feeling fed up... help!

[charl25]

hi all, i just thought i'd ask your advice,as im a first time mum with a 4 month old little boy. Hes always been quite a demanding baby, and hes got such a temper on him already! recenly though, he never seems happy, in the day i literally have to carry him around, because if i put him down he crys. he doesnt even like going in his pushchair anymore, so when i go out, he really kicks off and i have to get him out and carry him, else he screams until hes practically heaving! I know i should probably let him cry, but i feel so bad, and also he gets so worked up. he still wakes through the night 2-3 times, so i feel shattered,and now im nervous about taking him out, so i feel couped up at home! dont get me wrong, i love him to bits, and love being a mum, but need some advice! is this all normal parenting? or am i doing something wrong? thanks

Sit him up a bit in the pushchair and walk it through a very busy market

This does sound horribly similar to my ds2 (now 8). I had to carry him in asling the whole time - he hated being put down and would scream for ages. However, he liked the pushcahir - but god forbid i should put a rain cover on if it was hoying it down..

I opted to carry him and invested in a really comfy sling. He is very indepenadant now, I'm glad to say.

Don't let him stop you getting out and about though, or you will go mad. You may need to develop a thicker skin though, as old ladies loved stopping me in the street to say helpful things like: ''OOOh listen to him screaming..''

It is normal, you are doing nothing wrong, it will pass, he will sleep through the night and you will get a life back
Colditz is right get out for a walk.

The night waking is normal btw and don't let people make you feel inadequate because theirs don't - they are lucky, that's all.

4 month old babies start wanting to DO stuff, and a lot of the time it's stuff they can't do yet. Like sitting up, crawling, moving round etc

So I'm guessing that your son is still being laid down in the pushchair? If you sit him up enough so he can see, he might be a bit happier.

Does he nap in the day? I would expect 2 or 3 short naps at his age

Sounds normal to me, my ds was the same (dd is quite different). I managed to save my sanity by carrying him in a wrap sling - he would usually fall asleep, or enjoy looking at others from a great hight and I would get a couple of hours of relative peace. I also co-slept so that I didn't have to get up to feed him.

I never left him to cry as I think it's rotten to do that to a bay and harms their development-but I never tell people that irl as it can offend!

Good luck.

It may just be his personality, and he may be frustrated
however worth ruling out simple things

could he be hungry? is he breast or bottle fed? how often?

is he getting wnough sleep? does he nap in the day??

i feel for you

thanks everyone. he is a big lad(hense the problem carrying him around lol)so i did wonder about him being hungry, he has about 4mls of sma gold every 3/4 hours, he does seem slightly happier for about the first half hour or so after his feed, but then is grizzly again. ive tried giving him slightly bigger feeds,but he stops at 3/4 mls. i think your right, he does seem to get bored, but he fights sleep all the time, so it might be a combination of the 2-tired and bored. we went out shopping sat, and my hubby carried him around(he can!) and he was fine, but do you think this is just making a rod for own own back? i do need to not worry about people looking when hes screaming, i pracically run back to the car!

Hi Charl
All sounds very very familiar! My DS is now 9 months and is getting gradually better but certainly when he was 4 months he wanted to be carried everywhere. He hated his pram and only went in it to sleep and even then he would fight it. Once awake he wanted to be out! Daytime naps were always a problem - at least half an hour spent fighting sleep and then for only half an hour, waking up still tired. Also, he has been extremely clingy - hates being put down, won't play independently etc.

But......I am pleased to say we have been noticing some very gradual changes in the last month or so. He will play better by himself. He will go in his buggy and can be happy in there for quite some time. He naps in the day as and when he needs to without fighting. AND..........we used to carry him around all the time. He is becoming more and more independent so I actually think the carrying has helped him, not hindered.

If your LO is anything like mine, he could be a "high-needs" baby. Have a look on www.askdrsears.com and there are some great tips for fussy babies like ours. My advice would be to just go with what he wants/needs at the moment. He is still very very young and needs you all the time. I don't believe in making a rod for your own back. We worried about this but the carrying doesn't seem to have been a problem. We're not out of the woods yet as he's still more tricky than other babies I know, but he's not half as difficult as he was in the first 6 months. It will end - hang in there!

Been there! So many threads of mine on here about my ds, sure you wouldn't have to look for long before you found me ranting on some thread or other!

Sounds just like your ds, he was very hard work from day one but did get worse and seem to implode around 4-7 months. Always wanted carrying, never wanted to play alone, never let me sit with him, hated buggy, hated everything in general!

Turns out he is just very independant. He's 14 months now and still hs a foul temper sometimes, just very very strong minded and tantrums like 2 year old already. On the other hand, he is charming, adorable, so so so affectionate, very clever and just lovely (when he wants to be!). It does get easier, my ds improved hugely when he could crawl and explore. Another huge improvement when he got walking just before his birthday.

Agree with babyisaac (great to hear things are improving by the way ) don't worry about making a rod for your own back, do what ever you have to do to survive. My ds always wanted carrying around, never went to sleep on his own, but is so so independant now and never wants carrying, will tolerate the buggy, settles himself to sleep and sleeps through unless poorly.

You'll be fine and you'll get through it. Don't be nervous about going out, I was the same and I became a hermit. With hindsight it was the worst possible decision, the only person I saw was ds as dh works long hours, it was a nightmare but it does end. In the meantime, get out and about and try and look at the big picture, he won't be a baby forever!

Thanks so much for the support. its good to know that im not the only one. i was begining to think there was something wrong! im pleased to say i took him asda yesterday, i just thought enough is enough...(in his buggy!) and he was ok, i think it helped that i gave him a mega feed before hand. he has improved EVER SO SLIGHTLY over the past day or so since i up't his feeds,i think some of his grizzlyness might be hunger? (though i still have arms down to my ankles due to the carrying!) the past couple of nights he has woke up every 2 hours or so though, so i guess its one thing or another..oh the joys of being a parent!

Thanks so much for the support. its good to know that im not the only one. i was begining to think there was something wrong! im pleased to say i took him asda yesterday, i just thought enough is enough...(in his buggy!) and he was ok, i think it helped that i gave him a mega feed before hand. he has improved EVER SO SLIGHTLY over the past day or so since i up't his feeds,i think some of his grizzlyness might be hunger? (though i still have arms down to my ankles due to the carrying!) the past couple of nights he has woke up every 2 hours or so though, so i guess its one thing or another..oh the joys of being a parent!