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Behaviour/development

Talk to others about child development and behaviour stages here. You can find more information on our development calendar.

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Original poster

2 years 9 months old and still no interest in the potty - is it time to pull my finger out?

23 replies

hotCheeseBurns · 12/09/2008 18:41

Generally I've been really laid back about the whole thing, partly because I think it's a bad idea to put any pressure on [smug mummy] and partly because I work full-time and I don't have the time or energy [bad mummy].

I got into the routine of encouraging him to sit on it before bath time (but stopped bothering recently) and I regularly talk casually about the concept, but he just says nooo when I suggest it, as if i was suggesting something absurd.

Will he come home one day and decide that he's fed up of nappies? This is what I've been hoping. Say yes. Go on.

My mum reckons modern nappies are to blame for being so damn absorbent and comfortable. Do those potty training pant nappies leave a bit more wetness against the skin? Would that be helpful maybe?

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Boyswillbeboys · 12/09/2008 18:49

Grandparents always tell you that they had their children potty trained by 9 months! If he's not interested, don't push it - it's more trouble than its worth. Neither of my DS's were interested until they were nearly three. DS1 would not even sit on the potty, let alone do anything in it.I did the all-or-nothing route, just put pants on them and went for it. We basically stayed in, and I gave them loads of juice so they were weeing a lot and soon got used to it! Took about 3 days, with lots of chocolate buttons for bribes, star charts, and potties in every room! Oh, and buy cordoroy trousers, they soak up wee really well if you have accidents out and about

Original poster

hotCheeseBurns · 12/09/2008 18:54

At what age did you do that? Was there a particular reason you thought they were ready at that point?

Thanks for the corduroy trousers advice!

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vjg13 · 12/09/2008 18:57

Your Mum is right and pre-disposable nappies kids were potty trained MUCH earlier than now. IMHO pull ups are rubbish for potty training and confusing.

Maybe try sitting on the potty after meals or in the morning and experiment with a potty or toilet seat he likes. Some kids will go straight to a step and toilet seat.

There's always the Gina Ford 'Potty training in 1 week' book!

Hassled · 12/09/2008 19:02

With DS2 & 3 I took the line that when all children are 3, nappies come off. They get lots of great presents, a party and the whole shebang but nappies stop. It is cast in stone and non-negotiable - just one of those things that happen, like Christmas. They both just accepted it and bar a few accidents it all went well. You can use all the techniques you like but until the child is ready and willing it's pointless trying IME.

Original poster

hotCheeseBurns · 12/09/2008 19:21

I do have Gina Ford's book and I like the concept - assuming the child is ready of course! But my son's at nursery three days a week and with my mum for two days so it just seems like it'd be impossible to keep the continuity.

Although, saying that and reading Hassled's post... He'll be three on boxing day so I will be off work for a few days. Not sure if christmas/new year is the best time for potty training but it might be my only chance!

OP posts:

FiveGoMadInDorset · 12/09/2008 19:24

DD's nursery have taken her in hand and have told me to bring in pants and lots of clean trousers on Monday. She has been watching others sit on a potty and has now decided that she wants to, so Monday here we come.

vjg13 · 12/09/2008 19:34

It is better to stay in a lot for the first week or so and is easier if you have some time off. Maybe if your Mum is keen you could get her on the case

Sophiale01 · 12/09/2008 22:51

give lots of nappy free time if you can. even if its just for an hour before bed time. thats what did it with my DD. girls are quicker though I believe . not to gloat but DD is 2.1 and has been out of nappies for month

ilkainnorthants · 12/09/2008 23:01

I had the same problem with DS1 and the same setting, 2 days with grandma, 3 days at nursery. We started to offer the potty when he was about 2.5 (in all 3 settings). But although we were lucky sometimes, he soon rejected the whole idea and so I left it. I got really anxious about it as he turned 3, but still people kept telling me that he will get there. And then at 3 years and 3 months (and me nearly at nervous breakdown)it was like a switch was turned on and no accidents ever since. I'm sure it had nothing to do with whatever I was trying.

babbi · 12/09/2008 23:18

chill out - it will happen when he is ready .
like ilkainnorthants is how it happened with my DD . Prior to that she had no interest whatsoever, trying a training schedule or similar stressed her and me.
When SHE was ready she just did it !!

I know that you will be sceptical of this version as I was when people told me and I thought I really ought to be seen to be trying something but honestly that was how it went in the end .
Good luck ..

BroccoliSpears · 12/09/2008 23:23

Is it just me who is sniggering at the choice of metaphore in the title?

And on a slightly more useful note, he'll get there in the end. Don't stress. 2.9 not that old.

FabioBigBangBlackHole · 12/09/2008 23:24

lol at the title

balanomorey · 13/09/2008 18:20

My dd is the same age and have only just cracked it in the last few weeks.

