'how to talk' aficionados - how do i get ds2 to...

[Ratface]

...stop breaking things.

and ds1 to stop licking his little face raw (all around his gob obv)

???

i am trying to read the book, but am having mental block difficulties. its a bit like the highway code; you know you have to read it...

SO

ds2 is 4. and he breaks stuff. deliberately. it may be a device to get my attention. but im not sure. and he wont tell me why. he says sorry when pressed to, but then just goes right ahead and breaks something else. its tiresome.

and ds1 is 5. he licks the skin around his gob raw. i give him balm to keep at school and try to get him to use it instead of licking... but he keeps licking and getting sorer and redder.

so please, have mercy on me and tell me what to say/do??

tia
hth
etc etc
(am nappiesgalore/a regular btw)

Message withdrawn

Not an expert (still waiting for part two of seminar from cod and 100biros!).

What do you say to DS2 when he breaks something?

He's obviously NOT sorry if he has to be pressed to say so.

Is it important things? Is there any way he can "show" he is sorry?

ie "It makes mummy sad when her favourite .... is broken. What do you think we can do about it?"

Not sure if I'm on the right track and have NO idea about DS1 - I used to do this myself.

oh bugger

i was so hoping for ABC easy peasy answers.

breaking stuff; its not like he even knows its bad when he does it cod. its weird; its like he only knows its bad when he hears a pissed off or disappointed tone say 'oh X!' then he just looks at you all wary like youre going to shout at him and he has no real idea why. its baffling. to him and me both tbh!

and the licking... is habit sure, but a relatively new one... surely theres still time to say something that flicks a switch in his head and makes him want to stop...???

sorry haventslept (know the feeling arf), i will try saying 'it makes me sad...' but have a hunch that will only make him anxious. and confused. i really dont think he seems to get why it might be wrong to have done whatever it is.
is it important stuff? erm.,.. no, i guess not usually... but sometimes yeah, important-ish.

ok so, if it is a device to get attention coz he is the middle child of 3 all born within 2 and a half years... what do i say to reassure him he doesnt need to worry that i dont love him enough?

i will try 'what can we do about it?' i think the answers to that may reveal something of his motivation/understanding of what hes doing.

oh come on, surely someone can give me some insight?
night after night i piss about on here talking bollocks about nothing and the one time i actually have a parenting question , nothing??

anyone got any ideas this morning?

DS1 vaseline as often as possible, without comment.

DS2 close supervision, sort out toys so that he only has access to unbreakables - thomas track/lego. Return toys gradually but take away as soon as act of destruction happens. Explain what you are doing.

Also I can see that you are a busy parent, but making time for each of your DCs may help - these two behaviours may well be attention-seeking.

Postitive attention, yadda yadda, you know what I am on about.

Good luck.

thanks bald.
will do.
will get off here and go and pay them some attention.