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Behaviour/development

Talk to others about child development and behaviour stages here. You can find more information on our development calendar.

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Original poster

DD 2.5 having a bad time settling at nursery

22 replies

CountessDracula · 02/03/2005 13:02

It is my dd's settling week at nursery. She went with me for an hour on Monday, was fine. Yesterday for 2 hours but I had to go and get her half an hour early as she was crying so much (tho she had been fine for an hour and a half)

Today she is supposed to be there for 3 hours. Had a call after 1.5 to say that she was crying a lot on and off, clinging to her keyworker etc and wouldn't eat any lunch and maybe I should come and get her. By the time I got there she had fallen asleep so I left her there and we are playing it by ear, they will call me when she awakes.

Any ideas how we can ease the pain for her? I hate to think of her being so miserable. She has had a nanny until now - has been to playgroup a lot and had lots of contact with other kids but only with her nanny or us present really.

TIA

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MoggyMummy · 02/03/2005 13:12

Countess
I don't have any special advice for you, however I have seen this at my son's nursery from time to time when a new child joins.

I noticed that it can take up two weeks (maybe more) for a child to feel comfortable and familiar with the place, the other kids and the carers.

All I can say is to hold on in there and brace yourself every morning. I know you are probably feeling really lousy but believe me it gets better.

Saying that my son (2.5) has been in nursery since he was 5 months and we still get the odd day when he won't let me leave in the morning. I'm told this is normal. Hope this helps

rogan2001 · 02/03/2005 14:00

my ds, 3 yrs used to cry at nursery when he first started in jan, he was okay for the first 2 days then just decided he did'nt like going. so i had to settle him in very gradually, i started off leaving him for half a hour then built it up to 45 mins a day and now 8 wks later he is happy to stay for the full 2 and half hours session. I used to walk out of nursery crying myself because he was so upset, but we settled him in slowly and now he really enjoys it. good luck.

Enid · 02/03/2005 14:18

you have my sympathies CD have been there if you are interested.

I didn't work then though so possibly had more options. It was all v traumatic though x E

pinotgrigio · 02/03/2005 14:22

CD How old is your DD? I'm in the middle of transitioning my DD from full time nanny to nursery too.

She had been going to one nursery one day per week for a while but once she got moved up to the over 2 section started to hate it. She'd scream and sob when I left her and refused point blank to go to her new key worker, but would launch herself at the under 2 carers. In the mornings when I said we were going to Kindie (Aussie nanny) she'd start saying 'Noooo, Nooooo' and if we drove past the building she'd say 'Noooooo, Noooooo' too.

My mummy intuition sensors jangled and in the end I just moved her to a new nursery, hence the new settling in. She adores this one and we've had no problems at all. She's doing her first half day session on Friday morning.

I'm sure with your DD its just a case of getting used to something new. It must be a bit scary for them to go from their cosy home environment with lots of attention from the people they love the best to a new building and new carers.

Maybe you or nanny could spend a couple of sessions there with her again while she gets used to the building and people?

Good Luck. I know how upsetting this is. I hope DD settles in soon.

Sponge · 02/03/2005 14:24

Hang in there Countess.
There are two things going on here - one is just being left in an unfamiliar situation which will take some time for her to settle into. If she's clinging to a keyworker then in some ways this is a positive as there is already someone she feels more comfortable with.
The other thing is her age. My dd went to nursery from 15 weeks but at around your dd's age she suddenly started clinging to me in the mornings and crying and saying she didn't want to go. She was fine once I left though and the phase didn't last.
I know it's heartbreaking to leave her crying but she will settle in given time and she'll start to enjoy it and if our experience is anything to go by she will make some lasting friendships.

lisalisa · 02/03/2005 14:29

Message withdrawn

motherinferior · 02/03/2005 14:29

CD, have you talked to Blu who went through something similar recently? I'm so sorry, poor little love.

Pamina3 · 02/03/2005 14:31

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Original poster

CountessDracula · 02/03/2005 15:42

Well she was not so bad when she woke up, when we got there she seemed fine. Her keyworker is coming round for tea tomorrow and we are making him cakes this afternoon!

Thank you all for your advice. I am off work this week so can be around for her as much as she needs me, if it continues I will look at taking next week off too.

