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Behaviour/development

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Original poster

snatching- how to get a toddler to return a toy without wrestling it off them yourself

14 replies

hairymcleary · 05/09/2008 06:13

DS 2.2 is going through a bit of a snatching stage. He doesn't do it more than the average toddler, but I'm wondering what the best way of dealing with it is.
Generally I tell him that snatching isn't nice etc, talk about taking turns and try to distract him with something else.
Then I tell him to give the toy back. Naturally though, he clings on to it for dear life and occaisionally we end up having a bit of a wrestle over it. It seems quite hypocritical of me to tell him not to snatch, then effectively do the same to him to get him to return the toy. Seems a bit 'do as I say, not as I do'!
Any suggestions for getting him to give up the toy, or am I hoping for the impossible?!

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Bumperlicious · 05/09/2008 08:44

Bumping for you as I am interested in the answer

junkcollector · 05/09/2008 09:03

Do the whole 'you must give it back' thing then distract them by pointing in an excited 'wow look at that..cat..tree..postman..' way at something else. Then ease the toy gently out of his hand whilst continuing to talk in a high pitched 'gosh isn't that exciting' kind of way. Worked on DS1 (18mths) this morning...might have been a fluke though

sannie · 05/09/2008 09:03

it mostly works for ds1 (2.5) if I say...you can play with xxxx, xxxx or xxxx but not xxxx as Peter was playing with that. It mostly works that he then decides on one of the other chices and gives the snatched toy back....Sometimes though the snatched toy remains stubbornly in his little hands....could be worth a try

suzywong · 05/09/2008 09:06

I say pick your battles
they all grow out of it, it's a phase thing so it's not up to you to eradicate this behaviour for fear of breeding a sociopath.

I know the pressures of the playgroup situation when you feel under the peer group spotlight and have to resort to wrestling to placate the other mothers. But unless the snatchee is apoplectic and genuinely heartbroken then ask ds not to twice and then leave it at that.

I am soooooooooooooooooo over playground etiquette. Really.

HTH

Bumperlicious · 05/09/2008 09:25

Suzy that is so true. I am generally of the "let them fight it out between themselves" mentality myself, but usually feel bad because of the other mothers. Also at 14months there isn't too much damage DD can do. That may change in a few months!

fruitful · 05/09/2008 09:42

I say "No snatching. Please give it back. 1. 2. 3. " then I take it. And if I have to take it, they get a timeout. Gradually they learn that it is better to obey the first time.

I have authority over my children, its my job to teach them how to behave. Thats why I am allowed to forcibly take a toy if necessary and they are not.

Its not about playground etiquette, I don't care what the other mums think. I care that my kids learn to respect other people.

suzywong · 05/09/2008 09:46

well, fruitful, that's what we learned in the 'hood of N6

Bumperlicious · 05/09/2008 10:08

That's ok fruitful, you can deal with it however you want. You are right to want to teach your child respect. I just personally find it very wearing to keep having to say "DD, no, give it back" when they are all just taking toys of each other and getting bored very quickly. However mine and my friend's babies are all a bit younger. I guess when they are a bit older you cut them less slack and have to teach them a bit more.

Sunflower100 · 05/09/2008 10:23

Great ideas here...... my dd (18Mo) is one who always has things snatched off her and has a huge tantrum about that. Whats the 'etiquette' there? What do others do? I generally tell her its nice to share and expect he to give it up, sometimes leave them to it but dh says that it was hers first so she gets to keep it! What do others do? Sorry hairymc if this is a bit of a hijack - but it is related (she said grovellingly)

missorinoco · 05/09/2008 10:32

if one is to say as per fruitful (i quite like that strategy) at what age can they understand it? ds is 15months.

sunflower, i'm not quite up with playgroup strategies yet, but i go for distraction if this happens to ds. i think telling off someone else's dc may need to be reserved for gbh.

Sunflower100 · 05/09/2008 10:44

I don't tell anyone elses dc off! -

LadyPenelope · 05/09/2008 10:54

Sunflower100
I don't think you can do much about those situations if the other parent doesn't notice. Would find something nice for you dd to play with instead and distract her. Saying "it's nice to share" is a bit misleading because it's just been snatched off her! Would save that lesson for when you want her to willingly share a toy and the friends are nicely taking turns.

missorinoco · 05/09/2008 11:06

sorry, i didn't mean to imply you did. was just thinking aloud so to speak.

Sunflower100 · 05/09/2008 12:28

Thats OK missorinoco and thanks Lady Penelope about the "nice to share" thing. Good Point! So the consensus seems to be that a dc is playing with something then they generally shouldn't be expected to give it up as 'sharing'. I don't want to be overprotective and I usually try not to get involved but tbh it does drive me a bit mad when dd is playing with something and its repeatedly taken off her by another dc and their parent assumes that its "sharing"! I would tell her off if she took another dc's toy.

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