tantrums at 1 - what will she be like at 2?

[dontbitemytoes]

experiences please

dd has just turned 1, can walk well and is starting to talk. But by god can she tantrum! all i need to do is say (quietly and peacefully) "NO" with a look at her and she is off. Screaming, lying down on the floor and working herself into a right state. I ignore her totally and turn away, after about 30 seconds i go over to her, cuddle her and distract. they are over toys being dropped, dinner not being hat she wants, not giving her another snack when it's nearly teatime, not putting her in the swing fast enough, not getting her out when she tells me, having crumbs on her hands, oh the list goes on.

am i doing it right? and will she get worse at 2? (please, please no) or will these tantrums just continue?

any experiences gratefully received

my DS started his tantrums at about 14 months and he's only 21 months now and they have got worse, his now last 20 minutes and all the while I'm trying the same things as you every tantrum ends with him having a cuddle with either me or dh and then he goes on doing whatever he was doing before it started. Good luck

Yep, gets worse. Sounds like you are doing everything right, you just have to ride it out. She's frustrated, her coordination and communication are basically crap and she fails at 90% of the stuff she tries to do and she wants to do everything which makes her tired, cranky and confused.

DD is two and I think she's getting slightly better now. She still has at least three tantrums a day but we've had a couple of days without one and they don't last twenty minutes each time now

Yes it gets worse. Best thing to do is have a good old laugh.

Yes it does get considerably worse. At 3 yrs old my DS is so big and strong that I can no longer pick him up under my arm and march him out of the supermarket when he starts up . It's a phase. It will pass...

Oh, god 20 minute long tantrums. DD had her first one of those a mere six days after her first birthday

thankfully now at 15 months we have only had a few like that, but we generally get at least a few a day, over minor things. I do talk to her lots and explain what I'm trying to do. She understands everything we say to her, so that helps. She is also increasing her vocabulary so is starting to communicate better what she wants, bu I realise that they will get bigger and better as she gets older.

Has anyone noticed a difference between boys and girls? DS had his fair share of tantrums, but they were never of the throwing himself on the floor and pounding it with fists and feet that DD has been doing. Is that typically a girl thing?

and as my BIL once said...they tell you about the terrible twos, but they forget to mention the troublesome threes and the fecking awful fours

It doesn't always get worse.

DD2 was having tantrums that would last just over an hour long at 9 months old.

She is now 2.5.

By 2 she and I had found ways of dealing with them - she had learnt they don't achieve much and I was a tantrum expert (hardest bit for me was learning how to deal with the stares and stupid comments from members of the public). She still had tantrums but they were much easier to cope with honest!

When DS arrived 16 weeks ago her tantrums returned with renewed vigour (2.5 hours long day and night ) but we nipped it in the bud very quickly - we went from 2.5 hours to about 20 second duration in a few weeks.

Biggest mistake I made was not changing how I treated her tantrums as she got older. When she was 9 months I would go to her when I felt she had got to the point where she was scared by her feelings of being out of control. I was still doing this at 2yo and didn't realise she had learnt to use that to her advantage. I had to get tougher on her - this made it worse at first but worked well in the long run.

What works for us is to be firm but fair, pick your battles and never bend the rules ( give her an inch and she'll take a mile!)

thanks guys, looks like i'd better get the wine in then, cos its just awful seeing her so upset....almost makes me want to give in to her, but i do realise the consequences, and i'm a tough cookie

whomovedmychocolate, you made me and dh laugh with your description, that is exactly what dd is like, you can see it confusing her poor little mind!

It gets worse but I have found that as DD can talk quite well already she is not nearly as bad as some of her peers (just turned 2).

She started tantrums at 10m and they peaked at about 18m. Now I get down on her level when I see it all kicking off and talk to her. If she gets really cross I ask her why she is so cross and she usually tries to explain - that helps alot as I can sometimes work it out for her. Other times - like wanting a biscuit just as tea is nearly ready I tend to say no then distract her.

I pick my battles - if she wants to wear her sun hat in the rain then fine

If she wants chocolate or ice cream when it is not a treat time then I say no and she gets something else instead e.g raisins or a breadstick.

Watch out for being overtired and hungry as they are much worse then.
Good Luck