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chloeb2002 · 03/03/2005 09:18

My dd was officially the nightamre child when she started nursey. She was reported to have creid non stop for the first 3 weeks and was there three days a week. I did start her on a few hours a day but it seesmed to make her worse because she would wait for me to come and get her... knowing it wouldnt be too long? She was carried almost constantly by someone for the first 2 months and the nursery were great about it. They kept saying she will get used to it.. ill add she wouldnt eat or drink whilst she was there for ages, no magic cure i just gave it time. Now a year and a half on she loves nursery runs her new room! eats more there than athome and is really benifiting from being in a stimulating environment. hope that helps!

Original poster

CountessDracula · 03/03/2005 11:27

omg 3 weeks

Left her crying this morning

OP posts:

amesy · 03/03/2005 13:28

hi, weird this should be the discussion today my little madam is sat at home with me now because of the face she had last night and this morning just contemplating nursery. she's one of the oldest in her nursery and because she spends alot of time with my mother and my sisters she prefers older company. i feel she needs nursery as i'm worried she's becomeing abit too clingy and this is quite frustrating for me as i have a little boy too. can anyone help me?..........

MoggyMummy · 03/03/2005 15:12

I spoke to a collegue at work today about this issue and she had the same experience as you are having when it came to leaving her DD at nursery. I'm happy to report that the DD now loves nursery and there are hardly ever any tears when she says goodbye to her mummy in the morning.

We are all thinking of you and know exactly how torn apart you must be feeling today

dinosaur · 03/03/2005 15:21

DS2 was terrible about settling in at nursery and I did toy with the idea of taking him out. However the nursery manager (whom I adore) advised us to ride out the storm and persevere, and he is very happy there now. (The nursery is threatened with closure because of a funding crisis, but that's another story.)

Hated going off leaving him crying,though - it's horrible.

Original poster

CountessDracula · 03/03/2005 15:57

Ahhh thanks moggymummy! How kind of you.

Well she had a much better day today Still the odd tear but they were very happy with her. She was fast asleep on the sofa when I got there to pick her up!

I am under no illusions that she will be like that tomorrow, but am very happy that she seems to be taking to it a bit more.

Her keyworker came for tea today, he is so sweet and she does really seem to have bonded with him which is a big relief.

oops better go, big poo in nappy!

OP posts:

Blu · 03/03/2005 16:04

CD sorry you're going through this. We have indeed had a few hard weeks - and in the end I saw plenty to let me know that it was the nursery that was not right. So we are now starting again at a new nursery. WE did stay every morning for 3 mornings, and now he is fine. Though he is definately better if DP leaves him - he howled this a.m when I left him, but hadn't at all on Mon and Tue when DP took him. The nursery staff said this is quite common.

My DS is older than your DD, but I have found it quite useful to map out a timetable for him: " you will have a play, then go outside, then come in and have lunch, then after lunch have another play, then have a snack, and after you snack, I will come and get you".

I have also said 'if you feel a bit sad, do some painting and then you won't think about waiting for me'.

Have you got time to backtrack and stay with her for a few mornings, before leaving her there alone?

But it may be that right now she is settling down....

Blu · 03/03/2005 16:05

Sorry - x posted. She sounds as if she will settle well given a few days. Really horrible, isn't it?

Enid · 03/03/2005 16:06

I used to give dd1 something of mine (it was a little brooch FWIW) to 'look after' for me until I came to pick her up

Marina · 04/03/2005 09:39

dd has her favourite toy "Samantha" with her, Enid, for that reason. She is really happy at nursery too but still occasionally has a blub at leaving time. It does pass almost always, CD, I know how hard it can be though. Great that she has a male keyworker positive models and all that...

Original poster

CountessDracula · 04/03/2005 14:14

Oh yes he is fab, VERY pleased with him.

Well good news, dropped her off wailing this am at 10, called at 12ish and she has been fine, no crying, eaten all her lunch and much happier. Phew!

OP posts:

Prufrock · 04/03/2005 17:28

Excellent news Cd. Be prepared though for the wailing when you leave to last for quite a bit longer - when dd settled in her new nursery I had over a month of tears when I left, and then about 4 months of being very subdued (she would hide her eyes and cling to me until I prised her off and gave her to her key-worker) But I got reports from the nursery that within a couple of minutes of me leaving she was fine. It didn't help me to feel any better, but I do think that she was doing it just for effect and eventually it stopped and she now runs in happy as Larry

puddle · 04/03/2005 17:31

I used to give ds a lipstick kiss on his arm (not hands as they keep washing those) to last until I picked him up again.

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