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Behaviour/development

Talk to others about child development and behaviour stages here. You can find more information on our development calendar.

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Original poster

very worried 5year old!! h to help

12 replies

lisad123 · 30/08/2008 00:25

My DD1 has always been quite a anxious child, but things seem worse lately.
She keep telling me i should be watching dinner, have i checked diner, is it going to burn ect. We saw a small (i mean tiny) fire tonight on our way home (we are on holiday at our caravan) and before we could do anything it had blown out. She then got reall worried about it. She started crying, asking loads of questions of what could happen if it started again, what if the caravan caught fire ect. The fire was a long way from where we are.
She hates getting things wrong, not winning ect. Is this normal for her age? Can i do anything else to help.
we explain its ok to lose, as long as you try. try and get her to try new things, let her ask as many quetions until she feels she has the answers she needs ect. She is very bright too.

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RedHead81 · 30/08/2008 00:33

I was terrible when i was younger - usually with water - hated flushing the toilet because i thought it would flood the house if it didn't go down. hated splashing water out of the bath cos i thought the kitchen cieling would fall down
hated wind because i thought the slates would fall off the roof and let water in which would obv flood the house etc etc

I think mine was made worse by people telling me not to be silly - but to me ate the time i wasn't being silly - it was real! I was very anxious too.

I think being bright makes it somewhat worse because you think beyond now. and therefore worry more.

I think the only thing is reassurance, over and over again. Maybe ask her what she thinks will happen and ask her to talk about whats on her mind regarding the issue at the time. and then reassure that a. it won't happen because.... blah blah or b. if that happens then this wil happen to make it right... blah blah.....

Original poster

lisad123 · 30/08/2008 00:39

yes she worries about flooding too!
I dont let her watch the news as she gets too worried, she asks about the adverts on TV (nspcc & charity ones) all the time.

We explain to her that the fireman are there too help with fires, that she doesnt need to worry as its adults things to worry about, and we do try ad answer as much as possible. I hate seeing her so upset about this

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RedHead81 · 30/08/2008 00:50

I used to have nightmares all the time when i was younger and my grandad (my nan and grandad brought me up) used to watch the news all the time and i was petrified by the fighting and disasters on there. When the seebrugger disaster happened i wouldn't get on a boat and after lockerbie I was scared stiff of planes and for months before our first holiday abroard when i was only just 8 the doc prescribed anti-anxiety tablets. It was awful for me. Talking about it now brings me out in goosebumps. She will get better as she gets older. I did notice in a health food shop yesterday when i went past to buy DS1's nursery uniform that they were advertising bach's rescue remedy for nerves for school starters - I don't know what age it is for or whether she is too young for it, but it is very good and is herbal - actually just found this for you - so it is perfect for children too - so it might help.

RedHead81 · 30/08/2008 00:54

actually had no idea it had that many uses!

RedHead81 · 30/08/2008 00:58

hope she gets through it. My understanding thoughts are with her and you as you try to lovingly reassure her.
All the best.

Original poster

lisad123 · 30/08/2008 01:00

She has nightmares and night terrors too, and often in our bed. Im not an anixous person but i guess her dad is slightly. Thanks for the details on the bach stuff, hadnt thought of that.
School have raised the issue of her getting upset if she thinks she will get things wrng or if she doesnt get things right.
She's also not keen on getting dirty. Would a trip to GP help at all?
Redhead, is there anything you can think that someone could have done or said to you as a child that might have helped? Thanks

OP posts:

RedHead81 · 30/08/2008 01:14

I really don't know if anything would have helped tbh. I suppose whatever the doc gave me helped to a certain extent, but it was pretty much a sleeping tablet and I wouldn't want you to go down that path (thats even if they do that now!) The bach certainly sounds safer. Maybe a talk to the gp about confidence course or something like it. Tring to encourage her in things that she is good at?

You seem to be describing me when i was younger. I often remember crying in school if the teacher said i had got it wrong. I remember worrying so much one day because i lost a 50p coin my nan gave me - searched for ages for it and went home really crying and when she said it was ok i was so relieved, but i'd worked myself up into such a state about it.

I wouldn't think a chat to the gp would hurt - he may be able to advise you on things you could do to boost her confidence. I think the only thing that would have helped me was to have been taken seriously. I have an uncle who would tease me about crying a lot and my nan and grandad never used to stop him - and i have got memories of this now - maybe make sure that she is taken seriously by all family members would help - and make sure nobody laughs off her fears.

It's a hard one - even though i went through it, i really don't know what would make things worse or better. just keep doing what you are doing - you seem to be doing a fab job and taking her seriously which i would think is the best way to deal with this.

I have to go to bed now, but i will return tomorrow.

Original poster

lisad123 · 30/08/2008 01:19

thanks redhead, its been helpful.

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RedHead81 · 30/08/2008 22:38

how's she been today???

jojo76 · 30/08/2008 22:45

I used to worry about flooding too, I used to go into a flat spin when it rained because I thought the drains would overflow and there would be a biblical type flood. Later I used to obsess about nuclear war, I would really fret about it. I think its normal for some kids to be like this. My nephew and my step brother were also horrific to play games with, awful losers, but they are both fine now, at eleven and twenty something! And I don't worry about things to that extent now either, although I do have a tendency to worry a bit sometimes (dont we all though, i guess..?)
What am I trying to say, I think im trying to say that Im sure her worries are really normal, I think shes a sensitive soul who will learn to deal with her emotions as she grows, with your support

Original poster

lisad123 · 30/08/2008 22:55

shes been a little better today, but was a little worried as someone on the beach had a bbq following loads of questrions about how they will stop it catching fire, how they will put it out with water or sand ect, she seemed ok.
thanks jojo, i think i will have to accept the fact that i have a very sensitive LO on my hands oh well if the only trouble she causes me is this, im blessed

OP posts:

RedHead81 · 30/08/2008 22:56

I suppose it did me no harm either - I'm ok now - the only thing i really worry about is money, but then i suppose many others do - especially the way things are going right now.

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