Since the beginning of the year we've had a potty and she's been in pull ups (they have been a great help imo, simply because you can pull them up and down easily like pants, much less hassle than normal nappies when you are encouraging them onto the potty at regular intervals). I would leave it out in the lounge (sounds gross, but figured she needed to see it to want to use it & be interested in it). For the first 6 months, it didn't really happen at all - she would sit on it but not do anything but I didn't mind, we were just getting her used to it.

Then I bought her a toy she really wanted and put it on the shelf in the kitchen just out of her reach but where she could always see it. Told her when she did her first wee on the potty, it was hers....six weeks later, she did it. A few weeks later, after we'd been on hols and I didn't really push it while we were away, as it was hassle (bad mum) she didn't want to know. So bought another longed for toy -6 weeks later she has been dry for nearly 2 weeks with no accidents and is now in pants. Hurrah!!

So my advice is - leave the potty around for him to try, when you feel he is becoming interested, bribe with a toy for 1st wee & if he slips back, bribe with another toy. Offer a sweet or choc button after each successful wee (we invented the toilet fairy who left a sweet for her to find).

I know how you feel, it's a hassle, but you need to encourage him to try or else he'll just keep saying no....obviously, if he gets really upset, leave it for a bit then try again. Good Luck!

Portofino · 13/09/2008 18:31

My dd expressed some interest about 2, but we never got anywhere. My creche suggested to me that as she would go to kindergarten at 2.5 and had to be dry, it was time to get on with it. We too went cold turkey - no nappy - 5 changes of clothes. It worked pretty quickly.

She was still prone to accidents though and I worried when she started at the school. Needlessly though as the teacher takes the whole class for pipi at regular intervals, and the accidents have been few - and usually because she's been too busy doing something. Good luck!

SlowDown · 13/09/2008 21:47

We made the mistake of trying to train ds at 2.9 due to pre-school pressure. A disaster, he just said 'no' and we all got het up. I would avoid showing him that you care too much either way whether he wears nappies or pants. If you casually introduce the idea with clear message that you expect at some point for all toileting to happen in the potty or loo then that is enough. Take him with you when you go etc and let him take the some of the initiative from there. Ds did decide at 2.11 that he would wear pants. However, we made too many mistakes, put too much pressure on and even now at 4.3 ds uses toileting as a way of asserting his control!! 'Do you want to go to the loo?' 'No, no' and then 5 mins later an accident!!! Plus he now has a long term constipation problem and fear of the hand-dryers in public loos (sigh). I don't mean to worry you, but I think making it easy, stress free and minimal pressure is so much more important than getting worried about how old they are and working to a deadline. Going from nappies to pants is a transition for them and for some it may be more of an emotional thing than others. Just my opinion of course, from the point of view of having a highly strung ds.

Original poster

hotCheeseBurns · 13/09/2008 22:03

Thanks for all the advice, pretty much exactly what I wanted to hear!

I'm loving the fact that being laid back and not trying too hard/putting pressure on little ones is the best way to deal with a lot of parenting issues!

Makes life so much easier... I feel almost proud of my laziness

OP posts:

geraldinetheluckygoat · 13/09/2008 23:43

I really wouldn't worry, just wait a bit, there's no point trying to rush it! fwiw, my ds1 is in cloth nappies and was just over 3 when he potty trained I was quite lazy about the whole thing, he probably could have done it earlier, but it was pretty stress free when we did do it, and im glad i waited!

mrsruffallo · 13/09/2008 23:48

Potty training nappies are a little less comfortable. I would start by not wearing a nappy at home anyway.
I think 2 yrs 9 months is a good time to get on with it- he should be well on the way there by age 3, which I think is appropriate

cali · 13/09/2008 23:50

Gave up trying with dd1, she decided 10 days after 3rd birthday that she wasn't going to wear nappies, 1 month later she was out of night nappies too.

I got a bit stressed trying to toilet train her and she became even more stressed, so for us wasn't worth it at all.

Will probably do the same for dd2, although at only 1 year old, still have a while to go.

FinallyGotDyson · 13/09/2008 23:51

What a shocking thread title

Agree with others - leave them to decide for themselves

mumof2222222222222222boys · 14/09/2008 00:06

With DS1 I had him sitting on potty every morning with a completely nil return for what felt like months. He thought it was story time! Eventually at 2.9 I went for it, and while we did have a few accidents, it wasn't too bad and we had a potty poo within a week. He has been pretty good, and while I perhaps pushed him at that point, he was clearly ready for it - if we had had constant accidents I'd have brought out the nappies pdq!
A friend decided to go for it with her DS when he was about 20 months. I lost track but it seemed at one point as though he'd poohed and weed all over the house. And this went on for months. Looks like he was telling her something.
I'd give it a go if you think she might be ready, but be prepared to change your mind. It is what I'll do with DS2.

sasamax · 15/09/2008 16:09

I am going to buy 10 pairs of corduroy trousers

Seeline · 15/09/2008 16:13

Boys are generally slower - DS was out of nappies at 3.6, he just couldn't be bothered before then. DD was out at 2.7 - got it straight away. Leave it til he's ready or else everyone will get stressed.

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