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Behaviour/development

Talk to others about child development and behaviour stages here. You can find more information on our development calendar.

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Original poster

Please tell me about 11 year old boys...

26 replies

Anna8888 · 02/09/2008 08:20

What are they able to do for themselves spontaneously and well, without being prompted?

Get dressed
Make their bed
Have a shower
Wash their hair
Brush their teeth
Hang up their towel
Occupy themselves at home other than in front of TV/computer
Cross the road

Etc etc

OP posts:

Are your children’s vaccines up to date?

Set a reminder

bellavita · 02/09/2008 08:25

mmmm should be able to do all of that - but my 11 year old ds would try and get out of all of them!

He will get dressed but always in a minute

Makes his bed in a fashion

Showering/bathing - no problem once he has decided to get ready

Washing hair ok once he is in the shower

Brushing teeth - that is a different matter entirely

Quite good at hanging up his towel

Occupy himself without tv/comp/games consoles - definitely not

Crossing roads - yes

Picking up his jeans and deciding if they are ok to wear for another day - no - every item of clothing gets dumped on the landing

But he has started secondary school today and I am worrying about him already - he has to catch a school bus.

Are you having problems with your DS?

MaryAnnSingleton · 02/09/2008 08:28

Get dressed - yes,after faffing about for ages
Make their bed - um, after a fashion here too
Have a shower - yes, good at that,but will spend ages in it
Wash their hair - yes, that's fine
Brush their teeth - very good at that
Hang up their towel - sometimes,usually left on his bed
Occupy themselves at home other than in front of TV/computer - actually he's great at that
Cross the road - he is either over cautious or else forgets to look at all

Original poster

Anna8888 · 02/09/2008 08:30

You are reassuring me (a bit)

My DSS2 is starting secondary school today. He is definitely far less mature than his elder brother was when he started secondary school - the extra four months (DSS1 is an April baby, DSS2 an August baby) don't account for the difference in autonomy.

DSS2 has been sitting around stuffing his face at every possible opportunity and not doing anything unless prompted for months. I hope secondary school is going to help but I would love to be able to think of something else to help him - he isn't very happy, and his inertia weighs quite heavily on the rest of the family.

OP posts:

Original poster

Anna8888 · 02/09/2008 08:32

MaryAnnSingleton - what does your DS do at home to occupy himself?

OP posts:

bigdonna · 02/09/2008 08:36

hi anna my ds is also august baby and starting secondary this friday.my ds can do all those things but cant be bothered most of the time i always have to remind him to brush his teeth.i refuse to make his bed!!!!he is very huffy and a general pain!!!

BecauseImWorthIt · 02/09/2008 08:37

DS2 is 13:

Get dressed - fine during the week, has to be nagged at the weekend (would happily live in pjs all day)

Make their bed - yes

Have a shower - yes, part of his daily routine to shower every night

Wash their hair - yes, but sometimes does this a bit too quickly and has to be reminded the next night to do it 'properly'

Brush their teeth - yes, but always has to be reminded!

Hang up their towel - a worrying tendency is developing here (copying DS1) to just drop this on the floor. A habit not condoned by DH or me!

Occupy themselves at home other than in front of TV/computer - my greatest worry and one that has occupied us here for some time. DS2 will do other things but only when made to. His idea of entertaining himself is to switch from the Wii to the PC to the TV. He will read a book if all the others are forbidden, but has absolutely no interest in sport. That said, this holiday several of his mates have started a daily football game, which he has been happily joining in - wants to be with them more than playing football, but the result is great as far as we're concerned!

Cross the road - another worry. DS2 has much less road sense than DS1, often seeming to be in a world of his own. If this is a concern for you, don't let your son wear an iPod/MP3 player on the walk to school as he will be even less aware/hear less of what is going on around him

Beetroot · 02/09/2008 08:39

My 11 year old can do all that. he may need prompting to do the boring stuff but he can and will if pressed.

He will occupy himself or play with his brothers. He will make himself and lunch and breakfast if needed. he will clear table and empty/load dishwasher (not very good at loading)

training!

filthymindedvixen · 02/09/2008 08:39

get dressed - yes. Eventually. After an hour of nagging.
Make their bed - yes. Eventually after an hour of nagging
Have a shower - yes. Eventually. After a week of nagging.
Wash their hair - yes. Ditto
Brush their teeth - yes, surprisingly with no prompting. He thinks he has yellowy teeth (he doesn't) so is obsessed.
Hang up their towel. No . But then his 44 year old father cannot do this either.
Occupy himself - yes.
Cross the road - hit nd miss. Er, hopefully not literally

He is 11 in December....

bellavita · 02/09/2008 08:40

oh yes, the huffiness - we are experiencing a lot of this.

Anna - if I were to turn the tv off or ban the computer and games console, he would probably get his soduko book out or one of his many guinness book of records out. He does at a push actually still play with the knex stuff that was handed down to his brother.

