advice re DS, aged 22 months

[temporaryanonymity]

My DS goes to a playgroup once a week with his childminder, who he sees once a week. She has mentioned to me a couple of times that when he is with her he is quiet and reserved.

At home he is chatty, happy and lively. He shouts, has peals of laughter and (although I accept I am probably biased about this) pretty clever.

She told me last week that the playgroup leader approached her to say that she also thinks DS is reserved and has invited him to a special group to help him develop his language skills.

I'm very happy that she is pointing these things out, but I can't agree that my happy, chatty, lively little boy is the same child she is talking about at this playgroup. He has a wide vocabulary, and I talk to him and read to him all the time.

I meet up with my NCT group regularly and obviously I observe him interacting with his little friends and he isn't reserved at all. He probably, if anything, is a little quiet but I don't think there is anything wrong with that.

He likes building, fixing and taking things apart, and is a terrific climber. Yesterday I observed him holding hands and cuddling his little friends.

So, I'm left with two possible scenarios:

I'm kidding myself and blind to a potential problem regarding his development, or, he is unhappy with his childminder.

Any thoughts?

There's a third possible: he doesn't like the playgroup.

Any chance you could get some time off and go along?

You know your child best, imo. If you're not worried about his language skills, then I would politely decline the offer and thank your CM for letting you know about it.

You know your LO best. If your CM hadn't mentioned anything, would you be having any of these concerns - i.e that he's reserved, quiet etc? Is it possible for you to take him to a playgroup or similar to see how he responds when he's there?

How is he when he comes back from the CM's? And is he ok when you leave him?

My LO is 2 years 6 months and is a very sensitive little thing, he doesn't fare well in big noisy groups of kids he doesn't know but that's just him. I know him inside out and I know that he's bright and intelligent, but that he justs needs extra reassurance in those situations.

Could you try chatting to your CM about your concerns, or maybe (don't know if this is possible) but spend some time observing him with her?

I wish I had some helpful advice for you

WigWamBam, yes, you're right, that is another possibility. I hadn't thought of that because my childminder first raised her thoughts about him being so quiet before he started the group.

I've chatted with MIL this evening. She looks after him twice a week and agrees that he is also very loud etc with her. In fact, in church the other day he shouted "it's raining!" in the middle of the service, so I guess it could be the group itself.

Hmm. Tough one. The group is something that our childminder does with her mindees. Not sure if I can opt DS out of it without finding alternative childcare.

it may also be a comfort thing - my ds is very funny and lively at home; at the park he just stares (but cuts loose if there's no-one else there); at the m&T group we sometimes go to, he takes nearly an hour to warm up enough just to follow the older dc's around. I think he's not terribly used to lots of rambunctious kids, being stuck at home with me most of the time, so he does hang back and watch a lot in more social situations. Could your ds be doing something similar?

Trouble is, at the moment he only goes there for a couple of hours a week, so I wonder if there is an issue with him being unsettled, rather than unhappy with her, IYSWIM?

She is great, I like her a lot.

My DD 24 months was like this at nursery for the first 3 months. Goes 2 days a week. Only now that she is finally coming out of her shell. At home she is loud, great at talking etc but at nursery very quiet. It's just because they are out of their comfort zone a little. Dont' worry, he sounds fine.

Maybe I'm being over-sensitive. I hate the thought that he might feel insecure or uncomfortable. I wonder how I might figure out what the issue is.

I think I'll pop along to the playgroup and see what happens there. We went to a family party not so long back where he happily played and chatted with a group of children he'd never met before. Hmm.