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Behaviour/development

Talk to others about child development and behaviour stages here. You can find more information on our development calendar.

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Original poster

help me get my dd to bed...pleeeeese

17 replies

lucykatie · 02/03/2005 10:43

hi, my dd of 5 years....yes 5 years, has started to refuse to go to bed.
we put her to bed, story etc and she must come down stairs tons of times resulting in her not going to sleep untill really late ...i.e 11pm or later.
which of course then results in her being a horrid evil dd at 7.30am time for school.
we went to parents evenong last night and she is doing ok but has dropped a little since last time and i cannot help but feel its due to being so damn tired.

HELP!

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bundle · 02/03/2005 10:48

what do you do when she comes downstairs?

Original poster

lucykatie · 02/03/2005 10:53

well she usually says she has a tummy ache or something else, so i try and trick her into the truth by asking if her ear lobes hurt to or something else. last night she said her tummy ache was making her lip sore and they where then making her big toe ache., i ask what will make it better, the answer is usually sweets, so i know she is kidding us.she does not get the sweets or anything.
i then take her back up, i have warned her that i will tell nanny, teacher,santa but no good.

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littlemissbossy · 02/03/2005 10:56

Could you introduce a star chart, where she gets a sticker for each time she goes off to sleep and with a treat at the end of the week? I know it's bribery, but generally star charts work short term - enough to get your ds into the habit of going off to sleep

bundle · 02/03/2005 10:57

i think the key is that she wants to spend time with you and spark up a conversation and she's using some good strategies (ie they work, they get her "extra" time) so you have to cut these off - ie no talking, just say calmly it's time for you to go to bed now. goodnight. (lift her up and put her back into her bed) do this often (we do) and it works (has for us, but sometimes then have to hold the door handle to keep it shut when she tries to get out again - sorry i know it sounds cruel but you're so right about being overtired the next day). make sure before bedtime she's been to the loo, got all the toys she wants and has had time to wind down in low light, with no distractions. use a sticker chart and rewards rather than negative things if she gets even a bit of this right (ie goes to bed at 10 rather than 11..)

Sonnet · 02/03/2005 10:59

I can relate to this too...with my DD2 who is just 4!!

With DD2 it becomes a vicious circle - the tireder she gets the harder she is to get off to sleep - and so it continues.

It became a problem for us when DD started pre-school in September. We have now mostly solved the problem and all I can do is tell you how it was for us (which may not help you at all).

I reviewed our current rountine which was in place before pre-school and catered manily for DD1 and DD2 sort of fit in - IYSWIM. DD's bed time was between 7pm and 8pm

DD2 was very hungry so I brought forward the evening meal, bath and supper of weetabix.I aimed to get her in to bed at 6.40 for a story. I then left her at 6.50 with a story tape for 10 minutes checking she had a drink of water ( anything to prolong the going to bed for DD2!!)
and then the fun started - I just kept taking her back to bed everytime she appeared refusing to be sidetracked by requests for drinka and food..
TBH it was not as bad as I imagined and seemed to work overnight.
The only drawback is that as soon as this rountine goes she is as bad as before!!

It also ment that to get her into bed at 6.40 I had to get DH to "promise" to be back to help out with dd1's extra activities or ask freinds for help in picking DD1 up..

Hope things work out - Goodl Luck!!

Original poster

lucykatie · 02/03/2005 11:00

oh star charts have been done, but she says she doesnt want a treat at the end of the week....she always says she just wants 5 minutes downstairs with us.
oh by the way we have a dd2 of 5 months....could it be this, dd1 has shown no jelousy as yet, in fact she is great with dd2.

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bundle · 02/03/2005 11:04

aaah that makes total sense. we have nearly 3 yrs between our 2 girls and dd1 always wants more of our time once dd2 has been put to bed. i would give her some of this but limit it and make it still in her bedroom, with you saying how lovely it is to spend time together, read special books (let her choose) and tell her around teatime how much you're looking forward to being with her once dd2 is in bed. the star chart reward could be an extra five mins with you say on a friday night, not sweets or something more obvious.

Original poster

lucykatie · 02/03/2005 11:07

great idea about time on a friday instead of a treat, could do art activity or something she loves.

trouble is dd2 is a pain at night too......its got to be our parenting skills.

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bundle · 02/03/2005 11:13

it is hard, i know. i read to both mine around 7pm after bath/teeth, but with more of dd2's stories (she's 22 mths, but still did this when she was tiny) then explain (plus warn beforehand) that dd2 has to go to bed now (take her for milk and into her cot awake-ish) while dd1 "reads" or listens to a tape on her own. then back to dd1 for her requested stories (plus her school reading, but i may move this forward a bit as she's tired by this stage and doesn't like doing her words much) and a "story out of my head" before lights out (actually she has a night light because she's scared of the dark and this is one of the reasons she was getting up).

bundle · 02/03/2005 11:14

oh i forgot. then have large glass of wine.

Original poster

lucykatie · 02/03/2005 11:16

need to get dd2 to her cot earlier, just had a nightmare time with colic, so peace is nice.

oh well will have to start again, will try new star chart tonight though.....may work if she decides the treat or activity eh.

kids, dont ya just love em.

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Original poster

lucykatie · 02/03/2005 11:17

wine....oh thats been thought of already.....but will have more on your suggestion....cheers.

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bundle · 03/03/2005 11:00

lucykatie, any better last night?

Original poster

lucykatie · 03/03/2005 13:04

a little better, we put dd2 to bed first then had some time with d1, but all she wanted to do was go and see dd2 as she could here her gurgling on the monitor....but yeah she went to bed when we said...meybe not at a great time...8.45 but its a start isnt it?

got to get in to routine and then things will surely get easier.

thanks.

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bundle · 04/03/2005 11:53

lucykatie, that's brilliant. hope tonight's ok. i was out last night and dh said dd2 was tricky to put to bed (wanted me) but otherwise ok. dd1 now taken to hiding rice cakes and fishing them out when she's in bed

bundle · 08/03/2005 12:15

lucykatie, how are things going? we have had a couple of nights from hell (dd1 vomiting, dd2 feverish) so can sympathise...

Original poster

lucykatie · 08/03/2005 16:08

hi bundle, not going to bad, dd2 has been going to bed at 8.00pm and going to sleep lovely, but wakes up at around 10pm, we just stick dummy back in and leave her, last night she decided to give us the tears but it was hard but we never gave in.
still having a restless sleep though so dont really know what to do with her that way, i have got her a 'grow bag' but doesnt seem to do alot.

dd1 is much better at going to bed since all this has happened, also stared to walk home from school which is a treck so dd1 is shattered by bedtime.

hope your lot are feeling well soon...thinking of you.

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