He would go out on his bike more but we insist he wears a helmet and to him this is so totally not cool. All of his friends will probably be at the park with their bikes and no helmets. He does walk down but on his part this takes too much effort!

Swedes · 02/09/2008 08:40

Might some exercise help?

BecauseImWorthIt · 02/09/2008 08:41

Oh, and DS2 also makes his own packed lunch and has done this since he was 11 and went to secondary school.

Original poster

Anna8888 · 02/09/2008 08:46

BecauseI'mWorthIt - my DSS1 who is 13.5 is pretty autonomous these days - he is not naturally a tidy person but he basically gets on with life and does all the things I mention. But he already did them, more or less, two years ago.

DSS2 seems so far behind his older brother, and not keen to catch up. He'd rather go to the playground and play on the swings with his little sister (3.10) than go skateboarding with his brother...

OP posts:

herbietea · 02/09/2008 08:46

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

Original poster

Anna8888 · 02/09/2008 08:49

bellavita - DSS2 will read a book if we enforce a screen ban and he has a book he is passionate about but he never, ever asks to go to the bookshop when he runs out of books. And because he doesn't live here all the time, it isn't always easy to ensure he's always got a book on the go (plus when I have three children, all at very different stages, to take care of, I don't have masses of time to go bookshopping with them).

OP posts:

BecauseImWorthIt · 02/09/2008 08:51

Anna - my DS2 is like that too. We don't have any younger children, but if we do I suspect he would be like yours.

DS1 has always seemed more mature and self reliant.

In some ways I quite like DS2 being younger. I sometimes feel I have 'lost' DS1 as he is so independent and has his own life/interests, and is very self aware. Cuddles with me don't happen these days unless I initiate them! (and even then they aren't always appreciated).

Sometimes I wonder if DS2 is like this because we treat him differently, although I don't think we do. He is just a very different person.

MaryAnnSingleton · 02/09/2008 08:53

anna - he draws mostly - he loves to make maps of real and imaginary places,sometimes he writes things or designs pretend cd covers or adverts (art director in the making !), he reads or just mooches about - seems to not get bored.

noddyholder · 02/09/2008 08:54

Ds 14 Will get dressed for school of course otherwise need to tell him unless there is a deadline to meet friends and then MIGHT Never makes bed unless huge row Showers more than at 11 but still not enough Hair the same half hearted attempts not really rinsed hence filthy by the next night.Brushes teeth most days I usually tell him.Towels on bed floor anywhere but where it should be.Last 2 ok Nightmare and the cause of the odd big row if I have PMT otherwise i turn a blind eye mostly and explode now and again The prospect of girls has however made him a bit cleaner but not much

Original poster

Anna8888 · 02/09/2008 08:55

BecauseI'mWorthIt - I'm pretty certain that my DSS2 was "born different" to his older brother and doesn't have the same ability to think ahead and plan out his own activities that his brother does.

My daughter is pretty good at keeping herself entertained, like DSS1, albeit in different ways. DSS2 veers between tagging onto his brother and tagging onto his sister. She loves having a playmate - in fact, she says about her DB2 that "he's little, like me." But I'm not sure it's doing him much good being able to fall back on baby activities.

Obviously, since we have a little one (and a girl) in this household, she's the one who gives/gets the most cuddles and is babied... DSS2 loves to be babied but at 50kg no-one much wants him on their knee.

OP posts:

BecauseImWorthIt · 02/09/2008 08:57

DS2 loves to be cuddled, but it's like trying to cuddle a long bag of bones!

Original poster

Anna8888 · 02/09/2008 08:59

MaryAnnSingleton - that's fantastic.

My DSS2 used to like drawing (without being remotely talented) and we always have nice drawing materials around because of DD. But he seems to despise "art" these days in a big way. In fact, I gave him my "don't disdain art at school or you'll end up as an accountant" prep talk yesterday morning at breakfast - DSS1 has bought into the idea entirely. I have to fight a bit on these issues - if they only listened to their mother and father, only maths and physics would really matter.

OP posts:

Celia2 · 02/09/2008 09:05

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Original poster

Anna8888 · 02/09/2008 09:06

Celia2 - are they non-identical twins?

OP posts:

Celia2 · 02/09/2008 17:20

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

pointydog · 02/09/2008 17:27

I'd imagine 11 yr old girls are similar and while they can physically do all these things, lots of them tend to be forgetful or ditzy, away on otheir own world.

I need to remind dd1 A Lot. I think it's teenagehood starting to kick in.

unknownrebelbang · 02/09/2008 17:33

DS1 - just 14, has always been very independent and just gets on with stuff.

DS3 - just 10, is similar to DS1 in this respect.

DS2 -11, almost 12, is on a different plane to both his brothers. Can look after himself quite well when he has to, but when at home has to be reminded about most things; rarely picks up a book; would much rather be outside playing; has to be cajoled about homework; etc etc.

He's an October baby, the other two are August.

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