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Behaviour/development

Talk to others about child development and behaviour stages here. You can find more information on our development calendar.

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Original poster

DS won't/can't make friends with boys

7 replies

mugglewump · 06/09/2008 20:27

DS (6.5) only likes playing with girls. But now the girls - although very happy to come and play with him at our house (which always goes well) - are excluding him from their games at school. He is lonely at playtime and lunchtime but when I suggest that he starts to make friends with some of the boys he shuts down. The boys are apparently all naughty or silly or only want to play football or power ranges (none of which interest my son).

He tells me he wishes he were a girl - but I can't do anything about that.

I have said that he can invite back any boys he wishes to have back to play or for supper.

I have also said that I cannot speak to the girls and tell them to play with him. he is nearly 7 and he needs to sort it out himself.

Should I talk to his new teacher though? The last one wasn't very interested...

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takingitasitcomes · 06/09/2008 20:44

Yes I think you should talk to his new teacher. She(?) can watch them at playtime this week and see what's happening. She might also be able to suggest some other boys in the class who aren't football/power ranger types that your DS could maybe make friends with.

I don't think I'd stop him inviting girls home to play though as this might make him feel lonely at home as well as school. Perhaps ask the girls over in pairs or threes so that they might be more inclined to play with him at school (as the group will feel more established to them)?

Your DS sounds quite discerning. Boys are a bit silly at that age compared to girls! Hopefully he'll feel more comfortable with boys as well as girls as they all get a bit older.

Original poster

mugglewump · 06/09/2008 21:54

Thanks for the advice about inviting over in groups rather than singularly.

I will organise a little tea party and see if that works - and get some boys over separately..

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Starbear · 06/09/2008 22:53

Just a suggestion, why not a mixed group boys and girls? Does he know any older children in the school that could come around. I love the fact that my son likes playing with older kids too! (only 4 so pls ignore my suggestion if it doesn't suit) Do they have a peer mentoring scheme at school? I always played with my friends older brothers Victor Okeke was a great lad.

MumWith2Boys · 07/09/2008 11:52

My DS1 is similar but he does swimming lessons and gymnastics lessons both of which are are mixed - and this gives him a bit of extra confidence. There is no way he'd do football or anything like that.

All the party invitations that come home are from girls - never one from a boy unless it's a friend of mine's son

Original poster

mugglewump · 07/09/2008 21:40

Mumwith2Boys

How heart warming to find another mum with a similar child. DS calls himself a TomGirl and says he doesn't know an others...

He also swims and has just dropped gymnastics (which he did with a few of his girl friends) for trampolining.

From the sound of your post it would appear that your DS2 is a regular boy - that is also good to hear as DH says DS has spent too much time around women and girls and that is why he is how he is - my view is that it's just in his make up.

We are starting to see a few more boyish tendancies - like a preference for Dr Who over High School Musical. I would like to encourage this as I know that soon he will hit that boys don't like girls and vice versa stage in school and he will be in a pickle if he doesn't broaden his friendship base.

Any other reponses most welcome!

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roisin · 07/09/2008 21:52

Both my dss had more friends who were girls than boys when they were 6.

Ds2 is 9 and his best friend at school still is a girl. Since he was 5 he's always chosen to have small parties - 3 or 4 children for a day out rather than a big bash, and girls have always been among the guests.

I'm very chilled about it tbh: never worried about it at all.

MumWith2Boys · 08/09/2008 20:08

Mugglewump - my 2 have been brought up exactly the same by me, a SAHM. DS1 is gentle, shy, a real thinker and talker. DS2 hits, pushes, bites, fights ... Tell your hubbie I don't think it's anything to do with how your DS has been raised

My DH is a gentle chap but he was very good at sport and says that's how he managed to get through school without any bother from other lads. I guess that's why I encourage mine to do whatever physical activities they like / what they're good at, as opposed to what the majority like to do / what bloody grandparents expect them to do(football etc)

Fingers crossed for our boys. I do worry - like you.

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