!

The rest of the time I don't think he could care less!

giggleBirthdayWitch · 11/10/2008 22:16

badly. he was very nearly three yo and did not thank us for producing a brother. We did huge psychology-type stuff on him too, so he could get his head round the whole thing and it was played very much so that nothing would alter in his world.
Actually, he was fine whilst ds2 was a small bundle of baby, but objected enthusiastically once the 'baby' stood itself up at around 9mo, he kept pushing him over so that he could be a 'baby who lies down'

DS2 was fab when dd arrived (2yr age gap) though i do think it is more a personality thing than anything else.

BoysAreLikeRabidDogs · 11/10/2008 22:16

Talk about the baby, who is really boring, who can't run, or eat ice cream, pizza or apples, and big up your toddler. Have you got help for when the baby arrives, so that someone can carry on your toddler's routine for the first few days/weeks?

If you are planning to BF, make sure that you explain the process to DS1 - we spent ages preparing DS1 for the arrival of DS2 but FORGOT to say I would be BF. Cue DS1 pointing and shrieking that the 'baby was biting Mummy' in outraged tones.

HTH

onepieceoflollipop · 11/10/2008 22:16

SheSells sounds like your experience is similar to ours. Your post made me laugh in recognition about your dd2 giving as good as she gets! Our dd2 often gives her big sister a good telling off.

At less than a year our dd2 threw a major strop when she saw dd1 with a yogurt and went crackers demanding one. She also squawks and flaps her hands very dramatically at her big sister and any sign of trouble (real or perceived!)

notsoteenagemum · 11/10/2008 22:17

DD wasn't jealous when DS was born (she was 4.3) she was different towards me for a few days, almost shy, but she started school 2 days after he was born and she found that hard.
Make sure you have a nice pressie from his new bro/sis and that visitors who usually make a fuss of him don't bypass him and make a beeline for the baby.
Also be prepared for the fact that your now small ds will seem HUGE after holdig a tiny baby, this really shocked me after DS was born.

FangolinaJolly · 11/10/2008 22:18

The first time I left the two alone I dashed upstairs for a wee leaving dd in her bouncy chair at 8 weeks old.When I came downstairs ds (Then 2) had decided it would be a great idea to stick a Clarkes shoebox over his darling sister's head

They love each other to bits now though.He is protective big bro and she idolises him

geraldinetheluckygoat · 11/10/2008 22:22

My ds1 was always tantrum prone, before the baby arrived, and continued to be afterwards! He was 21 months when ds2 came along. He's never been jealous really, they get on really well, inbetween fighting and wrestling over toys...

samsonthecat · 11/10/2008 22:30

DD1 gave DD2 juice at about 10 days old and offered her raisins (I just got there in time) she just wanted to help bless her.
DD2 is 16 months now and they love each other.

SheSellsSeashellsByTheSeashore · 11/10/2008 22:44

Oh yes be very clear about what baby can and can't eat. dd1 was fine when dd2 was on milk as she knew baby could only eat milk. However when she started weaning she was offered everything from fruitshoots to kindereggs to sugary jelly sweets.

bookswapper · 11/10/2008 22:53

my god its taken almost six months for DS (2 and a half) to accept the new baby!!!

despite this, I would make clear his toys are his own (the baby will have his own) - sharing can come later when baby is more mobile, let him try out pram and cot (he is trying to feel what it feels like to be a baby)..toys from the baby are a good idea..but I think its all down to personality...

the first thing my DS said when meeting the new baby in hospital was...."DS2 has got his mummy...where's my mummy....?"

reassurance is key and time with the first child exclusively (but difficult)

Theladyevenstar · 11/10/2008 23:07

I have a 9 yr gap between ds1 and ds2 now 10 and 1 and there is a lot of jealousy!!!!!

nooka · 11/10/2008 23:16

I only had 16mths gap with my two, and I don't think ds noticed dd that much until she was big enough to wreck his train sets, pull his hair and otherwise make his life difficult They are the best of buddies now, although ds does need his down time. The only thing we did to make things easier was keep his routine as unchanged as possible.

katiek123 · 12/10/2008 08:58

LOL allgonebellyup i loved that tale of youthful spirit of enterprise!!

my kids' gap is 2 years - DC1 completely ignored her bro for the first year. he was of zero interest to her! her tantrums were by then in full swing but didn't seem to particularly worsen (they were hellish before and after baby's arrival )

as soon as he became able to participate in her games and be ... fun ... she really took to him and they have been really close since he was about 18 mths old. lovely. though not at all immune from the odd spat or big of sibling rivalry! but in the main, good little buddies.

Theladyevenstar · 12/10/2008 10:48

I think it would have been better if i had had my 2 closer together lol

ohdearwhatamess · 12/10/2008 12:51

21month gap. Ds1 absolutely fine at first. Some problems once ds2 got to about 5/6 months and was sitting up and touching and playing with ds1's toys. There was a lot of hitting and pushing over the baby and taking all toys out of his hands. Easing off now ds2 is 8 months but still happens occasionally.

hellyberry · 12/10/2008 13:31

mine was scared of the baby. he's a boy not given to enjoying random noises and gets distressed by others' emotions. i've just been explaining things and showing him how we help babies. they seem v. fond of each other now. ds1 may not be so fond though as the grabbing for his toys increases. i'm already demarcating which are his and stopping baby have those few. i also make the effort to give ds1 time alone away from baby in their shared room...while baby naps upstairs.

cory · 12/10/2008 13:51

Dd was 3.5 when ds arrived. Sometimes v. affectionate, but hyper and did also try to hurt him- I would not have trusted them in the same room unsupervised. Expressed disappointment that he paid no attention to her ('Mummy, he hasn't got tiiiime for me!!!'. 'Darling, he's two weeks old'). spent lots of time on bonding games with the two of them (pretending ds was playing, obviously). They were fine once she got used to him, but it took a few months.

I found it very stressful and emotionally draining at the time, but all the fun they've had together since more than makes up for it. That and the thought that I have given both of them a person who will be a source of comfort and fun long after I am gone.

TheInvisibleManDidIt · 12/10/2008 14:11

DS1 was 2yrs and a month when ds2 was born. He was great with the new baby. No jealousy atall.

The problems started a year later when he started nursery. He seemed to be jealous that ds2 got me to himself for the afternoon. He grew out of it quite quickly though.

The 2 of them are best friends now, get upset if they're apart for any longer than a couple of hours. They sleep in bunkbeds but alot of mornings I'll go in to wake them and find them cuddled up together in the same bed.

RaggedRobin · 12/10/2008 23:03

ds was 2.4 when dd arrived - he was NOT impressed for the first 2 weeks - i was at his aggression.

however, she's 5 months old now, and he is really lovely with her.

i read a good tip on another thread suggesting that when talking to the new baby, talk to them about their older sibling and how wonderful they are. that way, the baby and the toddler get attention at the same time.

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